A pine tree diverges in a wood
by The Cowardly Christian 'du911
Summary: Two universes that should never cross...do...and from it the craziest of families...becomes even more crazy...And enemies that should never be compatible...join forces...Buckle your seat belt it's going to be a bumpy ride!
1. Chapter 1

A pine tree diverges in a wood. Chapter 1

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"How could you do this to me Lilly!?" Shouted the irate man.

Lilly flustered, "hey now come on, you lied about your identity when we first met". Pointed out Lilly quickly.

But the man wasn't deterred, "true, but my lie didn't make you a felon in 49 states"!

Lilly tried again. "It's was just a few small years I added to my age-"

"Those 'small years' you left out will cost me everything! The man takes a deep breath to calm himself, then he began again.

"Look, I was in a bad place for a long time...but now I've only recently pulled myself together, I have a great career in front of me where I can really help people...I just can't deal with this now...I think...I think I should go."

The girl wanted to say more, beg, plead, anything to prevent the man she loved from leaving...

But she knew she'd messed up, her lie had ruined everything. So instead she just sat there silently as the best thing that ever happened to her walked out her life forever.

All alone, she subconsciously put her hands to her stomach.

_Should I have told him? _She thought to herself in hushed whisper. _No, _she asserted. _He's a great man, who will move on to do greater things...I won't let my mistake ruin that...I might need him...but the world needs him more..._

And without another thought, Lilly Pines reached out and closed the still open door.

...12 YEARS LATER...

"A car crash?!" Shouted an irate Stanford pines. He'd driven all night to get here in time for the funeral, so his mood hadn't been great to begin with.

The Attorney rolled his eyes with disgust. "Some idiot was texting and driving...need I say more?"

"Yeah you can tell me where the moron is so I can the beat him from here to Timbuktu!"

The attorney gave a small sad smile. "The moron in question also died in the crash...so make of that what you will."

Stanford breathed in and out to steady himself. "And the kids are really my

responsibility now?"

The lawyer nodded. "That's what the will indicates...among other things. While were on the subject where are the kids now?"

Stan groaned at the realization of how messed up the situation was. "Lilly sent them to my place for the summer; I got the news the day before they were supposed to show up. I asked my assistant Soos to stay behind to greet them."

"So they know nothing?"

"N-no they don't...aw geez, I'm gonna have to tell them aren't I?" Stans groans as he rubs his face with his hand. "Oh, that's gonna be a real hoot..."

...LATTER...

Hours after everyone else had left the cemetery, a lone man stands before the tombstone of one of the most amazing woman he'd ever met.

"Dang it, Lilly...why didn't you tell me? Had you told me, I would have stayed...career be frakked I would have helped"!

The man let out a small chuckle...

"Figures, I finally get my life back on track after almost dying"...and then you throw a major bombshell into it. That was always you Lilly, Just one roller coaster after another...course that's what I loved about you the most..."

Taking the time to brush a lone tear out of his eye, he puts a bundle of roses on the grave, and silently walks away.

As he walks he talks into his com-Link. "Sky?"

"Yes sir?" Speaks the most recent addition to the team over the link.

"I need a background check on a guy named Stan pines. Also tell May to have the bus prepped and ready to go in 5...were going to gravity falls." Said Phil Coulson as he walked to his waiting S.H.I.E.L.D. Plane...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I OWN NOTHING!

…...

There dipper pines stood...between his sister and an unholy conglomerate of unstoppable gnomes.

They were outnumbered, outgunned, and had nowhere left to run. But dipper was determined to protect Mabel to the bitter end.

Jeff, the king of the gnomes smirked at both his soon to be vanquished nemesis and his soon to be queen/slave.

"Give it up boy! Your done for! We gnomes are relentless, all-powerful, handsome, invinc-"

whatever he was about to say was lost over him exploding into bloody chunks.

Dipper, mable and the rest of the gnomes had barely time to process this before group by group, the gnomes were ripped apart by a seemingly invisible force.

After what felt like an eternity, all the gnomes were nothing but soupy chunks splashed over mable and dipper...who both promptly began to vomit.

….Meanwhile on the bus...

"Oh...maybe we overdid it?" Asked fitz as he watched through the predator drones vision as the twins "handled" the situation.

Coulson sighed. "They're alive, that's all that matters."

The question now was...what now? He'd looked through this "Stan Pine's" dossier, and everything pointed to him being an oblivious, neglectful, (possibly senile) shyster.

And seemed to be the last person you'd want within a 10 mile radius of a child, never mind as a legal guardian!

It didn't help matter's that embedded within the data concerning "gravity falls" in the S.H.I.E.L.D database was a level 10 file that was sealed by Nick Fury himself.

And it **REALLY **didn't help matters when he sent those predator drones ahead to do surveillance and the first images they sent back was the kids being chased by a bunch of psychotic little men.

No, if he were to take these kids away right now he doubt anyone would judge him...but what then? What was he supposed to do?

Walk up to them and shout. "hey kids, I'm your daddy! Your momma's roadkill, and I'm a secret agent man!" and even if that wasn't an issue(and he'd bet dollars to diamonds it would be), what would he do with them?

He'd already checked around, aside from himself Stan was their only other living family, and he really didn't want to make them endure the child services system...so where did that leave him?

Keep them on the bus? That was probably even more dangerous then leaving them there!

Suddenly Fitz was talking again. "Uh, sir something else is happening..."

Phil looked over and saw that someone (Wendy, was it?) had finally noticed what had happened and had alerted Stan. Who was now cleaning them up and comforting them.

Even giving them free stuff like a new hat for dipper and Mable...got a grappling hook?

_Yep. _Thought Phil. _She is definitely Lilly's daughter._

Still, Phil was impressed by how Stan was handling this. _Huh, maybe I was wrong about him. _

_Maybe, leaving them with him wouldn't be so- And now he's scoping up gnome chunks to sell by the bucketful..._

Phil rubbed his head with irritation...okay, he'd leave things as they were for now...but he'd keep monitoring the situation.

Having made his decision, Phil brought up the image of dipper shielding his sister. _Only 12 years old, _

_outnumbered, outgunned, and still completely willing to lay his life down for his sister...so this is what _

_parental pride feels like?...it's great! I've never felt bett-_

"Whoa!" Shouted fitz. "That boy just saved that Wendy girl from being crushed by that giant S!...and is now getting a nice peck on the check as a reward. Dang, that kid is on fire!"

_Oh, I guess I spoke too soon. _Thought phil as his pride managed to escalate higher.

_Maybe one day...I'll be able to tell you how proud you've made me. _Thought Phil wishfully...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

A pine tree diverges in a wood. ch. 3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper, Mabel, and Soos could only watch in both amazement and horror as the Gobbelwonker they'd

seconds ago were running in terror from...was now being ripped to pieces by a hail of bullets and missiles descending from a large black plane.

UNCLE! UNCLE! I GIVE! I'LL TURN IN MY RUTABAGAS! YAH LOUSY BULLFROGS!

Surprisingly shouted the gobbelwonker as it suddenly sprouted a mechanical arm that was waving a white flag.

"Wait- wha-" spoke a befuddled dipper.

COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! OR WE WILL CONTINUE FIRING!

Bellowed the planes loud-speakers.

"I'm out! I'm out!" Pleaded old man Magucket as he jumped out of the cockpit of the now revealed fake

Gobelwonker.

Dipper would be disappointed by this revelation if he wasn't so busy watching in awe as the plane

landed and multiple people started to pour out and secure the area. One person who seemed to be in

charge immediately ran over to them.

"Are you kids alright?!" Shouted the clearly distressed man. "Are either of you injured!? Do you need medical assistance!?"

"Whoa- whoa- were fine!" Shouted the startled dipper.

The man gave a sigh of relief. "Good...okay...good..."

The man just then just stood there...staring at them.

Dipper then nervously coughed. "Uh...and you are?"

"Wha- oh, right!" The man quickly composed himself. "The names Phil Coulson, agent of shield."

Dippers eye's widened. "Oh my glob! Agents of shield! You guys are agents of shield!"

"Agents of who?" Asked a confused Mabel.

Dipper gave Mabel a weird look. "Come on, Mabel. Agents of shield!"

Mabel just stared at him blankly...

"The world-wide government agency that handles all supernatural, meta-human, or extraterrestrial matters?"

Mabel continued staring at him blankly...

"Who went public after the battle of New York?"

"Uh...battle?"

Dipper glared at her in disbelief. "Are you seriously- the battle of new york! The battle between the avengers and the alien Chitauri?"

"Uh..."

"The battle that leveled half of new york?"

"Um..."

"That was all over the news and internet for months after wards?"

"well..."

"School's all across the country were closed for weeks, your seriously telling me you don't remember that?"

"I remember not being in school...kinda..."

Dipper rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Unbelievable..."

Phil inwardly chuckled. _Just like her mother..._

"Oh!" Exclaimed Mabel suddenly. "Dose what your saying have anything to do with that cute blonde armored beef-cake with the weird hammer?"

It took all of dippers strength not to face-fault.

"Yes, that would be Thor. From Norse mythology, who we now know is an alien."

OOOOOOO! Squealed mabel peversly. "Momma likes even more!"

_Okay, note to self: keep mabel away from Thor._ Thought phil to himself.

"Seriously though, this is great!" Shouted dipper excitedly. "There's something really weird going on in this town! And I think it has something to do with this book!" Said dipper as he showed him the journal.

"Book?" Queried phil, as he was handed it.

"Yeah, I found it in a secret compartment in a hollowed out tree in the middle of the woods!"

"-Of course you did." Said phil absentmindedly as he ruffled through the pages.

-_Great, yet another "__Great Big Book of Everything"...like the world didn't have enough of those lying around._

Meanwhile, dipper continued to babble. "So I'm thinking we should do a full on investigation here.

Full analysis. Full forensics. Full everything. And then send it to the lab- wait, is that how you say

that...'send it to the lab?'"

"Right, sure, we'll do all that." Said phil as he handed it to simmons. "Okay, simmons standard G.B.B.E. Protocol."

Simmons rolled her eyes. "Another one?"

Phil sighed. "Fraid so-"

"Wait, "another one". What do you mean?" Asked dipper.

Phil chuckled. "Yeah, hate to tell you kid but your not first kid to find some weird book of strange wisdom...shield has a whole warehouse full of them."

Phil then quickly moved to cut Dipper off before he could pelt him with a barrage of questions he knew were coming "-And while were on the subject, can I just ask why a clearly smart kid like yourself just made such a big mistake?"

Dipper looked at him confused. "Mistake? What are you-"

Phil chuckled. "Come on dipper you've read plenty of books. What always happens when the main character shows off his macguffin, to some mysterious stranger who just entered their lives?"

Dippers eye's widened in shock. "Your gonna take it from me aren't you?" Said a very resigned, dejected dipper.

Phil let out a sigh. "Look, I'll make you a deal. After we analyze it, if it's just technically an ordinary

book. By which I mean it's not sentient, not magical, has no unknown tech embedded in it. I will give it

back to you." Dipper beamed.

"But that's not what I want to talk about." Continued Phil. "I mean first that thing with Mabel and Norman, now this-"

"Wait, how'd you know about nor-" Dippers eye's widened. "Wait were you guys the one's who dealt with the gnomes?"

Phil smiled. "Like I said your a smart kid." While dipper tried to hide his blush, Phil carried on.

"Yeah, we had a couple of predator drones in the area, saw your predicament, and we acted...sorry about the mess by the way."

"No, no, it's cool, thanks, you really saved us there." Assured Dipper

"Your welcome." Said phil with a smile.

He then turns to Mable. "But seriously though, Mabel you went alone into the middle of the woods with an older guy you barely knew?"

Mable suddenly looked very shamefaced. "Well, sure, when you say it like that-"

"How would you be able to say that well?" Asked dipper skeptically.

Mabel then decided to go to Sweater town...

Phil just shook his head. "Seriously, what are they teaching you kids in schools these days?"

He then handed them a couple of com-links. "Here, take these. You two get into any trouble, or your

not sure about something, or have a question, or whatever. You call me with these. Night or day, there

programed to immediately reach me no matter where you are."

Both kids nod as they put them on their wrists. Phil let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, your boat seems jaked-up, would you like a lift back?"

He was barely half-way through his sentence before the pines twins and soos were running up the ramp.

LATTER

Back on land phil confronted Ranger mcgucket about his dad's actions.

He then confessed he'd been well aware of what he'd been doing but didn't let on because he couldn't stand to see what his father'd become, didn't want to encourage his behavior, but most of all every time he'd tried to turn him in the police would never take him seriously and mocked him.

Confused by this, phil and his team went to find said policemen...not only did they not have to look far

but there opinion of them(as well as the hope that the human race is not doomed as a species) went

down several notches.

They could only stand there in stunned silence as they watched sheriff blubs(who somehow locked

himself inside his squad car) get further hopelessly tangled up in his seat belt. While deputy Durland

tried to get him out...by shoving beavers into the gas tank.

"-the sad thing is, their actually the smartest cops on the force." Said ranger mcgucket as he shook his head in disgust.

"Please tell me your joking." Said phil in a quiet pleading voice.

Mcgucket snorted. "I wish. Bad as these jokers are, at least they can leave the station.

The others can never grasp the whole push/pull concept, and can't even get out the door!"

"Riiiiight." Mused phil more to himself then anyone there. He quickly turned to his team.

"Right, fitz and simmons. I want you to do every type of test possible on the environment or anything

else you think might be the cause of this"...Phil struggled to find the right word. "-stupidity. There's no

way this is natural...at least...I hope it isn't..."

Shaking his head he continued. "You!" He shouted at old man mcgucket. "Your going to a shield psych-ward!"

"Well, Donkey-spittle!" Shouted a depressed mcgucket.

"Ward! May! Please help them, this is just embarrassing both to them and the human race as a whole."

Grudgingly, they both went to rescue the idiots.

"You two!" Shouted phil at the pines twins. "What are you doing tomorrow!?" Demanded phil.

Dipper flustered in confusion. "Well- we were-" "Not anymore your not." Interrupted Phil.

"Tomorrow your getting guns, your getting permits, your getting gun training, and any other weapon or form of self defense you think would be best.

"Wha- GUNS!?" Cried Dipper in shock. "Isn't that dangerous!?" Squeaked Mabel

Phil handed the twins back the journal while deliberately flipping through it to show him all the most

dangerous creatures.

"More dangerous then facing any of these with no way to defend yourself or competent police to save you?"

The twins paled. "so tomorrow you say?" Asked Dipper.

"Good lad!" Shouted phil as he patted his head, causing dipper's last camera to fall out of his hat.

"What's that?" Asked phil as dipper picked it up.

Dipper suddenly felt embarrassed. "Well...your probably going to think this is silly but I bought multiple disposable cameras-

"-To protect against the inevitable first camera getting ruined." finished Phil. "That's not silly, that's just common sense. You really are are smart kid."

Dipper felt really flustered...then he gives out a depressed sigh. "Yeah, well apparently not smart enough to know a fake monster when I see it."

Said dipper as he tossed the camera into the lake...right into the jaws of the real Gobelwonker.

"-Or smart enough to hold enough to hold onto his last camera." said dipper dejectedly.

Phil frowned, then turns to simmons. "Simmons are your analysis drones still active?"

"Yes, sir." She says with a nod.

"Any chance they got a picture of that?"

Simmons smiled. "A picture, full bio-scan, and all the other data you need to prove a cryptids existence."

"Good, copy it, and give it to dipper."

Dipper's eye's lit up. "Really?"

Phil smiled. "After all you'd been through? As long as you promise to split the 1000$ with your sister it's all yours."

"Wow! Thanks!" Shouted an ecstatic dipper.

"-Consider it a late- early birthday present." Amended Phil quickly.

….Meanwhile...

A mile away four people were hopelessly stuck tangled in a tree.

"How did this even happen!?" Demanded ward. "Actually, forget that, how is this even possible!?"

"I said I was sorry!" pleaded durland.

"No, don't speak." Insisted may. "I can't guarantee your safety otherwise."

"Really?" Blubbered blubs. "What's the danger?"

"Us." replied ward flatly...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

A pine tree diverges in a wood ch.4

I REGRET AND OWN NOTHING!

…...

"-I can't believe it's been over 5 hours and were still cleaning this mess up!" Snapped an annoyed Mabel.

Mabel, Wendy, and soos had been at it all morning, cleaning up the shack after those waxed freaks messed it up!

Thankfully, it hadn't been that bad of a fight. Thanks to dipper inviting Wendy along to

the shooting range agent coulson booked for them. Wendy along with mabel and dipper

were all now fully licensed, armed to the teeth, gun owners!

They'd ripped through those creeps like Swiss cheese, suffering almost no casualties...

Are you guys sure you don't want me to help? Asked dipper as he sat on the recliner nursing his arm-sling.

Wendy shook her head. "Dude you took Lizzie Bordon's ax for me!" She exclaimed gratefully. "That's like the second time you've saved my life these past two weeks! You've earned a break!"

"O-okay, if you say so." Said a reluctant dipper as he turned on the T.V. Where the commercial for a certain psychic was playing...

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**AN: not that long I know, but this is a deconstruction fic. Inspired by one of my favorite authors PSYKOTIC ADDICTION (who can be found on my favorites) Hope you end your hiatus soon buddy! Your fans are eager and waiting!**

**And please review!...life has no meaning otherwise...**


	5. Chapter 5

A pine tree diverges in a wood ch.5

I REGRET AND OWN NOTHING!

…...

"Liar!" Screamed Gideon, "you turned her against me!" Gideon leered at dipper and fantasized of that arm sling turning into a body bag.

"And now I'm going to rip apart that lying tongue and your body." Mused Gideon as he called upon the power of his amulet to throw hundreds of swords at him...that passed through his body harmlessly...

Gideon watched in amazement as "dipper" faded into static. "Wha?-"

And then the door burst open! "Gideon Gleeful! Were with shield! Your under arrest for attempted murder! Put the amulet down and your hands up!" Shouted Phil as he and the others pointed their guns at him.

Gideon paled. "Now hold on gentleman...if you'll just contact the local law and magistrate I'm sure we can get this all sorted"-

Phil snorted. "Yeah no dice. Attempted murder is a federal crime, and you'll be taken before a federal judge."

Gideon grew even paler. The local law enforcement was either too stupid, too enamored with him, or too in his pocket for him to ever worry about suffering any consequences for his actions...But a competent judge outside gravity falls...

"No! You won't take me!"shouted Gideon as he called upon the power of the amulet to levitate.

"This is your last warning." Stated Phil. "HA! YAH'LL ARE NOTHING BUT ANTS! I'M LIKE A GOD! YOU WILL TREMBLE-"

**BANG! **

**GAAAAAAAH! **

screamed Gideon as the shards of his amulet pierced his flesh. "GAAH! ARRGH! YOU SHOOT ME! YOU ACTUALLY SHOT ME! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHO SHOOTS A CHILD!? YOUR ALL INSANE!"

The instant he went down the team immediately swarmed and shackled him. "Search him!" Insisted Phil. "I don't want anymore surprises."

"Wow!" Exclaimed an impressed Sky. "That was a great shot May, but how'd you know that shooting the amulet would only destroy it and not also kill him?"

"-I didn't." Stated may flatly...

…...

A couple minutes later outside the warehouse Gideon was being led away. "Thanks for calling us dipper." said Phil.

Dipper flushed at the compliment. "When Toby called, I almost just went. But then I remembered what you told us, and I called you instead."

Phil smiled. "That was some smart thinking." Dipper smiled. "So is Gideon gone for good? Phil chuckled. "Kid we got him cold. Between the recording of him trying to kill "you" and him resisting arrest...you won't be seeing him for a long time."

…...THE NEXT DAY...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO LET HIM GO!? Phil shouted at nick fury...

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

…...

**Ah, the dreaded cliff hanger! Maybe some reviews would stop a repeat?(hint)(hint) **

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**


	6. Chapter 6

A pine tree diverges in a wood ch. 6

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO LET HIM GO!? Shouted an irritated Phil

at Nick Fury.

Fury sighed. "Hey, I'm not happy about letting that little sociopath go either...But those were the demands of our informant"-

"Informant?" Asked Phil. "Dose this have anything to do with that level 10 file?"

Fury groaned as he rubbed his face in irritation.

"Honestly, Phil. Of all the little town's with a dark secret. In all the hundreds of middle's of nowhere in America...Why did your kids have to end up in this one?"

Phil sighed. "So you know then?"

"Don't worry, only I and a couple of trusted agents know about their true identity." Assured Fury.

He then starts to shuffle through the documents..."The fact is; this town is # 5 on our "towns with a dark secret" watch-list-"

"#5?" asked Phil. "Yeah, I wouldn't recommend Silent hill, Lakeside, Dras-leona, or Hinamizawa for a vacation spot. Said Fury Dryly.

He then twined his fingers together. "Look Phil, I'm going to get right to the point. We have confirmed a sleeping HYDRA cell hiding somewhere in gravity Falls; but more importantly we have reason to believe that Kronin might be in charge of it"-

"Kronin?!" Exclaimed Phil.

"As in Kronin the cruel? As in Kronin the invincible?

As in Kronin the leader of the Thule society?

As in kronin the right hand man of the red skull?

The same kronin who was in charge of Hydra operations in America?

The same Kronin who successfully stole the statue of liberty in broad day light, then let it be rescued because he'd infused it with an eldritch horror that managed to level half of new york before the Captain stopped it?

The Kronin same who masterminded the Pearl harbor attack as a diversion so he could broker a deal with a volcano deity that left every last man, woman and child on Hawai dead; and nearly caused a controlled eruption of the super-volcano under yellow stone?!

The 'man' who switched president Roosevelt with a golem and nearly blew 'The Manhattan project' and a large chunk of the U.S. to kingdom come!? That Kronin?!"

Fury sighed again. "Before his final confrontation with the captain, the red skull sent a coded message to Kronin to go underground and work on "plan B".

Fury pulls up some maps. "We were able to trace it to north America...but the trail went cold...at least until 30 years ago when a strange energy source that was on the same level of power as the tesseract came from some where around the area of gravity falls..."

Only his many years of training and discipline were preventing Phil from panicking.

"-Wait, but what dose this have to do with us giving the informant back Gideon?"

We might reward informants...but never anything that big...not unless we had no choice-

Fury braced himself for the shitstorm that was about to go down.

"I'm afraid the situation is more complicated"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED

**AN: Yep, this is now a hellboy crossover...not going to lie to you Gideon is slowly going to be phased out...Let's face it, in the marvel universe (or real life) he'd be more of a joke than an actual threat...Bill Cipher will remain(he's awesome!)...but his limitations prevent him from being the constant antagonistic force I need...as for the back story...hey it's my story I'll make up whatever junk I find entertaining. Have a nice day! **

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**I CAME, I SAW, I CONQUERED! (please review if you agree)**


	7. Chapter 7

A pine tree diverges in a wood ch. 7

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

_All your life they've let you know-_

_How far you could not go!_

_Who are you to change this world!? Shouted a teacher_

_Silly Boy! Chastised a guidance councilor_

_No one needs to hear your words! Mocked a bully_

_Let it go...Stated a local policeman_

…_..._

Dipper gasped as he abruptly woke up. He groaned. Typical.

The first time in days he was able not think about Wendy and go to sleep-

So of course he had a nightmare! All those things that were said...what those people had actually said wasn't as harsh as his dream depicts it (except the bully)...Although they might as well have said it like that... Dipper shook his head.

He needed to get some sleep...Wendy had invited him to a teenage night on the town...that'll get his mind off things!

…...

Wendy was wandering around the aisles of the "dawn 2 dusk" store-

When she saw dipper hunched over something.

Feeling mischievous she hide close by and ready to ponce on him. She was about to do just that when she heard this:

-"I know this is going to sound paranoid...but I think this store is haunted."

This surprised Wendy. Even more surprising was the voice of phil Coulson

apparently came out of nowhere. "Dipper, you live in a town full of monsters,

mad scientists, and homicidal psychics. You have every right to be paranoid!"

Now in another universe. Wendy would've been skeptical about anything weird

happening in her life, perhaps even hesitant to take dippers side...this wasn't

that universe. While Wendy contemplated this revelation; phil and dipper continued talking...

…...

"So you'll come check it out!?" Asked a grateful dipper.

Through the com-link Phil voice came through. "Yeah, but it'll take a couple of hours. Best you get everyone out quickly"-

"Wait, what?!" Exclaimed dipper.

"Get everyone out of the building. repeated Phil. Why, is there a problem?"

Dipper suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "Well... is there any way we could just...I don't know...do this quietly?"

There was brief pause on the com-link. "Dipper do you. Or do you not believe that the store your in is haunted?" Asked Phil calmly.

"Well...yes, yes I do- But-" "Then no, we can't do this quietly". Interrupted Phil flatly.

"Oh...okay, cool...makes sense...any way you could get them to evacuate instead of me?"

There was another pause on the com-link. "dipper what's going on?"

Dipper let out a deep sigh. "Look...it's just...the people here...they like me...they think I'm cool...and I"-

DIPPER! Shouted Phil suddenly. "Do you want Mabel to die?!"

"Wha?! No!" Shouted dipper.

Do you want Wendy to die!?

No!

Do you want anyone else there to die?!

No!

Really?! Countered phil. "Because it sounds to me like your saying you care

more about your popularity then the lives of your loved one's!"

"Wha- No! That's not what I meant!" Pleaded a now sobbing dipper.

"How else am I supposed to take this dipper!?" Shouted Phil. Anger, disappointment, and shame clearly evident in his voice. "How else am I suppose to take this stupid, selfish"-

I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LIKE ME!

Shouted dipper. All was silent..."Dipper...what are you talking about?"

While still sobbing dipper explained everything. How all his life he'd been the freak, the loser, the outcast, the weirdo. How he was treated poorly by everyone: schoolmates, townsfolk, teachers, local police, everyone.

How his mom did everything she could to help him...going above and beyond being a mom...Even going as far as uprooting and moving several dozen times just for him...but at the end of the day, she just didn't know what to do with him, how to help him...she just didn't know...she always got along better with mabel.

And most importantly...how at 5 years old...when he first asked "where's my dad?"...and his mom told him how he was "off fulfilling a greater destiny"...he hadn't bought that at all...Dipper explained that at the age of five he knew what she really meant was that his dad didn't love him, didn't want him, and he wasn't worth the effort...and how lately...dipper was starting to think he might be right...

After he finished...there was silence. "M-mr. Coulson?" Asked a timid Dipper. "Are you still there?"

…...

_-I could have just walked up and talked to him like a sane person- _

_But, No! I had to be "weird" about it...good job Wendy, good thinking. _

Thought Wendy as she desperately tried to be unnoticeable in her hiding spot.

As she frantically thought of how to get out of this awkward situation...

…...

Phil's team were having similar thoughts. As they watched their usually strong leader suddenly look every year of his age and then some.

"Uh...sir? You okay?" Asked a concerned Sky.

Without turning around, Phil began to speak. "I don't care what you have to do- What laws you have to break- If it means a crash landing, then so be it! But someone get this plane to gravity falls now!"

Not needing to be told twice, everyone left. Phil steeled himself as he began to talk...

…...

"Okay dipper...listen to me...all of those "cool" and "normal" people that picked on you...did they successfully come to the conclusion that "ancient gods" were actually aliens using advanced technology years before Shield even meet Thor?"

Dipper blushed. "Well, no...that was me."

"And did they successfully crack the Roswell crop circle code using a laptop...The same code that took shield thousands of dollars worth of equipment to figure out?"

Dipper again blushed. "I don't really know if discovering an unsuccessful alien

AD campaign counts as impor"-

"And finally, did they figure out that "the ten rings" terrorist organization was being destroyed by tony stark in a mech-suite one month before he revealed it himself?"

Dipper was very flustered now. "Again...no...also me."

Huh. Scoffed Phil. "Got to say, 'normal' is starting to sound pretty boring...and "weird" is sounding more interesting by the second...which would you rather be?"

Dipper sighed, "That's all well and good...but it doesn't answer my question...Am I worth it...is my life worth it?...if I disappeared today would anyone care?"

And that's when he was grabbed from behind...

…...5 seconds ago...

_Screw it, my friend needs me..._

…...

Dipper looked in amazement as Wendy hugged him. "W-wendy?"

Wendy gave him a very serious look. "I'd miss you dipper-"

Dipper blushed. "Wait, you heard all"-

-"Yes, sorry. I shouldn't have but I did. But that's not the point! The point is dipper- You've saved my life twice! And far as I know you've saved mabel's life once! Maybe more for all I know! Don't you think she'd miss you too?"

"And I'd miss you as well." Finished phil. "I'm grateful to have met you...and frankly I'd like to think my life's been better for it...

Dipper didn't know what to think- he was so overcome with so many conflicting emotions...he didn't know what to do...so he just hugged her back and cried...and then they heard other people crying.

"T-that was so beautiful." Sobbed Ma ghost as she and Pa ghost watched on...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED

**AN: YEAH, so major deconstruction of dippers "skewed priorities" during this episode...and it's only going to get darker from here...and as for dipper's back-story...hey it's my story I'll make up whatever I want. Don't like, don't read...**

**If it ain't Baroque, don't review it. (please review)**


	8. Chapter 8

A pine tree diverges in the wood .ch 8

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Wendy and Dipper quickly backed away from the ghosts. "Wha- Who are you!?" Asked a panicky dipper.

So the ghosts explain how they died and how they sought revenge against teenagers.

"So your going to kill me?" asked a terrified Wendy.

"Oh no dear!" Assured Mom ghost. "Your clearly a loving, polite girl. How you comforted your friend was so sweet!"

Wendy let out a sigh of relief. "So your not going to kill her? Asked a relieved dipper.

"Of course not!- Were just going to kill her friends!" said the ghosts as they vanished.

WHAT!? Shouted both Wendy and dipper as the screaming started up on the other side of the store...

…...

Phil groaned. He finally got one of the predator drones(useless for attacking ghosts, but still good for surveillance) in place...and what he saw was painful...apparently dipper bargained for the other teens lives- in exchange for doing a "cute" dance.

_Lilly...why. Oh, why would you make a little boy do that?..._

…_..._

Wendy knew how humiliated dipper must feel. Which is why she was resisting the urge to squeal in delight...which was really, really hard! Dipper was just so cute right now!

…...

Eventually, Phil's team got there. After making sure everyone was okay. Phil gave the order for an ecto-airstrike to destroy the haunted residence and banish it's residence back to the nether world.

He then smiled as Wendy lied to the teens and prevent dipper from being further humiliated. And gave a chuckle when she "thanked" him with a light peck on the cheek.

But seeing them like this...he couldn't help but think of Lilly..._hopefully it won't be so bad for him..._thought phil with a sigh as he watched history repeat itself...

…**...**

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**TICK TOCK GOES THE REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

A pine tree diverges in the wood. Ch 9

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper crashed into the man-itour's lair; followed close behind by phil's team

and the multi-bear.

Dipper had been on his way from the multi-bears lair to confront the man-itour's when phil called him with distressing news.

Apparently, Wendy had been worried about him when he stormed out of the

diner. So she followed him. Then she got captured by the Man-itour's, and was

about to become apart of their "Wednesday fertility ritual."

Dipper broke into the main cave. Where Leader-Ar; the ruler of the Man-itour's. Had his massive back to dipper. "You! Shouted dipper. First you send me to kill a great guy for liking music you think is too "girly", now you try to rape my best friend!?

Dipper glared at him with disgust. If this is what being a man means, then I don't want to be one! Now give me back my friend or this "not-man" will kick your ass!"

It was at that moment that Leader-Ar keeled over to reveal a large pile of unconscious Man-itour's...with a very bloody Wendy standing triumphantly on top of them.

"Not-man? Asked a panting, ragged Wendy after spitting out some blood. "Really? That's the best you could come up with?" Wendy then began to keel over herself.

Dipper quickly grabbed and steadied her. "W-wendy, you defeated them all?"

Asked dipper in amazement.

Wendy shrugged. "Technically, no. I just threw a couple of rocks at them while they weren't looking. I played the blame game. Watched them fight. And then I just waited until only a couple were left standing. And then I beat those guys up after they were worn out and bruised." Said Wendy with a smile.

…...

Fitz leaned over and whispered to phil: "Sir, would it be inappropriate to say

that your son has great taste in woman"-

"Yes, yes it would. But thank you anyway." said phil with an amused smile.

…...

Wendy then gives dipper a small smile. "For the record, what you said back there...Far as I'm concerned that makes you a better man than all these jerks combined." Said Wendy as she gave dipper a light peck on the cheek.

Dipper flustered, then tried to regain his composure. "R-right, let's just go home

then."

Wendy got a sly look in her eye. "Hey jungle boy. Aren't you forgetting

something?" she said while pointing to his 'attire.'

It was only then dipper remembered that he was only wearing a loincloth in front of the girl he liked.

At this point he gave up completely on regaining composure and just covered

himself embarrassed.

Phil groaned. "Alright, Simmons. Go get the girl checked up. And sky please get the poor boy some clothes"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED

**AN: seriously why aren't there more AU's were Wendy is in this episode? I just don't get it!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**HIT me with your best Flame! (or review)**


	10. Chapter 10

A pine tree diverges in the wood. Ch 10

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-"Long story short: I was expelled the next day, and to my knowledge. They have never found out what happened to all those mules...even to this day."

Explained Phil over the com-link. "Do you get why I'm telling you this story dipper?" Asked Phil.

"Uh...your basicly saying that I shouldn't use a list for interacting with Wendy?" Asked dipper.

"Dipper I'm saying you should throw the list away and just have a good time with her. Glob knows you deserve a break."

Dipper still wasn't sure...but he trusted Coulson. "Okay, Mr. Coulson. I'll do that."

Phil chuckled. "Hey, just call me Phil. Oh, and will be by latter to check on that "Copying-Machine" you told me about...

…...

And so dipper tried not over-complicating things...And it worked out great!

Sure, he made one clone to take his spot at the ticket booth. And then two more to steal robbies bike and keep him away from the party. But that was it.

Other then that he hung out with Wendy and they both had a great time...Oh, and he also made a dozen clones to sink pacifica's yacht after she cheated Mabel out of her prize...

…**...**

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Do the Harlem shake and review!**


	11. Chapter 11

A pine tree diverges in the wood ch.11

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-"Are you going to kill us!?" Shouted Mabel at Blubs and durland.

OH NO! Shouted Durland horrified.

"No, no!" Said Blubs calmly to Durland. "Calm down now, buddy, calm down."

He then turns to the twins. "We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You ain't comin' back, by the way." Mabel cried out in panic.

And dipper...dipper was smirking!? Blubs looked at him confused. "Uh, did hear what I just said?"

Dipper nodded. "Yes, yes I did." He then held up his com-link. "More importantly, so did the whole world!"

"Look alive guys! Your live at 9!" Shouted sky from the com-link.

"Were on TV?!" Shouted Durland excitedly. "Shoot! Of all days not to wear makeup!"

Blubs however had turned pale. "Wait! What!?"

Suddenly Phil's voice came over the Com-link. "Durland and blubs! Your under arrest for conspiracy to kidnap...and if we can wing it: being apart of the dumbest conspiracy I've ever heard!"

Blubs paled. "Now wait just a minute-"

Suddenly his com-link activated. "Blubs! You moron! Why are you broadcasting our plan!? It's on every TV on the planet! It's posted on every inch of the internet! It's going viral!"

"Ah, the man of the hour." Said Phil sarcastically.

"You!" Shouted the man. "You think you've won!? I am one of many in a grand cabal that for the last two centuries have deeply entrenched ourselves in the infrastructure of this great nation! Were too clever to be stopped by the likes of-

**CRASH!**

The com-link went silent. No one spoke for a second. Then Phil said: "Everything taken care

of Ward?"

"Yes sir!" Shouted a voice over blubs com-link. "All the ring leaders have been incapacitated. All their followers have been rounded up and accounted for. All their assets, accounts, and estates have been either confiscated or frozen. And all their dirty secrets have been leaked to everywhere. This conspiracy is officially dead in the water!"

…...

The next couple of hours went by in a blur. As it turns out the "conspiracy" was originally

started by a group of seedy shysters. Who took advantage of the countries strong desire to

erase Trembly from memory; To seize an unprecedented (and illegal) amount of power...that

they and their descendants have been shamelessly exploiting ever since.

The main reason they'd gotten away with it for so long is because no one (outside of it) took the conspiracy seriously...it was just so silly!

So Nathinel Northwest was officially declared a fraud(with a nice ceremony that involved Trembly blowing up his statue, much to pacifica's anger).

Now the Northwest's technically weren't an active part of the conspiracy nor had any actual knowledge of it...So Phil couldn't arrest them. However, since a large portion of their fortune and estates was given to them yearly as illegal "hush money". He could confiscate that.

The look on the Northwest's faces when they were told that over 3/4th's of everything they had was to be confiscated; made the pines family day!

Durland and blubs had truly believed they'd been taking orders from a legitimate government official(also Phil pitied them)...so they were let off with some community service.

As for trembly? He gifted Mabel with a congress hat, dipper with a skeleton key, ate a salamander, and rode off a cliff backwards on a donkey...

Yep, just another day in gravity falls...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Alright everybody! Next up: THE TIME TRAVELERS PIG!...As you can guess things are going to end a little bit differently...(evil laugh) **

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**


	12. Chapter 12

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 12

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Jakob Nystrom was frantic! It had been sheer luck that he had escaped from shield custody with the berserker Staff. Using it he'd overpowered and taken control of a small plane. Having never flown a plane before it was a miracle he stayed up in the air as long as he did...of course he eventually crashed.

Having no idea where he was he'd just been running in random directions for the last several days. And now he was at a...Carnival? Well, where ever he was he needed to leave quickly! He didn't know for certain if that man he saw an hour ago was agent Coulson or not. But he wasn't taking any chances!…..Still, he hadn't eaten in days. He needed food!

Suddenly he saw a wallet sticking out of a little boys pocket. Chump change probably, but better than nothing. The boy in question was preoccupied with a girl his age fiddling with some strange tape measure. Jakob stealthily grabbed the wallet-

Just as the tape measure glowed and enveloped him with light.

…...

The instant dipper and mabel landed. Dipper gave last minute instructions on how to rearrange the storm drain. They then split up to handle their separate tasks. Both twins were so caught up in their own thoughts. They didn't notice the startled man who'd fallen flat on his but behind them.

…...

Jakob couldn't believe his eye's! The position of the sun! The clocks! The hideous old man announcing the time over the intercom! All telling him the same thing! He'd traveled one hour into the past! _T-the tape measure! It sent me through time!? But that's impossible! _Thought Jakob to himself. Then he chuckled. _On the other hand I am currently holding an alien weapon used by the Norse gods...So maybe keeping an open mind on this wouldn't be the worse idea..._

…...

"But if we don't go, I'll lose waddles forever!" Shouted Mabel as she made a grab for the tape measure. Suddenly both Mabel and dipper found themselves knocked over and the tape measure snatched form dipper's hands.

"HA! Yes, it is mine now!" Shouted a strange man wielding an even stranger staff. Cower before me fools! Shouted the man as he banged the staff on the ground with such force the entire fair ground shook! Yes! Flee from your new god! Shouted the clearly power drunk man. As he continuously banged the staff on the ground. The patrons screamed as the ferris wheel collapsed. "Yes! Truly I am blessed! The heavens themselves have shown me favor! For with power of the beserkers and the flow of time itself at my beck and call. I am truly unstop"-

**BANG!**

For an expert marksman, a single shot was all it took. First the tape measure(and the hand that held it) exploded. Then Jakobs head. Perfect shot. Phil sighed. "Idiot."

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: alright! Well isn't this a mess! Well will deal with the aftermath the week after next!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Under the reviews!**

**Under the Reviews!**

**They'll be no flamers**

**Just friendly acusationers**

**Under the reviews!**


	13. Chapter 13

A pine tree diverges in a woods ch. 13

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Phil quickly ran to the twins. "You alright!?" Dipper nodded. He was a bit shaken but fine. Mabel, meanwhile had ran to the man's corpse. No! No! No! She cried out as she frantically tried to put the pieces of the shattered tape measure back together. Seeing it was fruitless, she turned to Phil. "Mr. Coulson...I needed that." Said Mabel clearly on the verge of tears.

Coulson sighed. "Look sweetie, whatever's wrong I'll help you latter. Right now I need to get the staff to a safe place-" "You mean this?" Said Robbie as he bent down to pick it up. "Robbie don't!" Screamed Phil. But it was too late.

**GRRRRAAAAAHHHHH!**

Screamed Robbie as the staff filled him with great power and even greater rage. Phil quickly stood protectively in front of the kids. He turned to them. "Quick! Was he mad at anyone or anything in particular before-" DIPPER! Screamed Robbie as he charged forward!

Phil groaned. _Of course. _He thought to himself as he watched dipper run from the charging Robbie. He quickly brought out his Non-lethal weaponry. But cursed as he realized- "What are standing around for!? Dipper is going to die!" Shouted a fearful Wendy as she ran up and snatched one of the guns. "Wendy wai-!"

**BANG!**

Robbie screamed as he dropped the staff and grasped the remains of his testicles. Wendy looked at this in horror. Phil moaned, called an ambulance, then calmly took the gun out of the deathly pale Wendy's hands. "Yeah, so I'd just realized I'd left my "night-night gun" back on the Bus...And accidentally took a real gun by mistake." Confessed Phil. "Uh-huh" whimpered an unnerved Wendy.

She was then glomped by a grateful Dipper. "That was awesome Wendy! You saved my life! He was about to rip me half! Thank you!" Despite the situation, Wendy couldn't help but smile and return the hug. Phil smiled and left them at it for a minute before getting back to business. Right, I know your all a bit shaken...but it's really important you tell me about that tape-measure I shot. My scanner indicates that it was laced with chrono-particles...And I need to know what I'm dealing with here. Dipper groaned. But knew he needed to come clean...he owed Phil that much...

…...

And so dipper fessed up to everything. "Wow, thanks dipper! I appreciate that...but why didn't you just tell me what was going on? We could've avoided the whole thing!" Asked a confused Wendy. Dipper blushed. He really didn't want to explain the whole "Robbie" part. "Well- began an embarrassed dipper. "It's okay dipper." Interrupted Phil quickly. "This was a complicated situation, so naturally you focused on a complicated answer. The simple answer never occurring to you, nothing to be embarrassed about." He smiles at Wendy. "You'd be amazed how many times that's happened to me."

"Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense." said Wendy with a shrug. When she wasn't looking Phil gave dipper a sly wink. To which a relieved Dipper mouths "thank you". Phil then turns to Mabel. "But I'm kind of surprised at you Mable. You do realize that had you gotten Waddles back; it would have meant Wendy would have been hurt?"

"Hey, that's right! Exclaimed Wendy. She glared at Mabel. What the hell Mable!?" Mabel blanched horrified. "What?! No! I-I guess I just didn't think-" Mabel shook her head. "Look Wendy, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you latter, I promise. But right now I need to stop pacifica from eating waddles!" Dipper turned to Phil. Couldn't you do something? Maybe confiscate Waddles for "national security reasons"?

Phil sighed. "I'm sorry. I wish I could...but I'm kinda on thin ice with my superiors right now...I've made some questionable decisions lately." Said Phil, while deciding not to elaborate that by "decisions" he meant his constantly coming to gravity falls...Fury was covering for him...but it was clear people were getting suspicious. While he was thinking this Mabel had walked away depressed and began banging her head against a lamppost. Phil looked at her concerned. "Will she be alright?" Dipper although a little worried, shrugged. "It's fine, she'll be over it in a day"...

…...

However, she didn't. In direct defiance of human anatomy and physics. Mabel continuously banged her head without rest for several days. Simmons was baffled by this...although she was getting weird readings from the surrounding area's...

Fortunately the whole mess sorted itself out. Waddles apparently escaped pacifica, then went on the run for several days before finding Mabel. Sky quickly drafted a bunch of false documents that "proved" Waddles was a different pig bought legally...and all was well with the world...

….A couple days earlier...

"But I'm telling you! I only put it down for a couple minutes! I don't know what happened to it!" Exclaimed Blendin as he was hauled away for the class-A time felony of misplacing a time machine in the past...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Okay, listen up! Up to this point I've been doing the episodes in chronological order. But for plot reasons. I'll be doing some major reshuffling! Trust me, I'm going for something. Next Up: "Voice Over!"**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Review bomb! Review bomb! Your my review bomb! Baby you just review me on!**


	14. Chapter 14

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 14

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**AN: just a reminder! For plot reasons, I'm going to play with the order of the next couple of episodes! Trust me! It'll pay off!**

…...

_What you are isn't good enough!_

…_..._

Dipper gasped as he woke up from what felt like the 50th nightmare this week. _Their getting worse. _Thought dipper as he tried once more to get some sleep...

…...the next day...

Wendy had just come back from the woods carrying waddles. She, soos, and Mabel had been playing "spin the pig" when waddles suddenly bolted into the woods. She went after him. When she got near the clearing, she heard that crazy Re-mix of dipper's voice. Now in another universe...actually that was just a story dipper made up in a bottomless hole...so that imaginary Wendy's action's are actually irrelevant here...

Anyway, she liked the remix...but felt it was being mean to dipper...but hadn't said anything because Mabel was so cute when she dances...and really, as long as dipper never heard it; what was the harm-

No sooner had Wendy thought that; than she entered the clearing and saw a devastated dipper tearfully watch as soos and Mabel danced to the remix. Suddenly Wendy felt ashamed and horrified at herself.

**Thump!**

And seeing dipper suddenly keel over didn't make her feel any better. DIPPER! She shouted as she ran over to him. Mabel meanwhile just chuckled. "Oh, relax! Dipper's just being silly!" Soos however looked more concerned. "Wait, didn't he say something about...a bite?" Sure enough, Wendy was quick to find a snake bite. "I'm calling an ambulance!" Said Wendy as she dialed.

"What!? Exclaimed Mabel. No come on , he's fine- Look, I'll just tickle him in his least favorite spot-" Wendy violently shoved her away. "What, no! Mabel, what is wrong with you!?" Mabel looked hurt at the sudden shove. "Wendy, that hurt-" GUYS! Shouted a hysterical Soos. "I don't think he's breathing!" And now even Mabel was concerned...

…...

Dipper woke up to the sight of a sobbing Wendy. Seeing he was awake she quickly hugged him. Dipper quickly found out he was at the hospital; and despite the initial scare he should be fine in a couple days. It was then a tearful Mabel rushed in. Dipper! I- But she stopped short when she saw the look of anger on both Dipper and Wendy's faces. Mabel chuckled nervously. "Uh guys...why are you looking at me like that?"

Dipper sighed. "Just so I have this straight...I come out of the woods crying about a snakebite...and your first thought is to tease my voice and play a hurtful song...and when I fall unconscious...you want to tickle me? Said a dipper in a "tranquil rage" sort of way. Mabel suddenly felt horrible. "Wha- I- dipper, I swear I didn't mean for this to-"

"Okay, you know what? I don't care...Mabel just go...I don't want to see you right now." Mabel felt like she'd been punched in the gut. "Dipper I'm sor-" Suddenly Wendy was shoving her out of the room. "He asked you to leave. Said Wendy coldly. And FYI, I've already destroyed that tape. And I'll do the same to anything else you make like that." Mabel turned back to doorway, her face filled with tears. "Guy's I'm sorr-"

**SLAM!**

Mabel wept as she walked away from the closed door. She was so sullen, she didn't notice Phil and his team nearby...or that they'd heard everything. "Wow. Said Ward. No offense sir, but your daughters kind of a-" Phil Groaned.

"No, look that's not it...Her mother had the same problem. She was so optimistic she had a hard time taking anything seriously...she would also try make light of any situation...even when she shouldn't. She wasn't this bad when I meet her...but she told me that when she was a kid she was much worse...And of course she never had to be apart of a situation this bad." Phil sighed as he both remembered Lilly fondly and looked over to a dejected Mabel as she went to Sweaterland...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Alright, next up! Fight Fighters! Were will I go from here!?**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Talking out of a turn? That's a paddlin'! **

**Looking out the window? That's a Paddlin'! **

**staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'! **

**Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a reviewing!**


	15. Chapter 15

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 15

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

_In a dark kitchen. An 8 year old boy is all alone and bruised...the bullies had been especially mean today...then he started to sing:_

_Happy birthday to me_

_Happy birthday to me_

_...I'm so dawm lonely_

_...Won't someone please kill me?_

_And with that, the little boy began to sob uncontrollably-_

…...

Gasp! Dipper pines woke up with a start. Then he cursed. Another nightmare! Another distorted repressed memory of the past!

Yes, that had been an awful day...but the only reason he was alone; was because it was Mabel's turn to have a birthday! Mom didn't even know what had happened to him until she got home a couple hours later!

When she did learn she practically bent over backwards to make it up to him! He groaned, still the nightmares were getting worse. What was he supposed to do about this? What-

His musings were interrupted by Mabel's snoring. He looked at her confused. True, Phil had helped patch things up between them...but as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise...they were far from okay.

Sure Mabel hadn't meant to be hurtful...but did that really make up for the fact that it was hurtful? Not to mention the fact that he nearly died because she couldn't take him seriously!

Honestly, how was he supposed to rely on her after that!? Dipper mulled these thoughts around his head as he tried to get back to sleep...

…...The Next Day...

"Yeah, so I'm totally gonna wail on that little twerp!" Bragged Robbie to the ice cream vendor. The Vendor said nothing and moved his cart away.

Robbie was finishing his ice cream when an Asian woman in a tight outfit suddenly stepped in front of him. "I'd like a word with you." Stated Melinda May flatly...

…...

Dipper headed to the park with Mcskirmish in tow. Dipper began to turn to him to tell him to wait here while he tried to convince Robbie to back down. Then he saw May-

…...

Robbie screamed as he dangled upside down from the top of the tree with may holding him by a leg. "Do we understand each other?" asked may.

"Yes! Screamed Robbie. Yes! I'll leave him alone! I'm sorry!" May let him down easy, and watched him squirm away. May called Phil. "It's done."

…...

Phil smiled. He wasn't too far away from the park. Keeping a birds eye view on things. Now all he needed to do was find dipper and- That's when he saw him.

More specifically he saw him apparently being mocked by a giant arcade game character. A start button appears in mid-air-

…...

Dipper hesitated. But Rummbel's taunts still rang in his ears. So he reaches for it- Suddenly a large ball hits the button, instantly covering it with a cage. Rummble screamed as he faded from existence.

Dipper looks behind him and sees an out of breath Phil holstering a standard Issue "neutralize-videogame-brought-to-life-start-button-gun". Phil paused to catch his breath. Then spoke.

"Dipper, what is wrong with you?! Why would you-" "Why did you scare off Robbie!? Interrupted dipper. It was my fight!"

Phil gave him a bewildered look. Dipper, a guy twice your size threatened to hurt you! Of course I'm going to intervene!"

"But it was my fight! I could handle it!" Insisted Dipper. Phil groaned. "Dipper there's a difference between confidence and over-confidence!"

"Last week when I fought a cyclops that was twice my size and strength. Did I charge it head on with nothing but my fists? No! I knew that would be suicide; So I had Ward distract it while May blew up it's head from a safe distance!"

It's just common sens-" "I want to be fearless like you!" Interrupted a tearful Dipper. Phil was taken back! He...wanted be like him?...he really didn't how to feel about that. Good? Weird? Good Weird?- He shook it off, that wasn't the issue right now.

"Dipper, I'm not fearless. I'm scared all the time!" Dipper looked at him in surprise. "Really?" Asked Dipper. Phil nodded. "When I heard that Robbie had threatened you, I was terrified!

"Dipper, the trick isn't not having fear. It's not letting that fear control you. Fear can actually be good for you, makes you cautious."

"You know what I call someone who runs into battle with no fear?" Dipper shakes his head. "A moron that going to get himself and his teammates killed." Chuckled Phil like he'd said the punchline of a joke. And dipper couldn't help but laugh too...

…...latter at a diner...

"-So these nightmares have been getting worse?" Asked a concerned Phil as they both had lunch. Dipper nodded.

He'd finally decided to come clean about that. If he couldn't trust Phil; who could he trust? Before they could continue the discussion they heard a scream from outside.

They looked outside just in time to see Wendy pile drive Robbie. "Get out of my sight you jerk!" Snapped Wendy. The banged up Robbie Whimpered as he slinked away. Wendy walked inside and went to Phil. She revealed a tape recorder.

"An Ice cream vendor gave me this recording of Robbie bragging about beating up Dipper...is it safe to assume that was one of your guys in disguise?"

Phil nodded. "Fitz say's hi by the way." Wendy sighs.

"Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I appreciate all the help you've given us...But why do you keep coming here? To us?

"What do you mean? This place is a hotspot of supernatural activity. It only makes sense for us to be here." Said Phil quickly hoping it would be enough to placate her...It wasn't.

Wendy shook her head. "No, it's more then that. You keep helping us, visiting with us, casually telling us stuff that has to be above-classified-

Phil groaned inwardly. _Of course my son would fall for a girl too smart to be fooled. _Thought Phil as he desperately tried to think of a way out of this...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Okay up next "Little Dipper!" Let's go for the win!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**What do you want, the moon? Just say the word and I'll put a lasso around it and pull it down...If you review!**


	16. Chapter 16

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 16

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

It had been an average ordinary day at the Shack. Tourists rummaged, Stan fleeced, Tyler once more tried to decide between shirts, and Wendy talked to her friends(minus Robbie who was being shunned). They were all scattered about the shack, talking all at once...But they all heard it-

**SLAP!**

Soos looked at the scene in horror. When he mentioned Mabel's height...He hadn't meant anything by it! It was just a casual comment! But Mabel ran with it! Laughing and spewing out small joke after joke. Now in a different world; Soos would have probably joined in...

But after the whole "snake bite" incident...Now he was more cautious or tried to be anyway. He'd wanted to stop her! Really, he did! But he was so used to encourage wacky behavior...Discouraging it more or less went against everything that made him Soos! Try as he could, he just didn't know where to begin!

...And now here they were. Mabel was on the floor. A look of shocked disbelief on her face. A black eye now blemished her once adorable face. And Dipper...Dipper was pissed!

Mabel looked at her brother in uncomprehending horror. She was literally too shocked to say anything. After a few moments of stunned silence. Dipper sighed and then in the most tranquil resigned way possible...began to speak.

"You know...I've had a pretty rough summer all things considering: Rescuing you from the gnomes, the Gobbelwonker, the wax figures, getting involved with Gideon to help you, the ghosts, the manitour's, nearly getting arrested for solving a conspiracy to make you feel better, the beserkers, nearly dying from a snake bite while you happily danced the night away...

Oh! And Apparently I've also been mind-raped for the past several dozen nights by a monster who walked into our room; while you slept obliviously of course." Said Dipper in a still very tranquil matter...Despite the rage those words clearly hid.

Mabel, still not knowing what to say; remained silent. Dipper took another deep breath and continued: "I gotta say...after going through all that...I really don't think I'm asking too much when I just want a quiet morning with people I like and can trust not to make jokes at my expense." He said flatly.

He then stared at Mabel intensely. "Of course, what do I know? I'm just your silly **little **brother, right? What do you think Mabel? You probably know so much more than me; What with you being the "alpha-twin" and everything." Mabel finally getting over her shock tries to speak. "Dipper I-"

But Dipper wasn't done. "In fact, why stop their? Why be the Alpha-twin when you can be the Only-Twin!?" Dipper then storms off; But not before adding: "Enjoy being a twin Mabel! Frankly, I hated it!"

**SLAM!**

And like that he was gone. You could hear a pin drop. Stan was the first to get over it.

"Alright, either buy something or get out!" He snapped at all the curious onlookers; who immediately tried to look busy again or get out.

Nate snorted. "Ghosts and gnomes? Sheesh! What's that kid been huffing?" He said with a chuckle-

**SLAP!**

Que Wendy slapping him across the face. "You ungrateful jerk! Dipper saved our lives from a ghost you idiot!" All three of her friends looked at her weird.

"Uh...Wendy what are you talking about?" Asked a confused Lee. Wendy rolled her eye's "Oh, ha. ha. Very funny Lee. Not." She said dryly. Tambry looked at her bewildered. "What? No, seriously Wendy. We have no idea what you-"

"Okay, you know what? Interrupted Wendy. I don't have time for this. When your done being immature jerks I'll be helping my friend." Said Wendy as she briskly walked away.

…...

She walked up to soos. "Talk to me." She stated intensely. A now very terrified Soos confessed to everything. Wendy Growled. "Your lucky your such a loveable oaf." She said Darkly.

She then walked toward Mable(who was currently in Sweater land); and readied to kick her through the window. "Whoa! Shouted Stan. Wendy, I'm not saying she wouldn't deserve it...But you realize I can't just let you kick my great nice to the moon, right?"

Wendy sighed. "Fair enough...Now what did Dipper mean with that last part about "Mind-Rape"? That's the first time I've heard of it!" Stan sighed. "Okay...there was an..."Incident" last night...look it's not my place to say...you'll have to ask Dipper- But Wendy had already left.

…...

Wendy found Dipper in her secret spot sulking. After a long moment of silence: "You know you can tell me anything, right?" Said Wendy to the boy who'd become very dear to her.

"Yeah, I know." Said Dipper without hesitation to the girl he'd learned to love more than he ever thought possible...

…...

And so he told her...told her about the Silence...

…...

**ROOOOOAAAAR!**

Dipper woke up to the sound of the inhuman scream. He saw Phil's team restraining somethi- Wait, what was he thinking about?

"Dipper! Quick! Put this on!" Shouted Phil as he placed a mechanized eyepatch on dipper. And in that instant Dipper remembered everything.

He remembered how night after night. A monster walked into his room and violated his mind, his memories! Forcing him to relieve his worst memories, his nightmares, his insecurities! Distorted and twisted they ravaged his mind!

It was too much stimulus to take in at once, so he fainted. Once he came to. The beast was gone. Phil then told him about the Silence. A sadistic, mysterious race of parasitic aliens that had lived on earth for thousands of years.

Through the power of memory manipulation they had been the true power behind humanity. Ruling it from the shadows...Until WWII.

HYDRA allied with them...and then double crossed them. They created(with help from a reluctant(but willing) Howard Stark) a neurotoxin that wiped out ¾th's of their species in a single day and night.

Which gave SHIELD the time it needed to finish them off. With a little help from Neil Armstrong. They set a trap that brought them to the brink of extinction...and "more or less" effectively neutralized them as a threat even to this day.

However, it wasn't unheard of for the remnants to be occasionally hired as assassins. They didn't know who sent it...But Phil swore to find out...

…...

Wendy frowned. She still didn't know what to think about Phil. A couple days ago at the diner when she pushed him about why he was helping them. All he would tell her was that it was for "personal reasons."

She wanted to press further; but dipper told her not to. He trusted Phil. So reluctantly, Wendy let it go.

"-So Phil told Stan. But he left it to me about telling anyone else. Mabel didn't know, she slept through the whole thing! Every night that thing was here attacking me, she slept through it!"

Dipper sighed. "I know she'd never intentionally be mean to me. Never intentionally hurt me. And if she had been awake, she would have fought that beast tooth and nail...But the fact remains she did hurt me, she was mean to me, and more often then not...lately she hasn't been there when I needed her the most...I just don't think I can trust her anymore."

But then he smiled. "But at least I know I can trust you." Wendy flustered...She had no idea how to respond to that...neither did...So they just hugged...happy and oblivious to the world...

…...

Unfortunately, one person's happiness can be another's despair...A lesson that a young Mabel who was peeking out of the trapdoor, was now learning the hard way. Her face drenched in tears; she leaves the two alone...

…**...UNDISCLOSED TIME AND PLACE...**

A man is sitting behind his desk, suddenly he gets a call. After a brief conversation. The man angrily shouts and storms out the door; throwing a file across the room.

A file containing pictures of a 12 year old boy, a Silence, and red skull surrounded by tentacles...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN:bet you Didn't see that coming! And No The Doctor isn't here(sorry). But maybe some more of his monsters will!**

**Alright, next up "Carpet Diem!"**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Life's like a box of Reviews**

**You never know what your going to get**


	17. Chapter 17

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 17

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Mabel opens the door and lets her friends out. "That was awesome girls. See you again soon!" As Grenda and Candy left, and battered and bloodied Dipper entered. Mabel Smiled at her brother. "Hey brother! Want any of this leftover pizza? It's got glitter on it!"

"Mabel, last night an owl tried to eat my tongue, A rabid wolf almost ripped out my leg, and a "Male" Chupacabra nearly succeed in making me his Bitch." Said an unnervingly tranquil Dipper without skipping beat.

Now in Mabel's defense; in the last couple days she had put out a grand effort to be a better sibling. Both because she desperately wanted to patch the ever-increasing rift that had popped up between them...And also because Wendy threatened her.

Unfortunately, for all concerned; she was still drowsy, tired, and hungover(on smiley dip). So...her judgment and "taking things serious" skills were greatly impaired. So of course: "Ha ha! That's great!" "Great!? Snarled Dipper. Did you hear what I just said! Your impossible to live with!"

"What? I'm delightful to live with! Get ready to be poked by the fun stick! Boop!" Said Mabel as she tries to poke him. Dipper snatches the fun stick and snaps in two. Dipper, was really getting frustrated!

"Mabel, I've had it with the fun stick! You've totally wrecked our room! And- _Gasp! _-oh no! Our mini-golf course! Mable Giggled. "Yeah. Grenda sure loves breaking things." Dipper turned on her angrily.

"Do you hold nothing I care about sacred!?" Snapped Dipper now foaming at the mouth. He then made one more attempt to calm himself. "No more slumber parties." he stated in suppressed rage. "What?! Snapped Mabel still oblivious to the time bomb in front of her. Well if I can't have sleepovers, than you can't keep me up every night with your summer reading!" She stated flatly. Dipper glared at her in disbelief.

"No, Mabel. After the hell you put me through last night; This isn't a negotiation!" Said a foaming mouth, eye twitching Dipper; who was currently tasting blood where he'd bitten his tongue almost all the way through in an increasingly futile attempt to suppress his rage.

Mabel probably still drunk on Smiley Dip; retorted:"Meow meow meow meow meow!" Against all medical logic; Dipper's eye's were actually starting to go bloodshot- "Alright, if you meow one more time-"

It should come to no surprise to most people that in a former life Mabel had a hobby of putting straws on camels backs. "Meow meow meow!" She again retorted. It should also come to no surprise to anyone that after all the crap Dipper had to put up with lately...He was long past due for a nervous breakdown...and he didn't disappoint.

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Screamed Dipper at the top of his lungs. Mabel looked at him in shock and concern. Suddenly, she was now very wide awake and afraid. YOU DON'T LIKE MY READING!? FINE! I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT! Shouted dipper as he started throwing his books out the window.

A no longer oblivious Mabel tried to remedy the situation. "Uh, Dipper? Maybe, I was a bit hasty-" She began cautiously. The phrase "Too little, Too late" sadly comes to mind here, unfortunately. Dipper simply ignored her as he continued to throw all of his cherished possessions out the window.

…**..A couple minutes latter outside...**

Wendy whistled a tune as she walked up to the shack. Ready to begin work-

**CRASH!**

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Wendy watched in horror as Dipper threw himself through a closed window; screaming as he fell with the shattered glass and landed on the bushes with a thud.

Wendy began to see red. "Oh, for the love of- MABEL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW!?"

"I'M NOT DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!" Shouted a tearful Mabel sincerely.

Wendy however wasn't listening. Ax clenched in teeth she raced up the wall toward the window to Mabel.

I'M GOING TO %$* #%&amp; ***##$ KILL YOU! She screamed as she jumped into the room. Ax at the ready. Mabel screamed as she dodged the ax and ran.

…**..3 hours of Soos and Stan protecting Mabel from a homicidal Wendy latter...**

Eventually, Stan got the idea of reminding her that Dipper might need help. Wendy, immediately calmed down and ran out of the ruins that used to be the shack.

Meanwhile, Dipper had finally come to. "Dipper! Are you alright!?" Shouted a concerned Wendy. Dipper submerged in the bush; hazily began to remember the details of his breakdown.

"Uh...I think so." Said Dipper with a groan as he left the confines of the bush. Wendy immediately turned red and turned away. "Uh...Dipper-" She began to say cautiously. And then dipper noticed it too.

GAH! He cried out in embarrassment as he covered his naked body. "Why did I-" And the he remembered.

…**..FLASHBACK...**

"-OH! AND LET'S NOT FORGET MY DIRTY LAUNDRY! I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE THAT! BEST GET RIDE OF IT ALL!" He shouted as he threw more of his stuff out the window.

"DIPPER! I WON'T HAVE ANYMORE SLUMBER PARTIES! JUST PLEASE STOP!" Pleaded Mabel tearfully. But the rabid Dipper wouldn't be deterred. After all his other clothes were gone. He began to strip, much to Mabel's ever growing horror-

…...

-He still didn't remember what possessed him to jump...And frankly he felt that was probably for the best. A flustered Wendy gave him her jacket. As Dipper rapped it around him.

He asked: "Uh...You didn't actually see anything, right?" He asked hopefully. "Wha- Oh, no! Of course I didn't!" She said quickly; as she tasted blood from almost biting through her tongue suppressing her laughter .

_He just had a nervous breakdown._

_Don't you dare laugh at his unbelievably tiny testicles!_

She repeated this mantra to herself repeatedly as she took Dipper to the hospital.

…**..One trip to ER(and several Rabies shots) latter...**

Needless to say Dipper decided he couldn't be Mabel's roommate anymore. Despite Mabel's begging and pleading, dipper wouldn't relent. And Wendy even offered to let Dipper stay at her house until Stan made other arrangements...

…...

Stan watched Dipper and Wendy walked happily away together. "Well that was an interesting mornin-

Stan suddenly found himself being jerked down and forced to look into the eye's of the most feared monster known to man: "A royally pissed off girl!"

"Find a place for dipper to stay here! NOW!" Demanded Mabel. "Yes, mam." Whimpered Stan...

…**..A couple days latter...**

Dipper admired his new room. There'd been trouble with a weird rug, but Phil quickly took care of it. He chuckled as he remembered Simmons having a meltdown over how illogical the whole thing was. After getting a small peck on the cheek from Wendy, he went to sleep.

…...

Mabel smiled in anticipation. "It's going to be like in the movies!" She exclaimed excitedly. "Any moment now Dipper's going to say "Good night Mabel!" Then he'll remember how much we mean to each other!

He'll walk back up here and say something cheesy yet heartfelt; like: "Hey, um. Do you want to have a sleepover?" Then we'll play golf. Stan gets hurt again somehow. We'll laugh! Fade to black! And all will be forgiven!"

She quickly got in her bed and practiced looking surprised when dipper came back...

…**...3 hours latter...**

Dipper slept soundly without a care in the world. This was the best sleep he'd had in weeks!

…...

Mabel, still wide awake in her bed. Stared up at the ceiling uncomprehending.

"Dipper?" She squeaked more to herself then anyone else. Then burst into tears.

…...

Phil watched helplessly as his daughter wept on the monitor. He said nothing. Neither did the team. What more could be said?

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**WOW! I was on fire this weekend! So next week. SUMMERWEEN! It all comes to a head(sorta)**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**You ever dance with a review in the pale moonlight?**


	18. Chapter 18

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 18

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Phil didn't know what to do! Things were really falling apart between Mabel and Dipper! Especially after this latest fiasco! Stan and Mabel made a bet about who could be a better Boss. Mabel had been left in charge of the shack.

Dipper however being tired of all the recent calamities and being savvy enough to see this as the calamity in the making that it was...Washes his hands of the whole thing and stays at Wendy's place for the duration of the bet...Wendy dose the same.

Mabel enraged, tries to prove dipper wrong! She steals his journal and uses it to capture a Gremoblin...This ends about as well as you'd expect. Thankfully, Stan lost the game show he was on so they called it a draw.

But Mabel was furious! She blames Dipper for the whole fiasco! She insists they would have won if they'd worked together like they always do!...Which had led to some very "interesting" arguments.

**...FLASH BACK... **

-You were with Wendy again weren't you!? Snapped an enraged Mabel. Dipper looked at Mabel bewildered. "Uh...yeah? We had to spend all night fixing the go-carts after our last "race" so-"

"A likely story! I think you just don't want to see me!" Exclaimed a tearfully Mabel. Dipper looked at her confused. "I...Wait...What?"

Mabel took a deep breath. "Let me ask you one thing...Is Wendy...Better than me?" Dipper, understandably not having any idea what the hell was going on or what she was talking about... "I...I..Don't know?" He guessed honestly confused. Grunkle Stan (pretending to be reading nearby) winces. _Oh, bad move kid. _Sure enough-

**SLAP!**

"Fine! I hope you and your little hussy are very happy together!" Shouted Mabel as she ran from the room in tears-

**SLAM!**

Mabel ran right into Wendy. Wendy, seeing Mabel crying is immediately concerned. "Mabel what's wrong? Can I help?" Mabel glares daggers. "You...Like you haven't done enough you little home wrecker!"

She pushes her away and runs off but not before adding: "Oh, and FYI! I'm not at all impressed by the two giant lumps of fat and milk you have on your chest! So you regularly contribute to the chiropractic economy! Whoop-De-Freaking-Do!"

Both dipper and Wendy just stared in flustered confusion. "What...What the heck just happened here?" Asked a confused Dipper as he rubs the now very sore spot on his face. "Yeah...That just...I just don't know how to describe that..." Stated a bewildered Wendy.

Stan nods solemnly. "Yeah, I imagine that comes with the territory of being "The Other Woman." He says while walking out of the room. Both frowned for a second then double-taked. "Wait, What!?" Shouted both of the increasingly confused kids.

…...

The phrase "Cocktails in Appalachia" disturbingly came to mind here...

"What am I supposed to do?" He asked Sky. Sky gave him a pitying look.

"Your not gonna wanna hear this sir...But there's not much you can do. Dipper's growing, he's becoming independent, stepping out of the identity of "Just being a twin"...And apparently adjusting well to it!...He sister not so much. I'm sorry sir but aside from being there for them, supporting them...There's really nothing you can do. They have to work this out themselves."

Phil groaned. The sad fact was that at the moment he couldn't even be there for them. The war against the Clairvoyant and Centipede had escalated...He couldn't risk dragging this fight back to Gravity Falls...That place was messed up enough as is!

…...

Mabel was ecstatic! It was Summerween! This was perfect! There's no way Dipper would remain mad her during their favorite holiday! She'd already made both of their costumes. And best of all Wendy wouldn't be here! It would just be her and Dipper-

Uh, Mabel why are you stuffing your chest with all that paddin- "My chest is cold, Okay!" Snapped and irritable Mabel at a sufficiently cowed Candy. Mabel sighed. She was already starting to regret inviting Candy and Grenda...Maybe she could ditch them later so her and Dipper can have some alone time...Speak of the Devil, there he is!

"Dipper! She shouted excitedly. I have your costume right here, the instant you get dressed. We can go!" Dipper frowned. "Wha- Oh, sorry Mabel. I don't feel up for it. I think I'm just going to stay home." You could hear a pin drop.

Then Mabel burst out laughing . "Ha! Ha! Good one dipper! She exclaimed sincerely. You, Dipper Pines. The ultimate King of Halloween to my Queen...Not up for Halloween? Yeah, Right!" She said with a genuine smile. Nothing like a good joke between siblings to lighten the mood! She thought to herself happily.

"Hey Dipper!" Shouted Wendy as she walked into the room. "Which movie do you want to watch first? Personally, I'd like-"

**WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE!? **

Shouted Mabel with such fury, everyone fell over. She pointed an accusing finger at Wendy. "Your supposed to be at Tambry's party tonight!" Wendy looked at her confused.

"Uh...how'd you know that? Tambry sprung it on us at the last minute this morning." Mabel paled. "Uh..." Memories flowed through her head of her rummaging through Wendy's back pack, stealing her phone, threatening Soos to hack it...

"Don't change the subject!" Snapped Mabel. She turned to Dipper. "Why is she here!?" She demanded. Dipper as disoriented as Wendy was by the sudden shift in mood complied and began to explain...

**...FLASHBACK...**

Dipper opened the door and was excited to see Wendy. "Wendy, good to see you!" Wendy smiled. "Good to see you too. Hey, Tambry's having a Summerween party! Want to come with me?"

Dipper sighed. "Wow, you have no idea how much I want to say yes...But I think I'm just going to stay home." "Huh? Why not?" Asked a surprised and a little hurt Wendy having been expecting a resounding yes.

Dipper shrugged. "Call me paranoid. But it's just been one horror trope come to life after another since I got to this town." He then starts ticking them off his fingers.

"Creatures kidnapping young maidens, lake monsters, wax figurines coming to life, crazy child psychics, haunted house...And now it's Halloween? The fact there's a "supposedly bogus local legend" cinches it. Knowing my luck, I'd be this "Summerween Tricksters" first victim!

Wendy contemplated this. "Huh, your right...I never thought of it like that"... She then turns around and walks from the door still deep in thought. Dipper shrugs to himself, closes the door, walks away-

**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!**

Dipper runs back toward the door and the frantic knocking. She opens it to reveal a deathly pale Wendy. Wendy! What's wrong? Asks a concerned Dipper. Wendy panted.

"I was thinking about what you said...And I suddenly felt very self-conscious of the fact that I'm a teenage girl walking through the deep, dark, monster infested woods alone...On Halloween no less!...I'm really regretting watching all those Slasher movies."

Dipper groaned. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to freak you out-" Wendy waved it off. "It's fine...Really...I just...Can I stare here for the night?"...

…...

The room went down several degree's. Mabel's fingernails drew blood from her own palms. After an eternity she spoke: "You know what?...Fine! While you two scaredy cats are busy wasting a perfectly good Summerween indoors. Me and my friends are going to have the best Summerween ever! And it's going to be awesome!" Shouted Mabel as she walked out a door.

**SLAM!**

There was an awkward pause. Then Dipper spoke up: "Uh, Mabel? That's the closet-"

I'M GETTING PEACHES! Snapped an irritable Mabel who was trying very hard not to cry.

…...

The Summerween Trickster looked on the shack in disbelief. Never in all his years had he sensed a greater lack of Summerween spirit. The unholy abomination smirked. Tonight, it would feast like a king!

**CHOMP!**

The strange entity that had just devoured the Trickster in one gulp appraises the shack with interest...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: There's always a Bigger Fish...**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**YOU SHALL NOT PASS!...unless you want to review**


	19. Chapter 19

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 19

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Grenda and Candy panted...It hadn't been easy but they'd evaded the cops...again.

Meanwhile, Mabel groused. "Stupid Susan..."Where's the peanut butter to my Jelly?" What a stupid question! Honestly, I've never even liked peanut butter! I think Jelly would do better on it's own, really!Besides, it's not jellies fault that peanut butter is too stupid to see how wonderful and cute she is! If he wants to hang with some big-breasted bimbo peach, then whatever! Jelly is fine going solo! Furthermore-"

Candy and Grenda groaned as Mabel ranted. She'd been attacking everyone that asked about "peanut Butter"...Which had pretty much meant anyone who'd tried to give them candy...they'd spent half the night running from the cops and angry people! And they hadn't even gotten any candy!

Grenda and Candy silently came to an unspoken agreement. Soon, they were gone. Mabel, still ranting; didn't even notice. She walked sullenly down the street kicking a can.

"Stupid dipper! Stupid Wendy! Stupid Halloween! Stupid "Horror Topes". BAH! There's more to life then your stupid fantasies Dipper! This is real life! Stuff like that doesn't happen in real life you stupid, paranoid jerk!"

It's then she spots a dark alley. Oh, look a dark alley! Says Mabel in enraged mockery. It's a dark alley on Halloween night! So of course bad things will happen to me if I walk down it!-"

…...

Phil watched the monitor in trepidation. May!- "Way ahead of you!" Shouted May from the cockpit as she turn the bus toward gravity falls.

…...

Mabel walked down the dark alley. Well!? Shouted an angry Mabel. "Here I am! Where are yo Creeps and killers!? Am I not a little girl wandering a dark alley by herself during Halloween!? According to my oh so clever brother, that's supposed to be your dinner bell! HUH!? HUH!? HUH!? HUH!?" She screams in an accusatory way.

…...

"Okay, she's lost it." Said Ward flatly. Phil groaned. _And que us somehow losing picture- T_hought the Savvy agent as his prediction came true.

…...

-And of course what cliché wouldn't be complete without "tempting fate!?" screamed the increasingly erratic Mabel.

"WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG! I'M PERFECTLY SAFE! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS!-

…...

Even though the odds were good Mabel left her com-link at home. Phil still called it in the hope for once his savvy was wrong...It wasn't.

…...

"-And of course my leg needs to break for no reason!"

**CRACK!**

It took a couple seconds for the immense pain of her leg being deliberately self-smashed by a rock to restore her sanity...And senses.

GAAAHHHHHH! WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT!? Screamed Mabel. She then curled up in a troubled fetal position and sobbed. She then gave out a resigned sigh.

"Alright...It's pretty obvious that something really bad is about to happen to me." She says out loud. "But you know what!? That's fine! You know why!? Because Dipper will rescue me!"

…...

Dipper opens the fridge. "Hey Wendy, you want cherry or lime!? He shouts.

…...

"Because he loves me! He'd never abandon me!"

…...

"-The haunted Volcano? Seriously who comes up with this garbage?" Dipper asks Wendy as they watch movies.

…...

"Our love is so strong that he's probably sensed my trouble, ditched Wendy, and is riding out to save me now! Like he always dose!"

…...

Wendy and Dipper cheer as the microwave explodes the hot dog's-

…...

The insanity that left Mabel has now returned and then some. "You'll see! He still loves me! You'll all see!" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! She laughs manically.

The entity groans "You know your really taking the fun out of this." It says flatly as it throws sleep dust on the increasingly hysterical girl and puts her in it's sack...

…...

The first thing that Mabel noticed when waking up was she was chained to a wheel, the second was it was cold, and third she was naked. As Mabel desperately tried to make sense of this.

**(Ominous creepy music starts to play)**

Mabel paled...She knew that music. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a trio of bats screech one by one as their skeletons began to glow through their skins.

_No...It can't be. _Thought Mabel desperately as memories flew back to her about that night she watched that fateful movie all those years ago-

**SMACK!**

Mabel whimpered as an iron maiden spat out an all too familiar set of dice right into Mabel's face. She began to cry.

"No! Your not real! Your not real!" She screamed pleadingly...But it was in vain.

For he was standing before her now. The true source of her phobia for all things Claymation. The monster that had haunted her nightmares ever since she was a little girl. The one, the only-

**Well, well, well, what have we here?  
Mabel Pines, huh?  
Oh, I'm really scared  
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha**

Mabel promptly crapped and peed herself-

**You're jokin', you're jokin'  
I can't believe my eyes  
You're jokin' me, you gotta be  
This can't be the right girl  
She's weird, she's puny  
I don't know which is worse  
I might just split a seam now  
If I don't die laughing first **

Oogie promptly spins the roulette wheel Mabel was strapped to-

**When Mr. Oogie Boogie says  
There's trouble close at hand  
You'd better pay attention now-**

-Okay. Whimpered Mabel.

**-'Cause I'm the Boogie Man  
And if you aren't shakin'  
Then there's something very wrong  
'Cause this may be the last time now  
That you hear the boogie song, ohhh**

**Ohhh!**

Moaned the three bats

**Ohhh!**

Moaned Oogie

**Ohhh!**

Moaned seven skeletons

**Ohhh**

Moaned Oogie

**Ohhh, he's the Oogie Boogie Man!**

Oggie smiled as he gleefully began to randomly cough up hundreds of razor sharp cooking utensils. Mabel cries out as they fly at her...Only to all miraculously miss her by a hairs breadth-

**Thud!**

She looks down at the last one that nearly neutered her and begins to hyperventilate.

**Well if I'm feelin' antsy  
And there's nothin' much to do  
I might just cook a special batch  
Of snake and spider stew**

He sings as he tears out the knife that nearly castrated Mabel and uses it to chop screaming rats to put in the pot.

**And don't ya know the one thing  
That would make it work so nice?**

He then violently rips Mabel off the wheel and dangles her over the cauldron

**A scrawny Little Girl to add a little spice!**

Mabel screams as she was dropped- only to be immediately snatched up by a ghost and flung across the room

**Ohhh!**

Moaned the skeletons as they grabbed Mabel and gave her another toss.

**Oh, yeah!**

Sings Oogie as he brings out his dice-

**Ohhh**

Moans a bat as it snatches Mabel from mid-air before tossing her to another

**Ohhh!**

Continues Oogie

**Ohhh!**

Moans the bat that now has Mabel

**Oh, yeah, I'm the Oogie Boogie Man!**

Shouts Oogie as he tosses his dice-

**CRACK!**

Right into Mabel's nose which breaks, eliciting a cry of pain from Mabel. Which is the bats cue to drop her-

**SPLASH!**

-Right into the cauldron. Mabel screams in agony as the boiling water scalds her flesh. Adrenaline now fueling her actions she jumps out of the cauldron to make a run for it-

Only to be immediately snatched up by Oogie. Who then gestures to her. Mabel simply looked at him uncomprehendingly. Oogie gives out a dramatic sigh, he snaps his fingers-

**(record scratch, music stops)**

Oogie chuckles. He then turns to Mabel who he was still holding by the scruff of her neck. "My dear...that was your Que." Says Oogie in good humor.

"Now I know you know the song...You wouldn't want me to get mad, would you?" Asks Oogie nicely as his head splits open to reveal several dozen snakes hissing and snarling. Mabel, (the song long ago burned into her head) quickly tries to sing-

(whimper)R-release(sob) m-me(sniffle) n-now(sob)  
O-o-or(whimper) Y-you(sniffle) m-m-must(whimper) f-face t-t-the(sob) d-d-dire (sniffle)C-c-consequences(sob)  
T-t-the(whimper) c-c-children(sniffle) a-are(sob) e-expecting me(whimper)  
So **PLEASE!** Set me free!

Mabel pleaded that last part desperately.

Oogie chuckled. "Why, that's even better than the original."

He then snaps his fingers again.

**(music starts up once more)**

**You're jokin', you're jokin'**  
**I can't believe my ears**  
**Would someone shut this fella up**  
**I'm drownin' in my tears**  
**It's funny, I'm laughing**  
**You really are too much**  
**And now, with your permission**  
**I'm going to do my stuff**

What are you going to do? Whimpered mabel.

**I'm gonna do the best I can**

Oogie juggles his dice once more

**Oh, the sound of rollin' dice  
To me is music in the air.**

He then throws a dozen at Mabel. All of which causing her to cry out in pain. One actually gave her a black eye and chipped her tooth!

**'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man  
Although I don't play fair**

**It's much more fun, I must confess**  
**When lives are on the line.**

Sang Oogie as he gleefully strung her up

**Not mine, of course, but yours, old girl  
Now that'd be just fine**

Seeing him gesture at her, she quickly tried to remember this part of the song-

(whimper)R-Release(sob) m-me(sniffle) f-f-fast(whimper) o-o-or(sob) y-you(sniffle) w-will(whimper) h-have(sob) t-to(sniffle)  
A-answer(whimper) f-for(sniffle) t-this(sob) h-h-heinous(sniffle) act!  
**  
Oh, brother, you're something  
You put me in a spin  
You aren't comprehending  
The position that you're in  
It's hopeless, you're finished  
You haven't got a prayer  
'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie  
And you ain't going nowhere... **

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Is it safe to assume no one saw that coming?...Come on, you know you liked it!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**I must break you...Unless you give review...**


	20. Chapter 20

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 20

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Wendy woke up with a yawn on the couch. _Huh...Did I fall asleep?...Why do I feel so heavy- _She then turned bright red! Dipper was sleeping on top of her! Using her chest as a pillow!

Wendy looked at this in flustered bewilderment...Then she shrugged to herself. _Ah, frak it. I'm comfy and he's earned it- _With that she went back to sleep. A while later a smiling Stan puts a blanket over them...

…...

Ah, isn't that Adorable? Said Oogie dramatically as his cauldron showed Dipper and Wendy sleeping together.

"They really are a cute couple, aren't they?" Said oogie with glee. He then turns to the now broken hearted Mabel.

"You understand now, don't you my dear?" Said the monster as he circled her.

**He's not coming to rescue you.**

**Why would he?**

**He's found someone new.**

**Someone better.**

**He doesn't need you anymore**

**He doesn't want you.**

**But more importantly...**

Oogie leans in to whisper.

"He doesn't **Love** you...at all...He'll probably dance on your grave when he finds out...You do know this right?" Asked Oogie genuinely curious.

Mabel said nothing for a long time...Then:

"**Yes."**

…...

Phil was pretty sure he'd broken several laws...and amendments...And houses...But he finally found where Mabel was! He gave the signal and the rest of the team rushed into the abandoned warehouse with him.

Their eyes were beset by a familiar yet horrifying sight...after all who hadn't seen the "Nightmare before Christmas"?

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Phil and his motley crew." Said Oogie with a chuckle.

Phil couldn't believe his eyes. Sure he'd read the file on how Tim Burton used black magic to save money...And how Oogie went nuts, killed all the other characters and staff on set, and then escaped. But even for S.H.E.I.L.D. It had sounded nuts! Phil saw Mabel strapped to a table-

**BANG!**

May had already fired the standard issue Anti-Oogie gun! Oogie screamed as his sack was destroyed and he began to fall apart. Phil was about to run to Mabel-

**Psyche!**

He then had to dodge a giant wasp! He was then horrified to see Oogie still in a coherent form...Without a sack! Oogie looked amused(or at least Phil assumed..it was hard to read the menagerie of insects that made up the creatures face).

"Did you really think I'd keep that...Oh, what's the term kids use these days?...Ah, weaksauce weakness! Yes that's it!" He exclaimed as his bugs gathered the scraps of his sack while his spiders and silkworms repaired it.

Oogie sneers. "I've not been idle these last 20 years. I've watched the movie, played the games, read the fanfictions. And it's given me more than a few ideas." Suddenly, several dozen Shadow-Oogie's, skeletons, ghosts, giant spiders, and monster bats spawned!

"Of course it wasn't cheap." Admitted Oogie. "All these genetic and supernatural enhancements...But thanks to that pretty penny I was paid to mess with this girl-

"Wait, someone paid you to do this?!" Shouted Phil. Oops! Shouted Oogie in mock surprise. "Should I not have said that?

He chuckled. "Tell you what since I'm a sport. I'll give you a choice: get the Intel on my employer in that safe(He said as said safe dropped into a tank of sulfuric acid), Save the girl(he says as Mabel is dropped through a trapdoor into a room that can't have more then a couple minutes of oxygen), or catch me!" Shouted Oogie as he jumped 50ft through the air through a skylight.

Phil quickly sprung into action.

**BANG!**

Phil shot the tank in just the right way that the acid spill would killed a large portion of the goons and weaken the trapdoor that lead to Mabel. "May! Catch Oogie!" But May was already at it...

…...

Seeing that he was being followed. Oogie spat out a weird device that popped open and a giant monster mantis suddenly materialized.

Oogie smirked. _That ought to keep her occu-_

**BOOM!**

May nodded as the flame Bazooka did it's work. She then turned her attention to the mantis...

…...

While the rest of the team moped up the rest of the creatures, Phil smashed open the now weakened trapdoor and climbed into the room. He went to mabel to check her pulse...But it's a dummy! With a note!

**Sorry if Mabel was too much of a "stiff."**

**She'd taken Ill and couldn't play with me anymore.**

**But not to worry! I sent her to two old friends of her's to help her!**

**T-T-F-N!**

Phil groaned...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Wanna guess which fanfictions I got those Oogie ideas from?**

**Also, anyone want to guess where Mabel is?**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Everyone is now dumber for not flaming me, I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your souls.**


	21. Chapter 21

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 21

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper woke up from the best sleep he'd had in his life...And then immediately panicked and flustered! He was resting his head on Wendy's chest! And between her hugging him and the blanket, there was no way to get up without waking her!

Dippers mind raced frantically. How did he get out of this without Wendy thinking he was a total perv?

**SMASH!**

Dipper quickly had other things on his mind. Like not getting killed by whatever flipped the couch into the wall. Dipper struggled to his feet. With horror he saw that Wendy was bleeding from the head. He needed to get her medical attenti-

Suddenly, Dipper found himself hoisted in the air by the scruff of his neck. To his horror he found himself glaring at an older, bigger-breasted, tattooed, naked version of Mabel.

**YES! SOON SHE WILL DIE!**

**AND YOU WILL LOVE ME AGAIN!**

Mabel cackled as dark, twisted energy coursed through her body.

**SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY NEW FORM DIPPER?**

**WAY SEXIER THAN HER'S RIGHT?**

Dipper responded to that by vomiting.

Mabel looked hurt at this, then smirked.

**NO MATTER! YOU'LL LEARN TO LOVE IT SOON ENOUGH!**

Said Mabel as she began to tear off Dipper's clothes-

**ZAP!**

_You go to the bathroom for 5 minutes and everything goes to hell in a hand basket._

Thought John Garrett as he stared at the now unconscious girl. He called Phil.

"You were right to have me watch the place. I'm pretty sure I got the girl here. Were gonna need a medic for the other girl. A dark rune containment unit. And best bring down an exorcist squad or two." He then turned to the deathly pale Dipper.

"This probably won't matter to you now, messed up situation and everything. But the red-head totally knew you were sleeping on her and didn't care! She actually cuddled up to you more! Dipper looked at him incredulously.

Garrett held up his hands in submission. "Hey, just thought you'd want to know!"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Sorry, for the short chapter. Father's day, y'know?**

**Anyway, next time: A long overdue heart-to-heart between Mabel And Dipper. **

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Hug your dad's and grandad's everybody!**


	22. Chapter 22

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 22

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper was told that Mabel and Wendy were fine. Wendy had been slightly banged up but was fine. Mabel had to be exorcised of "dark totems" that apparently gave the user great power in exchange for willingly letting their darkest desires take control.

Mabel and Wendy were both in the same recovery room. Far as they knew Wendy was still asleep but Mabel was awake. Dipper thanked the medic and talked to Phil...

…...

Dipper walked into the room. He then locked the door. He briefly looked at the curtained-off bed where Wendy was asleep and was reassured by the sight of the silhouette of her chest steadily going up and down.

He then walked over to Mabel's bed. The instant Mabel saw him; she desperately tried to apologize-

But Dipper held out a hand to stop her. "Mabel let me talk first." Mabel was reluctant, but did so. Dipper dragged a chair over and sat in it. He took a deep breath and-

"Mabel, if I've learned nothing else from sitcoms(and he hadn't, who has?); it's that if those morons would stop being selfish and just talk to each other for one minute, then the whole idiotic problem would be solved in like 5 minutes!...I always laughed at that, and I always naturally assumed that I would never be that dumb...And yet here we are.

Dipper glared at her. "Mabel, your not blameless in this...Not even close."

Then Dippers face softened as remembered that "Home movie" that Oogie(May that incested bag of insects rot in hell a thousand years more) left behind that showed Mabel confessing she didn't believe he loved her anymore.

"But neither am I." Dipper again steeled himself.

"But despite how bad things have gotten between us and despite what you believe; Your my sister, And I still love you. I have never stopped loving you. And if for even one second I made you think otherwise...I am truly sorry."

Dipper gestured to the door. "The doors locked, Phil's made sure no one's going to bother us. Were not leaving this room until we work this out. Now as much as I'd like to say we can solve all our problems...but we probably won't. Some problems(contrary to what TV will tell you) can't be solved under an hour...some probably can't ever be solved at all...But I am willing to try if you are."

Dipper gave her a hopeful bittersweet smile. "You up for it?"

Mabel, still in tears. Hugged him. After several minutes of silence, they began to have a long talk...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: just a heads up: A couple chapters from now I'm doing the "bottomless pit" episode. I'm not really interested in reusing the same stories from cannon; so if you have any story ideas, I'd be up to hearing them!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Ever notice how you come across somebody once in awhile that you shouldn't have reviewed with?...(spit) that's me...**


	23. Chapter 23

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 23

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-Hey come on buddy, it's me. If you can't trust me, then who can you trust?" Said Garret to Phil.

Phil sighed. "It's not a matter of trust. The reason why I come here...There are people who are more deserving of that truth. And before I even think of telling anyone else, I need to tell them." Seeing he wasn't going to get anymore, Garret dropped the subject...

…...

After many hours Dipper and Mabel had talked through many issues. A lot of them had been awkward, painful, and confusing...and many more would take much hard work to ride out...But they were off to a good start...And then they got to the proverbial elephant in the room...

Dipper steeled himself as he desperately tried to keep himself from vomiting as he contemplated the most important question that evening.

"Okay, I think we've tiptoed around this long enough...would you care to explain why your darkest desire... was raping me?"

Mabel first response was vomiting into the nearby trashcan. She groaned, but she continued. "It's not that I wanted to...But I sorta thought...You know...If I had bigger breasts and was willing to sleep with you...Maybe...Maybe-"

"-That I'd love you again?" Finished a horrified Dipper. Had things truly gotten so bad between them?

Dipper was completely flabbergasted by this. "Mabel, why on earth would you- Why would you ever think I'd want you to- Your my sister! I'd never want you to do that! Especially for me! Why would you ever think otherwise!?"

Mabel was really embarrassed. "Well...That's why you love Wendy more right? Bigger breasts and you want to sleep with her?"

Dipper flustered. "Mabel...I love you both equally."

Mabel sighed. "Dipper...I read your journal...There was this spell...It's purpose is to show the caster who held the most sway over another's heart...and it was Wendy, Dipper...You love Wendy the most...And it's not puppy love; the spell also shows how strong it is...you love her more than anything."

Dipper felt like the rug had been pulled out from under him. He was torn...Between anger that Mabel violated his privacy in such a way...But mostly shock from this revelation...he knew he liked her but...Actually now that he thought about it...now that he **really **thought about it...

"Your right." Admitted a blown away Dipper more to himself than anyone else.

Mabel sighed. "I thought so." Her thoughts went a verse she'd dug up in her mad search to figure out how to get Dipper to love her again. _For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.._...She had no idea what the floop that meant...But for some reason it always made her feel sad...Especially when she thought about Dipper and Wendy...

Then another truth made itself known to Dipper. "But your wrong about why."

Before Mabel could even respond, Dipper rolled with it. As if afraid that if he didn't say what was on his mind now it'd be lost forever.

-"I like her sense of humor, it's snarky but it can also be warm and forgiving...Sort of a bitter sweet kind of thing, I guess...But in a good way!"

-"I like her laugh. This might just be me, but to me when she laughs...She just...She puts her whole body into it, you know? And it's obvious she's not even trying to do that! She's just a natural!"

-"She's loyal, honest, always there for a friend. She doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day...Although when I say it out loud that last bit may not necessarily be a good thing. Her family is such a handful that she represses her frustration...that really can't be healthy. But regardless, she has character!"

-..."I guess...Her smell? I know that sounds perverted...But far as my senses are concerned...it just...It makes her feel like home to me...make of that what you will."

-"And the way she walks around...It's like she dosen't care how she looks, or what she projects. Now I don't think it's necessarily because she dosen't care...I don't know...She's just not affected I guess...but that gives her grace...At least far as I'm concerned"...

-"Just to be clear; the whole "the dawn brings the promise of a new day" has always sounded like schmaltzy garbage to me...But that red hair of her's...It's not so much it makes me believe that...so much as it makes me _want _to believe it...I know that makes no sense...but it is what it is"...

After all that Dipper collapsed on the chair exhausted. Mabel looked at him...she didn't know what to say...So she fell back to her usual Mabelisms.

"But the breasts and sex don't hurt either, right?" she teased.

Dipper chuckled. "Hey, she's gorgeous. I'm not going to feel ashamed about that."

Mabel playfully smacked him on the head calling him a perv. Dipper retaliated with a pillow and Mabel responded in kind.

And so for the first time in weeks, the twins had fun together...

-Meanwhile, Wendy who'd woken up a couple hours ago...didn't know what to think about what she'd just heard...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: just a heads up: A couple chapters from now I'm doing the "bottomless pit" episode. I'm not really interested in reusing the same stories from cannon; so if you have any story ideas, I'd be up to hearing them!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**A new writer named "The Howling Behemoth**" **Has a great story called "Nowhere" that...Well she practically promised an naked Dipper so that'll be worth a laugh. Seriously though it's good, read it**

**You will always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain "Please Review!"**


	24. Chapter 24

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 24

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

The next week was hectic. Even though Oogie appeared to have been destroyed; SHEILD had a strict NBND(no body no death) policy.

As such Phil installed a state of the art security system into the mystery shack, as well as Wendy and Soos's house just to be safe.

Dipper and Mabel were working out the problems between each other. It was a rocky start, but they were doing fine!

Eventually of course Phil had to leave(The intel gained from Oogie's file was leading to a massive crackdown and Phil was going to lead it), the day before the hottest day of summer no less...

….Presently...

Dipper Pines was really looking forward to going to the pool! It was so hot! People were actually spontaneously combusting(A brief memory of Fitz ranting of the impossibility of it all after Mabel sent pictures of it; puts a smile on Dipper's face.)!

It was then Dipper paused. He'd just taken off his shirt when he saw himself in the mirror. Now Dipper wasn't a vain person...but he almost became one that instant.

The scrawny, frightened boy that came to the (supposedly) quiet, little town...was almost nowhere to be seen.

He'd grown a couple inches, and there was some signs of a developing six-pack.

Dipper chuckled. _Huh, looks like all that running from monsters and fighting has really paid off! _Thought dipper happily.

Then another thought occurred to him. _Hey maybe this means- _He thought to himself hopefully as he looked down his pants- Only to immediately have that hope squashed.

Dipper sighed miserablly. _Nope, still scrawny, pasty white, hairless, and way bellow average...in fact it seems to have actually gotten smaller...terrific, just terrific..._

And with that happy thought Dipper went off...

…...

"-Why would a sun need to wear glasses?" Asked Dipper. "It's best not to think about it." Replied Soos.

**SPLASH!**

Gah! Cried out Stan as he's hit by a water balloon. Wendy laughs. "Sorry, Mr. Pines. Couldn't resist."

She then turns to Dipper. "Hey Dipper how are-" She trails off when she see's Mabel is there. "Oh...hey Mabel." She says awkwardly. "Hey...Wendy." Says Mabel equally uncomfortable.

Sensing the atmosphere, Soos and Stan make a hasty retreat.

Ever since the...unpleasantness...Wendy hadn't really seen Dipper. Dipper felt it best that he spent more time with Mabel and Wendy respected and agreed to it(it didn't hurt that this helped give her time to process what she'd overheard Dipper confess).

Dipper sighed. "It was nice to see you Wendy...I guess we'll be on the other side of the pool-"

Mabel groans. No...Look it's fine...If you want to hang with Wendy. Go ahead."

Dipper and Wendy looked at her amazed. "Really?" Asked Dipper.

Mabel reluctantly nodded. "Yeah...it really was cool of Wendy to leave you with me for a week...But really this just isn't fair to either of you; you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me-"

"And you'd be okay with this?" Asked Dipper cautiously.

Mabel sighed. "No...But it's fine really. I just- I just need to get over this...the sooner the better."

Wendy nods. "Thanks Mabel...I...I really appreciate this."

Mabel sighs again. "Yeah..." Says Mabel halfheartedly.

Suddenly, Wendy remembered something. "You know. I hear there's a "Mysterious Loner" that never leaves the pool-"

**EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

Squealed Mabel in delight as she trampled over everyone to get to said loner.

Dipper chuckled. _There's the Mabel I know and love. _Thought a relieved Dipper as he and Wendy went to have fun.

Wendy briefly floated the notion of him becoming a lifeguard like her, but Dipper shot it down.

"It's great that Mabel let this happen...but we probably shouldn't push our luck." Wendy was a little disappointed, but she agreed...

…...

Mabel was having a great time! Not only was Mermando a dreamboat but he was a mermaid Dreamboat!...Still every so often she couldn't help but look over and see Dipper and Wendy having a good time...And feel sad.

She knew this was irrational. Dipper had made some very good points during "Their Big Talk." Like: _Mabel you do realize the same thing would happen if you ever found your "dream guy". Really, what did you expect to happen? I'd go with you while the two of you had a date? Your wedding? Your honeymoon? Or whenever you two wanted "alone time"?_

To be honest she hadn't thought of that...Still once more that verse she dug up came to mind, this was going to drive her nuts until she figured out what it meant.

She turned to Meremando. "Hey, Meremando. Have you ever heard the phrase: _For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?"_

Meremando went into deep thought. "I believe it's meaning might be similar to the phrase: _Who would though prefer to swim with? Those that spawned thy self? Or those with which though shalt spawn another? _What it boils down to is: Who are you more loyal to? The family you came from?(mother, father, sibling) Or the family you make with another?(wife and child)

Mabel looked at him perplexed. "Couldn't...couldn't you just love both?"

Mermando shrugged. "Ideally, yes...but it dose pose an interesting question: under extreme circumstances...Who would you choose?"

Mabel didn't know what to say. I-

**BOOM!**

She turned and saw the gate explode. Suddenly the pool area was filled with pirates!

Mermando gasped. "It's Captain Ahab! Most feared Mermaid hunter of the 7 seas!"

Said captain and his pet poisonous snake (that squawked happily on his shoulder) ordered his men to tear the place apart searching that blasted mermaid.

**NO RUNNING IN THE POOL! **

Screamed Mr. Poolcheck as he bashed some poor fools head in. Dipper and Wendy also ran to evacuate people and fight off the pirates. While doing this, dipper is oblivious that a loose nail has snagged his trunks-

**SNAP!**

Gah! Cried out the hurt(but grateful) Dipper as he rubbed the area where his still intact trunks had snapped back onto his flesh.

_These, extra-strength trunks might have been expensive, but they were worth every dime! _Thought a relieved Dipper as he and Wendy started to fight the pirates.

Back-to-back, armed with only pool skimmers they beat back the hoard. A pirate with hooks for hands and a head leaped out of nowhere and slashed Dippers trunks.

Wendy was shocked to see his trunks fall away to see- Another pair of trunks?

Wendy gives Dipper a confused look.

"What?" Asked Dipper. "I've seen a lot of comedies and I prepare for the worst-"

**RIP!**

Dipper looked down as a random giant crab claw popped out of a random nearby grate to rip his trunks off; revealing yet another pair of trunks.

Dipper smiled. And "I'm pretty sure that paranoia is working out well for me." Says a now vindicated Dipper.

Wendy flusters. "Okay...Wow, suddenly I'm very self-conscious about being an attractive female wearing only one layer of clothes during a fight at a pool...Why on earth did I watch all that anime?!" Shouted Wendy with a groan.

For a breath moment Dipper had a hormonal (and self-destructive) scheme pop into his head. He quickly snuffs it out as he takes off and hands two other layers of trunks(while wearing another) to Wendy.

Wendy nods appreciatively as she puts on one over her still covered bottom and the other she wraps around her still covered top.

Meanwhile, all the male residents of the pool felt let-down for some reason...and more eager to beat up Dipper(both pirates and non-pirates).

Anyway, eventually Poolcheck ran the lot of them out of town while Dipper and Wendy stayed behind to clean up. Mabel and Tambry help out.

Tambry was excited that she'd recorded the whole fight and posted it on her blog. Mabel was thanking Dipper and Wendy for protecting Mermando. Dipper cleaned wreckage while thinking of a way to help Mermando. And-

**CHOMP!**

Everyone looked at Dipper in horror. Dipper also looked down in shocked disbelief as the Captains poisonous snake bit down on his crotch.

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Cried a panicky Dipper as he jumped backward in fright.

**Thump**

Naturally he immediately trips, hits his head on the pavement, and goes unconscious.

Quickly, Wendy takes off the snake and crushes it's head with her heel. While Tambry calls for an ambulance.

Unfortunately, the hospital was backed up so it would take awhile. Fortunately, Wendy recognized the snakes species. And remembered that they could quickly save Dipper...Provided they sucked the poison out.

All the girls(except Mabel who turned green) turned scarlet as they watched the venom ozze from the holes in Dippers trunks...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: just a heads up: A couple chapters from now I'm doing the "bottomless pit" episode. I'm not really interested in reusing the same stories from cannon; so if you have any story ideas, I'd be up to hearing them!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Hey MA! The Meatloaf! We want it now! The reviews!**


	25. Chapter 25

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 25

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Wendy, immediately swallowed her embarrassment and revulsion and sprung to action.

Focusing on an image of Dipper dying horribly just because she was too much of a wuss to save him was all the motivation she needed.

Quickly she pulled down his trunks...and then another pair of trunks. On the next one however-

"Wha- did he seriously glue the waistband to his flesh!?" Shouted Wendy incredulously.

A panicky Mabel remembered that Dipper mentioned that he made this "glue" from a recipe in the Journal. Which can only be unmade with another chemical that Dipper keeps in his backpack.

She'd barely finished explaining before Wendy was running to his backpack. Soon the chemical was gone and so was the trunks- revealing a loincloth.

Fighting back the urge to smack him in the nuts out of irritation; Wendy re-focused on the image of Dipper dying, broken, and killed. And tore it off-

"Wait, there's no bite marks here!" Shouted Mabel first and foremost.

And the other girls realized that she was right. Dipper was obviously fine...And it was even more obvious why...

As their adrenaline crashed, and they really took events in...as well as their "surroundings"...

Tambry was the first to start laughing...Wendy tried to get her to stop...But she was too busy trying to keep herself from laughing.

Disgust at seeing her brothers genitals kept Mabel at bay for awhile...But eventually she too started to laugh...

"(snort)come on guys(giggle) Let's be-(chuckle) Let's be mature-(cackle) It's not funny!" Gasped out Wendy in between her laughing. She just couldn't keep it down!

Tambry continued to laugh. "Not Funny?!" She shouted incredulously. "Wendy, we have a guy here who literally owes his life to being so...small! That's like the definition of funny!"

"No(snort) It's not!(giggle) Come on guys!"

Mabel couldn't help but get on the bandwagon herself. "You know, the last time I saw Dipper's junk...we were 2! And I don't think he's grown at all! If anything...I think he's shrunk!"

Tambry renewed her laughter. "Seriously? Oh, man...it's sad so very sad..." She says as her sides split.

"(snort)No.(giggle) Seriously, guys!(cackle) Don't do this!"

After several more jokes made at Dippers expense(While Wendy tried and failed to not laugh and get the others to stop). They heard someone cough behind them.

They looked and saw instantly that not only was Dipper gone...but Soos was there! And he looked pretty mad.

"I just wanted you jerks to know that I just saw Dipper run naked into the locker room bawling his eye's out...If your at all interested..."

All three girls paled...especially Wendy...

…...

"Come on Dipper! Come out! It's not that bad!" Insisted Wendy as she banged on the door, flinching every time she heard a sob.

"Not that bad!?" Snapped a tearful Dipper. "Waking up naked and being laughed at by your sister, your best friend, and her best friend isn't that bad!?"

Wendy winched. "Okay...So maybe it is that bad...But come on Dipper! Doesn't the fact I was willing to suck the venom out show how much I care about you both as a person and as a friend?"

"Uh, huh. And the part where you laugh at me along with them?"

Wendy sighed. "Yeah, okay. That's where I'm a douche." She admitted honestly.

Dipper sighed. "Look Wendy...For what it's worth I'm not as mad at you as I am the others...I heard you defending me...it was very inept attempt hampered by your constant laughing...but still you tried."

Hope went back into Wendy's chest-

"-But you still laughed at me."

-which was then quickly squashed.

"It was just really humiliating!" Shouted Dipper. "I don't think I have to tell you how sensitive a subject "That" is for guys! You really- You really made me feel like a loser-"

"Dipper your not a loser!" Interrupted Wendy, she then starts to list all the amazing things that he's done that summer, as well as all the times he'd saved her-

Dipper sighed. "That's not the point! It doesn't matter if I'm a loser or not...The point is you made me feel like one! You- you really hurt me Wendy-"

Guilt wracked every part of Wendy's body.

"Dipper...Just tell me what I have to do! Name it, and I'll do it!"

Dipper just kept sulking. "I- I don't think there's anything you can do...J-just leave me alone."

Despondent, Wendy slowly walked away. She then bumped into Stan, who also looks angry.

Wendy sighed. "Yes, okay?! I messed up big time! But unless you have an idea how I can fix this, I don't want to hear it!"

Stan chuckled. "Oh, I have a way to fix it young lady."

Wendy turned deathly pale. _Oh, I have a bad feeling about this..._

…...

A little latter Dipper was still sulking. Suddenly, Dipper heard the door open-

Irritated, he whirled around. "Wendy! I thought I said-" The words died in his mouth.

Wendy sighed. "Dipper, I really do feel bad about earlier...But if I did this for nothing...I will have to hurt you." Said the very flustered, very naked Wendy.

Dipper said nothing...his mind had completely locked down...

…...

Needless to say Dipper and Wendy patched things up very quickly. Tambry felt bad too, so she "made it up to him" too(much to his delight and Wendy's annoyance.).

Mabel then tried to do the same. Which lead to a queasy Dipper agreeing to forgive her...provided she put her clothes on immediately.

The pool was so badly damaged that Poolcheck had to let Wendy go to save money. But thankfully they were still able to help Mermando go home.

And as another day in gravity falls ended, the people of the quaint town did sleep...Oblivious to the many eyes that watched it from the shadows...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: just a heads up: A couple chapters from now I'm doing the "bottomless pit" episode. I'm not really interested in reusing the same stories from cannon; so if you have any story ideas, I'd be up to hearing them!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**We don't pay mooks! A mook? I'm a mook? Yeah. What's a review?**


	26. Chapter 26

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 26

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**ATTENTION! THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE BOTTOMLESS PIT EPISODE!**

**THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SUBMIT A SHORT STORY FOR ME TO USE!**

**JUST TO CLARIFY: DIPPER, MABEL, SOOS, WENDY(Not Stan) ARE TRAPPED IN THE PIT AND TRY TO TELL STORIES TO PASS THE TIME!**

**PUT THE STORY SUGGESTIONS IN THE REVIEWS OR PM!**

**OKAY, ENJOY THE CHAPTER!**

…...

Wendy felt like an idiot! Why had she allowed that lying jerk back into her life!?

She should have just kicked Robbie out the instant he showed his sorry face!

But no! Like the idiot she was, she tried to be civil and ended up being brainwashed!

She stormed from his car angrily. Why did this keep happening to-

It was at that moment that her ears(greatly enhanced by years of picking up opportunities to slack) picked up-

"Whoa, Dipper!" Shouted Phil as he held the boy back. "Are you going after Wendy to invite her to go bowling or something?"

Dipper looked at him amazed. "Yeah, wow. How'd you know?"

Phil sighed. "Because I made that exact same mistake when I was your age."

"Mistake?"

Phil shook his head. "Dipper, contrary to what they show on TV.; going to a girl on the "rebound" is a terrible idea!"

Dipper looked taken back. "What? No! Of course it's a bad idea! If it was any other girl I'd totally agree with you! But this is Wendy! Come on! You know Wendy! She's tough as nails and cool as a cucumber! There's no way Robbie could ever get under her skin!-"

"Yeah, that's not true-" Confessed a conflicted and irritated Wendy.

"GAH! Wendy!" Shouted Dipper in surprise.

Phil face palmed. "Is it safe to assume you heard all that?" Wendy nodded. Then without missing a beat she turned to Dipper.

"Were you seriously going to ask me to go bowling after I just broke up with someone?"

Dipper started to panic. "Well- I- That is- Wait, so your still angry over Robbie?"

**YES!**

Shouted the usually laid-back teen. Dipper felt horrified and ashamed. He honestly didn't know what to say.

Meanwhile, Wendy while glaring at Dipper...Also didn't know what to say.

In another universe, in a similar scenario; she'd be furious with him!

But here; after hearing his reasoning for why...she was really more conflicted than anything else...it didn't hurt that she still felt a little guilty about the events that took place at the pool.

Also, in the other universe they didn't have Phil-

"Right, okay. If I can climb aboard this train wreck for a second." said Phil suddenly.

He rapidly turns to Dipper. "Dipper I know your worried that if you say something it'll make things worse. But your over thinking this! Just apologize, offer her a ride home, and just be a gentleman or at least compassionate like you always are!"

Just as quickly he turned to Wendy. "Wendy you heard him, his reasons were more misguided than selfish really. And only because he has such a high opinion of you! You can't tell me you don't find that a little flattering?"

Wendy sighed. "I guess."

"And besides, you know Dipper. Would he ever intentionally hurt you?"

"Of course not!" Admitted Wendy.

There was an awkward silence. "Dipper! The apology?" Shouted Phil suddenly.

"Wha- Oh, right! I'm Wendy sorry! Trip to town! I mean-" Wendy giggled.

"Dipper! Breathe!" Insisted Phil, while trying to keep from smiling(his son was tongue tied over his first crush! There was something just so adorable about that!).

Dipper groaned. "I'm sorry...Wow, I'm really bad at this."

"Yeah, you really are." Teased Wendy. Most of her anger now fading.

"Yeah, that kind of comes with being a guy...you get better though...or at least good enough that your teeth don't get knocked out quite as often."

"What?" Asked Wendy and Dipper inquisitively.

Phil chuckled as he put his hands on both their shoulders. "Ah, the stories I could tell you kids-"

And so he took them away to Stan's car...While Robbie got a "Talk" with May.

When they got home, the rest of the team were finished relocating "Several Timez" to a clone Rehab clinic...as well as sending the several dozen agents that Mabel violently maimed in a blind rage to the hospital.

While they were calming down Mabel. Wendy snuck away, grabbed the journal, and locked herself in the bathroom. She flipped through it until she found the spell Mabel mentioned.

She took a deep breath...Then cast it on herself...

…...

"It's not fair!" Snapped Mabel! "I liked "Several Timez" before they were cool! And they just take them away!" Says Mabel to a new friend she made a couple days ago.

"Oh, don't worry my dear. Haven't you ever heard the saying, "If you love something set it free?'"

Mabel sighed. "Maybe...well, anyway thanks for listening. Your such a good friend."

"Anytime my dear." Said Raina. "Anytime"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**And that's my personal opinion Deconstruction of Dipper's actions during "Boyz Crazy." It always seemed more naively misguided than selfish. I was also completely caught off guard when the usually laid back Wendy didn't blow off the whole thing with a smile and go to have fun with Dipper.(but maybe it's just me, what do you guys think?)**

**AN: just a heads up: A couple chapters from now I'm doing the "bottomless pit" episode. I'm not really interested in reusing the same stories from cannon; so if you have any story ideas, I'd be up to hearing them!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Remember, Remember the 5****th**** of Review**


	27. Chapter 27

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 27

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-We're somewhere where it looks like we're nowhere." Said Mabel flatly.

Dipper sighed as he looked over at everyone falling in the hole. Which were he, Mabel, Soos, and Wendy(originally Stan was coming, but something came up at the last minute so he sent Wendy instead).

He paused as he looked at Wendy...he didn't know why...but she'd been distant lately...was it because of what he'd been about to do after she broke up with Robbie? He thought they'd gotten over that! What had he done wrong? What-

"-Hey, maybe we should pass the time by telling stories." Said Soos suddenly.

"Yeah! Story!" Shouted Mabel excitedly. "Me first!" Everyone else shrugged.

Mabel rubbed her hands excitedly. "Okay, once upon a time-"

**CRACK!**

Before the groups eyes a crack in time and space appears sucking them in!

…...

**THUD!**

The group groaned as they fell flat on their faces. Dipper peels himself off the ground.

"Okay...Who's not dead?" Asks a dazed Dipper. Everyone moans a confirmation as they too helped themselves up.

And they were stunned with what they saw. They were on a tiny floating island surrounded by other flying rocks in a strange void.

"Where are we?" Asked a confused and disoriented Mabel.

"Uh...Guys? I think we have bigger problems." Says a now deathly pale Soos as he points in the opposite direction.

Everyone turns around and are instantly filled with a sense of wonder...and horror.

For several miles away nestled on a floating island is a massive futuristic metropolis!

It was filled with giant skyscrapers and flying cars...But that wasn't what was causing the feeling of horror.

No it was the fact that plastered on everywhere on the city was the unmistakeable logo of-

"Hydra." whispered a now very terrified Dipper...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Yes, the whole "send me a story" thing was naught but an elaborate ruse to throw this Wham episode at you while you were off guard(That and nobody sent me any stories).**

**And Yes, you may flame me now...**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**


	28. Chapter 28

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 28

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

As Dipper looked through the special binoculars Phil gave him...he was amazed.

It wasn't just the one city, farther off in the distance he could spot dozens more.

The city itself was a surprisingly normal city(minor fascist conformity, flying cars, robots, Tesla coils, genetically engineered beasts of burden, high-tech Hydra troops aside); there seemed to be a civilian population and all sorts of diverse corporate ventures(arcades, pools, fitness centers, restaurants, etc).

Soos was particular giddy over the robots. "Oh man, this would be so cool if they weren't probably going to kill us!"

Dipper couldn't help but agree with that. For the robot types were largely stuff he'd seen in the Star war movies! Super battle droids(no regular battle droids though), Commando droids, Tactical droids(both regular and super), Assassin droids, and even the dreaded Droideka! Worse still, unlike the movies these Droideka seemed to have been upgraded with the ability to keep their shield on even while rolling!

While Dipper continued to watch the city Mabel looked on the whole situation with confusion. "Wait, so Hydra is...What exactly?"

Dipper suppressed a sigh as he turned to her. "HYDRA was a mad-scientist cult that was somewhat apart of the third Reich during WWII that-"

"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down! WWII...what is that?"

Everyone stared at her in dumbfounded disbelief. Dipper face-palmed.

"Mabel if we get home; I don't care if I have to nail you to the floor. But your reading a history book!"

"I'll help!" Asserted Wendy.

"I...won't help...But I won't stop them either...Mabel even I know what WWII is...And I'm Soos!...That just sad Mabel...Just really, really sad."

Mabel went to sweaterland to sulk.

At that moment an announcement came over the intercom in the city.

**This is commander Deathshead speaking! I am lukewarm to announce that after 50 long years the gravity falls forest has finally been 10% explored...Right...Well, anyway, HEIL HYDRA!**

_Only 10%? How? Why- No, I'll think on that latter- _Thought Dipper as he turned to the rest of the group.

"Okay, guys. I've been checking out the delivery rockets as they enter the city, and I think we can sneak into it-"

"Whoa, hold on Dipper. Your not actually suggesting we go into that city are you?" Asked Wendy incredulously.

Dipper gives her a weird look. "Well, yeah." says Dipper as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "We'll need to gather Intel for Phil."

"Uh, Dipper buddy...I'm as big a fan of the "one man army" video game genre as the next game enthusiast...But I'm pretty sure that that wouldn't work out in real life." Says an apprehensive Soos.

"Yeah, Dipper. I know we've done some amazing things over the summer...but 4 kids vs. A city full of Super Nazi's? That's not an adventure, that's suicide!" Exclaims Wendy.

Dipper frowns...but realizes they're right. Also he remembers what Phil taught him:

**-A good agent gets what he can,  
then gets out before he's killed. **

Dipper turned to them and nodded. He looked up and sees the tear in space they fell through is still there. He then turns to Mabel. "Hey, do you still have your grappling-"

**-Click**

"-Right, stupid question."

…...One long trip back to the Shack Later...

"-This dosen't make any sense! We should have gotten through to Phil by now!" Shouts an irritated Dipper as he shakes his com-link.

"Maybe he's out of range?" Suggested Wendy.

Dipper shakes his head. "There is no out of range with this! Under the sea, outer space, center of the earth; I've called him while he was in all these places!"

He turns to Soos. "Do you think you can boost the signal?"

Soos takes the device solemnly. "I've waited my whole life for someone to ask that."

Said Soos much to the others confusion.

While he started working on it Dipper turned to look at Wendy. Quickly, he pulled out the napkin that Phil had written instructions on what to do in this situation:

**Step 1: Think of what you want to say. Step 2: Say it. **

Dipper nods at this and while keeping the mental image of an army of Pseudo-Nazi's literally at his doorstep to muster his courage; he then approaches her.

"Okay Wendy I'm just going to come out and say this; what did I do wrong?"

Wendy looks at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"You've been avoiding me lately, so just tell what I did wrong and how I can fix it."

Wendy suddenly felt very guilty. "Oh, no! No! Dipper, you didn't do anything! I'm just dealing with a couple personal issues-" _That indirectly involve you. _She thinks quietly to herself. "Really, were good...Have I really been avoiding you that much?"

Dipper nodded. Wendy groaned. "Wow, Dipper. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like-"

"I got it! I got a signal!" Shouted Soos. Quickly promising to discuss this further latter they and Mabel rushed to Soos.

To their surprise instead of Phil, May came on the com.

"May! Get Phil! Something big just happened!"

May sighed. "I'm sorry...Phil's not here."

The bad feeling Dipper'd been getting since the com failed intensified.

"What happened? Is Phil okay?"

May couldn't look the poor boy in the eye. "He's been captured by Centipede..."

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Would you give me a hand with the bags? Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the review.**


	29. Chapter 29

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 29

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"-They're trapped inside the tree sap! That's how they survived for 65 million years! The summer heat must be melting them loose!" Shouted Dipper as he looked around to the rest of the group.

Stan immediately began to monologue about the potential for an amazing new attraction. Mabel was sulking about Waddles. Soos had gone ahead to make sure it was all clear. Mcgucket(who had somehow escaped from SHIELD)...was being Mcgucket.

And Wendy...was being awesome. She waved at him as she spray painted a mustache on the imprisoned T-rex. Dipper couldn't help but laugh at that.

The two of them had talked things out...sorta. They were hanging out like they used to...but there was still a kinda tension. She never explained what her "personal issues" she was dealing with, and he didn't press her on that...Still, they were still clearly causing her problems...he wished she'd tell him what it was, he wanted to help her-

GAAAHHHHHH! Screamed Soos as he ran back to them. "GUYS! GUYS! There's-"

Suddenly Soos's face became that of confusion. "Soos, what is it?" Asked Dipper.

"What's what?" "Why were you screaming and running just now?" "Was I?" "Yes!"

Soos just gave him a curious look. "Sorry man, I don't know what to tell you about that...but the way's clear." He says pointing forward. "Let's get moving!"

Everyone was about to step forward when Dipper holds them back. "Soos, show me your arm."

Soos looks at him confused. "What are you-" SOOS! YOUR ARM! NOW!

Startled, Soos brings up his arm; and pales at the sight of 3 marks on it that he knew hadn't been there before.

SILENCE! Shouted Dipper horrified.

Mabel whirls around confused. "But we didn't say any-"

"The same jerks that tortured you!?" Shouts a now frantic Wendy over Mabel.

Dipper nods as he quickly passes around Silence Inhibitor eye patches.

Soos becomes even paler as his memories return. "Silence! There were three of them! Maybe more!"

Dipper quickly pulls out a gun. "Right, were out of here!"

"But what about Waddles!?" Shouted Mable.

"Mable! Silence are mercenaries! These were probably hired by the same guy who sent the other silence after me, and Oogie after you! For all we know, they could've sent that pterodactyl to snatch Waddles to lure us here! We'll be lucky to get here alive...I'm sorry Mable but we-"

NO! I'M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT WADDLES! Screams Mabel. Before they could stop her, she was already running down the cave.

"Wha!? Mabel come back!" But she was already gone.

Dipper growled in irritation, but gave out a resigned sigh. "Okay, so were off to rescue Mabel...and then we kill her." Says Dipper flatly.

"Yeah, well. Take a number." Says an equally irritated Wendy...

…...

As they wandered through the prehistoric caverns. Dipper's mind couldn't help but drift to the subject he'd been avoiding...Phil. It had been days and still no word.

Worse, according to May all of SHIELD's available Manpower and resources were currently being focused on taking down the Clairvoyant so it would be awhile before they could check out the Hydra city.

Dipper was surprised by how hurt he was over the possibility of Phil being killed or worse...that guy had really become very dear to him. And not just because of him being "an awesome secret agent "...it was deeper than that. For the first time ever he had someone who really got him, understood him.

Phil was like the friend he'd always wanted. He felt he could tell Phil anything and not just his supernatural theories or beliefs...But real stuff...Deep stuff...Stuff he'd never talked about with anyone.

Wow, now that he thought about it; it really did seem weird how easy it was for them to connec-

"Dipper! I see Mabel!" Shouted Wendy. Breaking free from his current train of thought, Dipper turned to where Wendy was pointing.

Sure enough he saw Mabel...With Waddles!?

Quickly they ran down to her. "Mabel! Are you okay!? How'd you get Waddles?"

Mabel smiled. "Relax, I'm fine! And Waddles fine too! This nice man here saved him!"

It was only then that dipper noticed what the lack of light had originally concealed.

A bloodied man licking his even bloodier bayonet on top of a mutilated pterodactyl corpse.

"You know. I could probably abort my mission now, and the Clairvoyant would be more than happy with this carcass right here." Said Edison Po...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Okay, would anyone be willing to post this story(or maybe another story) on "Television Tropes and Idioms. com"? I'd appreciate it!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Go ahead...Make my Review**


	30. Chapter 30

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 30

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-The instant Dipper heard the word "Clairvoyant" he grabbed Mabel and shouted at the others to run but they were already surrounded by Silence and-

Centipede! Shouted a horrified Dipper at the sight of a single soldier that had a robotic centipede grafted on his arm!

"-You know I didn't say anything when the Clairvoyant insisted I bring one of my men along." Continued Po nonchalant.

"But with me and the silence already going, I honestly thought that it was overkill." He pauses to look at the dead pterodactyl.

"-I should have known better to doubt him."

He turns back to the group. "Right, judging by your reaction I'm assuming you know who I work for and what my friend here can do to you?"

Not knowing what else to do, Dipper nodded.

Po nodded back. "Good, then let's cut to the chase. The Clairvoyant sees many things. He cans see within any agency, any government. He knows what the President dreams about at night...what he can't see is anything to do with this town...Nor why Phil Coulson is so interested in it...in you."

He points the knife at Dipper. "You can get out of this alive...just tell me what I want to hear."

Dipper looked at this bloodied sociopath with fear. Feeling his sister shiver in fear beside him gave him the resolve to speak.

"-Wait, if you wanted us why didn't you kidnap me with that first silence? Or have Oggie take-"

"-The Clairvoyant had nothing to do with that." Interrupted Po. "The Clairvoyant and SHIELD are but two of many parties interested in this town. Now stop stalling and answer my-"

-Wait, so you really sent that pterodactyl to-

**BANG!**

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Soos! Shouted everyone as he nursed a wound on his arm where the bullet grazed him. Po blew out the smoke on his revolver.

"Didn't your mother teach you it's rude to interrupt your elders?" He asked flatly.

"Also, as flattering as it is that you assume I could control such a beast.

In actuality we've been waiting for you to head to an isolated area away from town for days...in fact had I known we were heading for a cave filled with dinosaurs I would have waited longer-"

He shakes his head. "But enough of that, there's no point stalling. Coulson isn't coming to rescue you this time."

Before Dipper could angrily retort; Po activated his holo-projector-

"-Please, please! Please, I'm begging you, let me die! Please! Please let me die!  
Let me die, please! Please! Let me die! Please! Let me die!" Screamed Phil as his brain was ripped apart by some monstrous machine.

Mabel vomited on Dippers shoes, Dipper didn't even notice...his heart was too busy shattering...

Po watched with calculated apathy as the hope died on their faces. This small recording that he'd been sent after that idiot Raina had lost Phil to SHEILD was proving most useful.

"Right, now that that's been established; tell me why Phil was interested in you."

Dipper was rattled his face hot with tears. "I don't know!" He finally shouts distraught. "He just said it was personal! He never...he never told us anything!"

Po shook his head. "I'm sorry to hear that." He motioned to his men who began to step forward.

"Wait!" Shouted Stan. "I know! I know at all! Let the kids go and I'll stay and tell you everything!"

"Grunkle Stan no!" Shouted a horrified Mabel. "Were not going to leave you! Especially not after how you tried to save waddles-"

"That was a lie!" Snapped Stan. "I didn't stop try to save him! I tied him up outside, like you told me not to!

Now it was Mabe's turn for her heart to shatter. "G-grunkle?" asked Mabel her lip quivering as she cried.

It took all of Stan's willpower to not cry too.

"That's right! I'm a lying, self-centered jerk who has probably just gotten his family killed! You owe me nothing! Leaving me to die here will be the perfect revenge for me almost killing you, Dipper, and your pig! So just go!"

In another universe such a confession would have prompted Mabel to hate Stan and write him out of her life-

This was not that universe-

"I-I won't leave!" Shouted a crying Mabel.

Po gave an impatient cough. "If were quite finished with the soap opera; none of you are leaving until I get what I want."

He turns to Mabel then notices Wendy spray painting the ground, and gives her a curious look.

"What? I do this when I'm nervous!" She snaps agitated.

Po gives a dismissive hand wave and turns once more to Mabel.

"You seem very fond of that pig. Perhaps we should feed it something special?

How about your eyes? Maybe then you'll feel more cooperative."

He motions to the Centipede soldier to step forward, he turns back to Mabel-

**CRACK!**

Only to get beaned by something. _A spray can? _He thinks incredulously right before it explodes!

The Silence try to advance but the heat ignites the lines of spray paint on the ground creating a wall of fire between them and the gang. Who already made a break for it the instant the spray can hit Po. Wendy pauses only long enough to throw two more "spray cans" at the Centipede soldier which also exploded. The force of the explosion throws him back against the wall hitting his head; which shorts out his eye-cam and causes the poor souls brain to rupture.

A battered and bloodied Po screams as he pops his arm back into place while glaring at the fleeing children murderously...

…...

The nice thing about fear? It focuses your mind and makes you smarter.

Or are at least that's how Dipper felt as he ran. He was finally able to forget about Phil, and focus on saving himself and his friends and family. While doing so he can't help but play back Po's conversation...he couldn't put his finger on it...But he knew he'd missed something important.

_He couldn't have been watching the house...too much risk of being detected by the security system...he had no idea about the dinosaurs...it's like he didn't know where we were going to be...but knew where we were-_

Dipper paled as he stopped running-

GUYS! AGAINST THE WALL! AND SPREAD YOURSELF!

Everyone stopped running and looked at Dipper confused. "Dipper what are you-"

JUST DO IT! NOW! Everyone quickly complied. Dipper pulled out yet another device Phil had given him and sweep it over the until it started to beep-

**RIP!**

**GAAAHHHHHH!**

Screamed Mabel as she rubbed the now bald spot on her head.

"Mabel! Where did you get this!?" Shouted Dipper as he showed her the hair clip.

Mabel fought back the tears as she tried to speak. "I-I got it from a new friend I made a couple days ago-"

Dipper smiled and turned to Wendy. "You have anymore of those grenade/flamethrower spray cans?"

Wendy smiled back as once more she was grateful for feeling that they were getting too reliant on Phil and asked Soos to whip up some stuff for her to use.

"How many you need?" She asks coyly...

….later...

Po marched with his few surviving Silence as he used the tracker to pinpoint the tracking device that Raina slipped that girl. They should be in the next room-

**click**

Po looked down at the tripwire he'd just dislodged and could only watch speechless as several dozen spray cans spewed flames that freed the captive raptor pack from the amber-

…...

Everyone groaned as they emerged from the abandoned church.

An exhausted Dipper turns to an equally exhausted Mabel. "Just so you know; I'm beating the crap out of you tomorrow for endangering yourself and us for a stupid Pig." Says Dipper drowsily. He then walks away to call May about Po and the dinosaurs.

"-And I'm going to help." Says Wendy while fighting her fatigued bodies desire to collapse.

"-Yeah...I'm also gonna have to get a punch in as well, Hambone." Admits Soos as he bandages his arm.

Mabel sighs. "Fair enough."

-HE'S ALIVE!

Everyone turns to an overjoyed Dipper. "SHIELD rescued Phil! He's alive!" Everyone exclaimed whoops of joy...only to cry out as their battered bodies groaned out in protest...

…...

As they got in the car Wendy turned to Stan. "By the way, what is the reason Phil keeps coming here?"

"Wha- Oh! That! I was just bluffing about that!" Said Stan smoothly as he suppressed the memories of a certain funeral...and what he saw there...

Wendy gave out a disappointed sighed. "Look Dipper, I know you trust Phil but this-

Dipper sighed. "I know, things have gotten way too dangerous...Alright next time he's here we make him tell us." declares dipper...reluctantly...

…...

Phil Colson didn't know what to think...But he did know one thing: until he figured out what really happened in "TAHITI"...or what he really was...he wasn't going anywhere near Gravity falls or the kids! He'd pulled some strings to have some actual agents monitor them...he hoped that would be enough...

…...

Deep within the abandoned church-

**SMASH!**

The Raptor shrieked as it burst from the hole-

**SPLAT!**

Only to die as the sole surviving Silence burst out of it's chest.

**PINES!**

The aliens screams echoed through the forest...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**She took a giant review on my face. Literally! Literally? -Not literally...that's disgusting. Sheesh. What's wrong with you?**


	31. Chapter 31

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 31

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…**...location undisclosed...**

-a dark silhouetted figure's eyes dance over the hundreds of surveillance monitors...but it stops on one in particular-

…...

_\- __Aaah! Dudes, there's a bat in the kitchen! It tried to touch me with its "weird little bat fingers!" _

_-__Don't worry, I got this under control._

_\- Dipper, take care of it._

_-okay._

_-'Cause life ain't- Wait did you just say okay?_

_-yeah, I'll get right on it._

_-you don't think it's unfair or something?_

_-under different circumstances, maybe._

_But frankly after all the crap I've been through...What Phil's been through...It just doesn't seem that big of a deal anymore, you know?_

_-oh...okay then...great...I guess..._

_(states Grunkle Stan not really sure how to feel about that)_

_(suddenly, the group is distracted by Gideon's jingle coming from the television)_

…_..._

The figure groans at the sight of the commercial, broadcasting that idiots plan for all to see...he shakes his head in disgust at his "attempt" to steal the deed.

And then his eye's widened; that moron was going to try and summon Bill!?

His earpiece buzzes with the sniper assigned to track Gideon asking if he should "off him"...after a moments contemplation...he asks him to just observe and keep him posted...

…...Several hours later...

_-(Laughs) Oh, oh,Gravity Falls! It is good to be back. Name's Bill Cipher, and I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy?(Laughs) I'm just kidding, I know who you are, Gideon! _

…...

The figure couldn't believe his eyes!

He did it! The moron actually succeeded in summoning Bill!

This changed everything!

Quickly he activated the Bill alarm-

…_..._Several hours later...

_-Get ready, guys. We're about to journey into the most horrifying, disturbing place any of us have ever been: our uncle's mind._

…_..._

Almost...almost...yes! The fly-cam was in place!

The figure watched in triumph as the Pines boy unknowingly carried it into his uncles mind...

…_...S_everal hours latter..._..._

The figure was exstatic! All this data! Finally! After all these years!...

…...Several hours latter...

-_huh, an actually smart plan._

Thinks the figure impressed. As Gideon enacts his contingency plan to take advantage of the Pine incapacitation to steal the deed.

_Maybe he's actually learn-_ _Wait, what's he doing!?_

He watches in disbelief as Gideon doesn't leave immediately...but instead walks over to the Pines to gloat!?

**IDIOT!**

Screams the figure as he smashes through a nearby console.

…...

-Now in a different universe after going through such a harrowing ordeal the Pines family were (sorta)understandably too exhausted, disoriented, and unclear about what was reality and what was a dream to stop Gideon...

-This was not that universe

…...

_GAAAHHHHHH! Screamed Gideon as Dipper brutally beat him._

_The rest of the Pines clan were shocked at first...But quickly came over to assist in the beating-_

…_..._

The figure face-palmed.

_Oh, for the love of - _

He snatches up the phone.

"Go to Plan B!"

…_..._

The figure let's out a sigh of relief as the "anonymous tip" brought the police running to the Mystery Shack.

Predictably, they believed their "beloved" Gideon's words over everything else.

Quickly they arrested the Pines for assault, which Gideon took advantage of to claim the Shack his own.

Sparing only enough time to assign several agents to watch the Pines; he then focused on his main priority: all the data, readings, and video recordings that they'd just gathered from bill.

They'd already sent copies to all his top men...but as always he wanted to put his own mind to work at it as well.

He grabs a bottle of fine wine and begins to drink it while watching-

…...

_-Yeah, look out for the triangle guy! _

_-It's him! It's the guy!_

_-You leave our uncle's brain alone, you isosceles monster! (Runs inside Bill, seconds later comes back outside) Gotcha! Wait, what? _

_-Ah, Stan's family, we meet at last! Question Mark, Shooting Star, Pine Tree, I had a hunch I might bump into you! (Shoots a hole in Dipper's chest) _

**SPLAT!**

The monitor scree is covered in wine!

…**...REWIND...**

_-Ah, Stan's family, we meet at last! Question Mark, Shooting Star, Pine Tree, I had a hunch I might bump into you! (Shoots a hole in Dipper's chest) _

…**..REWIND...**

_-Question Mark, Shooting Star, Pine Tree-_

…**..REWIND...**

_-Question Mark, Shooting Star, Pine Tree-_

…_..._

The figure has grown deathly pale.

Quickly he taps a few buttons, to bring up another image on one of the monitors.

An image of a strange Wheel covered with stranger symbols.

His eyes fall on three symbols in particular-

He practically rips the phone out of the wall!

GET ME BUDDY GLEEFUL! WE'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**I think yo all know what episode comes next...**

**And three cheers to a more proactive Dipper thanks to Phil's influence!**

**Also don't forget to give a shout out to my mom's birthday story on my page!**

**Hope for Reviews is a dangerous thing Hope for Reviews can drive a man insane**


	32. Chapter 32

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 32

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-All was quite at soos's Abuelita's house. Everyone was fast asleep on the various makeshift beds they'd jury rigged. All was peaceful and quite...until Dippers alarm clock goes off-

**Just a boy with a sling and a stone,  
but the heart of a lion dared him to go.  
To hear the sound of the cynical,  
die out with the sound of the giant's fall-**

**(click)**

Dipper groaned as he woke up and turned the alarm off. _Alright...for better or for worse...this ends today. _Thinks an anxious but cautious Dipper as he wakes up his family and friends...

…...

Gideon was ecstatic! Finally, his victory was almost complete! His enemies were vanquished! The shack was his! Soon the journal would be his! And best of all these gullible sheep were praising him as the hero for all of it! Man it was good to be king!

Gideon smiles as he turns to the adoring public that had gathered outside the shack.

"We're gonna turn this dirty ol' shack into three square miles of Gideon-tertainment. And introducin' our new mascot, Lil' Gideon Jr.!" Shouted Gideon as he revealed a shackled Waddles in a Gideon costume-

**YOU MONSTER!**

Everyone turned around to see the entire mystery shack crew at the front gate. Dipper held back a furious Mabel as he turned to Gideon.

"Give us the deed to the shack and the pig, Gideon, or else!"

Gideon gave a dismissive chuckle. "Am I supposed to say, 'Or else what?'"

"Yes, you are supposed to say that." Says a voice behind him. Gideon turns around and sees Phil coulson and his entire team right behind him! May smashes open the cage letting Waddles escape back to Mabel.

Phil walks toward Gideon. "Gideon Gleeful! Your under arrest for attempted murder, conspiracy to commit murder, unlawful breaking and entering, property theft, animal cruelty, and if we can wing it; being a psychotic, creepy kid!"

Gideon chuckles. "Come on Mr. Phil, haven't we gone through this song and dance already? You know I'll never spend a day in jail, right father?" Says Gideon as he turns- to empty air!?

SORRY SWEETIE! IT WAS EITHER ME OR YOU! Shouts Bud as he hops the fence.

Gideon paled; he didn't know how his dad was able to swing his release last time...but he knew that had been his only shot to not be arrested.

Getting over their shock Blubs and Durland step in between Gideon and Phil. "Now wait just a minute! Gideon would never-

Phil, in no mood for their idiocy; pauses only long enough to push them aside- Only to find Gideon gone. Phil groans. _Of course. _

**CRASH!**

Everyone looks up just in time for the giant Gideon statue to head toward them-

**YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME! I WON'T BE DENIED MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPTH!**

And before anyone could do anything, the Gideon reaches down and swipes-

WENDY! MABEL! Shouts a fearful Dipper as he runs after the giant Robot.

"A giant Robot?!" Shouts Fitz. "Who builds a giant robot in plain sight!? And why would he need one!? Didn't he already think he won!?" Phil wasn't listening; he was already calling for SHEILD's Anti-Giant Mech unit...and running after Dipper.

Dipper having snatched up the grappling hook and flamethrower spray-can that the girls dropped, quickly dose some complicated math in his head. He then fires the grappling hook while making sure the can is broken in just the right way-

**BOOM!**

Ignoring the agony as his hand blisters, Dipper holds onto the can as it propels him forward. The grappling hook cable then bounces him backward, causing Dipper to ricochet toward the robot like a bullet. During this, Dipper couldn't help but play yet another song in his head-

**But the stone was just the right size  
To put the giant in the ground-**

**CRASH!**

Dipper smashes through the robots eye and crashes into Gideon-

**And the waves don't seem so big  
From on top of them looking down-**

**SMACK! CRACK! POW!**

Dipper viciously beats up Gideon with savage fury-

**I will soar with the wings of eagles-**

**BOOM!**

The song in his ear was replaced with a ringing as the robot finally falls over-

…...

"Okay, not to sound un-relieved; but how did he pull off that crazy stunt without dying!?" Shouts an exasperated Simmons as they head for the now felled robot. Phil didn't give this a single thought as he and his team scramble to help Wendy, Mabel, and Dipper out of the wreckage. Dipper was quickly given a congratulatory hug from Mabel...and a quick congratulatory kiss from Wendy-

Meanwhile, not very far away. It was a less than enthusiastic Blubs and Durland that pulled Gideon out of the same wreckage. "Gideon, I don't understand...What is all this? What dose it mean?" Asks the confused and slightly broken hearted policeman.

Gideon pales. "N-now Blubs, buddy...I know this looks bad...But if you come closer I'll explain everything."

Blubs eagerly obliges-

**YOINK!**

Shouts Gideon as he swipes Blubs Gun. "If I'm going down, I'm taking you down with me!" screams Gideon as he wheels the gun toward Dipper-

**BANG!**

Dipper was in shock...it was like someone had peeled away a layer of his brain...and his reality was no longer anchored to any point of reference...and it felt like he was about to be crushed by a new unforgiving paradigm of ultimate reality...or at least those were the thoughts that ran through his head as he stared at his twin sister who had just taken a bullet for him-

Mabel looked down at the blood that stained her once beloved sweater...she promptly flopped to the ground...

Many things happened at once: Phil screamed for a medic, Ward tackled the shocked Gideon to the ground, and Dipper frantically tried to keep Mabel conscious-

After Mabel is rushed away, and ward chastises the police for their stupidity and sends them away in shame to wait for Phil later...Then it was just Phil and Gideon.

Phil slowly takes off his suite and tie. "Y'know, despite everything you've done; your still only 10. So I really did want to treat you civilly...Which I see now was a mistake." He says while rolling up his sleeves.

Needless to say Gideon was sweating bullets. "Now hold on! You've caught me!" Says Gideon gesturing to his shackled hands. "I'm in your custody! I have rights!" Phil nodded. "True, but your resisting arrest-"

Gideon spluttered frantically. "What!? No, I'm-" "You will-" interrupts Phil as he steps toward him-

Gideon's screams would be heard for miles around...

…**...**

Dipper sighed. _To think that in different circumstances...this would be a dream come true... _

Thinks a melancholy Dipper as he and the rest of the gang are transported on the Bus to the HUB...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Alright everyone! Pack your bags! Were leaving Gravity falls and heading head first into the Marvel continuity! Want to guess where and when?**

**Love me, flame me, Review me**


	33. Chapter 33

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 33

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

It had been a dozen long, intense hours of waiting as Mabel struggles to live in the HUB's ER...Wendy, Stan, Soos, and Dipper haven't slept or eaten...their too nervous!

Suddenly they see Coulson shaking the hand of one of those (company name redacted) Parcel delivery guys.

"-Thanks again for doing this on such short notice, you've really saved the day." Says Phil with a smile.

The delivery guy smiled back. "Anytime, pal. Anytime." And with that he turns around and walks away. Phil nods and also turns around to walk toward the group(as such no one saw the giant monster hand the pops out of nowhere and snatches the Parcel guy away).

He smiles at them. "Good news! Mabel will make a full recovery!" Everyone lets out a sigh of relief. Phil nods. "She'll be bed ridden for a couple more days, but she'll be fine. Phil assures.

Suddenly May shows up. "I hate to interrupt; but were ready for you." Phil nods and turns to everyone. "Sorry guys, but I got a big meeting to attend." "Dose this have something to do with the Clairvoyant?" Asks Dipper with interest. Phil nodded. "Yeah, today we take the fight to him." He says confidently. He then assigns them guest quarters and walks off. Dipper watches him walk off with interest...

…...

"-You realize, Agent Coulson, they have these things called teleconferences now." Says Agent Hand as she, Garret, Sitwell, and Blake join Phil in the main conference room on the Bus.

"Nice to see you, too, Agent Hand." Retorts Phil as he helps Trip take off his unbelievably heavy backpack.

Phil then takes his seat. "Thank you all for coming on such short notice- "A little unconventional meeting this way, isn't it?" Interrupts Sitwell. Blake chuckles. "Oh, from the reports I've read, "unconventional" seems to be Coulson's middle name these days."

"I think 'insubordinate' would be a better name." Said Hand flatly. She then turns to Phil. "Mind explaining to us why there are currently a bunch of civilians at the Hub?" She asks pointedly.

Phil sighed, he'd hoped to put this conversation off a little longer. "During a recent assignment a civilian was caught in the crossfire and got a life-threatening injury. I had her rushed to intensive care immediately."

"At the Hub?" Asked Hand Skeptically. "What exactly was wrong with the local hospital?"

"-Considering that they still believed "bleeding out", and prayer beads to be a viable medicine. A better question would be "what isn't wrong with it?" Countered Phil, now thankful that he'd researched the local customs of the town just in case of this.

"Wait, are we talking about that Gravity Falls place?" Asked Blake interested. Garret chuckled. "Man that place is crazy! It has living garden gnomes, lake monsters, pint-size sociopaths, half-assed convoluted conspiracies, monster clay-things, dinosaurs living underground, artificially grown boy bands!? It's like a who's who of crappy B-movie cliches!"

Sitwell leaned forward also interested. "And Fitz and Simmons theory? About a possible reality rift- "Causing various laws of physics to be warped or downright ignored?" Finished Garret, he shrugged. "I don't know much about all that sciency stuff; but I do know that every time I walk in there I feel like I'm in a Saturday morning cartoon!" He chuckles again. "Almost everyone there is unbelievably quirky and whimsically moronic! An anvil landed on my head and not only did I not die but Trip got hit by a star that appeared around my head!"

Phil sighed. "Look were getting off topic; We need to focus on the Clairvoyant. As it is, this won't be a cake walk-

Right on que, a walking, talking anamorphic piece of cake walked into the room. "-Walking, walking." Says the cake right before it sees them and feels the atmosphere of the room. "-Oh, I came at the wrong time didn't I?" He asks awkwardly, he then turns around and quickly retreats.

Everyone was quite..."What the hell was that?" Demanded a confused Sitwell. Phil sighed. "That was a...'Souveiner' from Gravity Falls." He admitted. Garret once more burst out laughing. "Okay, that's it. I don't care who's ass I gotta kiss, I'm getting myself reassigned there! That place is crazy!"

Hand just shook her head. "What I'd like to know is why Fury made an exception toward Phil about our; "Don't interfere with any marked 'Towns with a dark secret' unless it threatens global stability protocols."

Phil again groaned at how things had once more gotten off topic. "Look, it's classified. If you want to know more, you'll have to take it up with Fury. Now can we please get back to how were going to get the Clairvoyant-

"Git 'em! Git 'em!" Shouted Tyler enthusiastically. The entire room stared at him in disbelief. "Uh...Mr. Cutebiker?" Ventured Phil finally. "Why are you here?" Then Phil backpedaled. "Actually, strike that. _How, _did you get here?" He amends genuinely baffled.

"I'm sorry, did you just say his name was cutebiker?" Asked Hand skeptically. Phil shakes his head. "I couldn't make this stuff up even if I wanted to." Confesses the bewildered Phil. Garret sighs. "Maybe we should take a break?" He offered.

Trip nodded and tried to swing his back pack onto his shoulder, unfortunately he underestimated the weight and ended up sending it flying-

**CRASH!**

**GAH!**

Suddenly, almost everyone had a gun pointed at the pack. "Wait!" Shouts Phil having recognized the voice. "Dipper?" He asked cautiously.

A groan rose from the bag. "Okay, before you get mad; you should know that I think I just dislocated something"...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!**

**Just so you know the Deliveryman who (somehow) saved Mabel was my dad!**

**If you liked this story, Give a shout out to my DAD!**


	34. Chapter 34

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 34

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Phil sighed as Dipper was given a once over by a medic. "First Tyler, then you?" Asked Phil incredulously. "Is there anyone not breaking into my plane tonight? What, is Lazy Susan here too?"

**CRASH!**

"I'm okay!" Shouts Susan after falling from the ceiling somehow "Go home, Susan." States Phil without turning around. "You got it." Confirms Susan as she walks away...

Blake chuckles. "What, is the security of this plane made of Swiss cheese or something?" He jokes playfully. Garret shakes his head. "No, it's not that. Like I said the people of that town are weird, sometimes it's like they can teleport whenever their not in your sight."

Hand coughs to get everyone's attention. She turns to Phil. "I take it this is one of the civilians you go to to get 'eyes on the ground.'" She says, quoting his 'official' reason sarcastically. Phil inwardly groaned, this was going to cause him problems.

He turns to Dipper. "Dipper, why are you here?" Dipper sighs. "Look, for most of the summer I've had a 'have a good time, stay out of trouble' mentality. Instead of going out to find/stop trouble. I've more or less waited until trouble found me-

"That's a good way to get yourself killed." Interjected Blake thoughtfully. Dipper rolled his eyes. "Yes, thank you. I realize that now!" He rubs his forehead irritably. "I knew that Gideon was a monster...and yet I did nothing to stop him...I didn't even take precautions to protect my family from him! No, all I did was put it at the back of my mind and waste my days blowing up hotdogs in the microwave, goof off with my sister, and trying to impress Wendy!" Dipper wasn't even embarrassed by saying that last remark! He meant every word of what he was saying!

Desperately, Phil tried to consul the boy. "Dipper that's a normal attitude for someone your age to have- Dipper laughed. "Phil, I think we can both agree that 'normal' waved goodbye to me a long to me...Which is fine, because I like not being normal...the weeks I've spent in gravity falls-" Dipper struggled to find the right words. "-for the first time in my life I've felt like I've truly been myself!"

He then looks at Phil. "-And you've helped a lot there too." He adds more than a little flustered. Phil didn't know what to say to that. Quickly, Dipper built his nerve back up. "Which makes what I'm about to ask a whole lot harder." He admits as he turns to Phil, the image of Mabel being shot giving him the courage he needs.

"Look Phil, not only have you helped me through a lot of personal problems; but you've also saved me and my families life loads of times. Both personally and through the gadgets you leave us- "He did what!?" Interrupts an enraged Hand. Phil's mind quickly races to placate her. "As you've seen, gravity falls is a dangerous place. I can't be there 24/7 because of my other duties, so I gave them...a few things to help them survive."

"Oh, so were just giving away high-tech, military-grade hardware now to every civilian that asks for it now, are we?" Asks Hand skeptically. Seeing a major argument brewing, Dipper was quick to cut it off. "Okay, I'm just going to cut right to the chase." He quickly turns to Phil. "Phil I trust you with my life, and I'm grateful for everything you've done...But a madman tried to kill my family and friends to know why you keep coming to us!...I think that more than entitles _me _to know why!"

"-That's a good point." Interjected Hand suddenly. "In fact, why don't you enlighten us all while your at it?" Phil cursed...as much as he wanted to admit the truth...No, between all the enemies he had and the implications of TAHITI...No, there's no way he could put them in the middle of that...But where did that leave him- And then he had it.

"-To be honest...I know it's a bit unprofessional...but I think that Dipper could be a potential candidate for the 'Kid Hero' initiative." Hand looks at him incredulously. "Really? That's what your going with?" "I can see that." perks up Garret suddenly. "That kids taken all the crap that crazy town's had to offer and then some, and he found a hidden HYDRA city that eluded how many generations of SHIELD?"

He then get's a thoughtful look on his face, and turns to Sitwell. "By the way, what are we doing about that?" He asks genuinely curious. Sitwell gives him a pointed look. "Well, I can't speak for Fury but Alexander Pierce is of the opinion that we should wait for Project Insight to 'take off' before we take care of it one way or the other." Garret shrugs. "Fair enough."

"I'm sorry, what's the 'kid hero' initiative?" Asks a curious Dipper. It is then explained to him that it is a(currently inactive) program devised by the more radical fringe groups of SHIELD(which was currently in legal limbo due to it's controversy). It's main purpose was to allow kids of unbelievable skill/potential to be apprenticed to senior members of SHEILD.

Dipper looked at Phil in disbelief. "Y-you want to take me on as a prodigy?" And as he heard that question, Phil was surprised to realize that he really did. True he'd made up that reason at the spur at the moment...but he did see potential in him...he was proud of his accomplishments...And the idea of training him to follow in his footsteps...greatly appealed to him.

Phil smiled and genuinely nodded. The joy on Dippers face was indescribable. "-Of course that's assuming that the program ever gets off the ground." Admits Phil. "Which to be honest isn't very likely given the massive amount of opposition that it's facing...which I believe is headed by Hand." Hand nods. "Yes, it is. Which is something I take great pride in. The whole thing is completely idiotic; were the worlds greatest spy agency, not a daycare center!"

Garret coughed. "Right, I think we've gone way off topic here...that Clairvoyant ain't going to catch himself last time I checked." Hand sighed. "True enough." But she flashed Phil a look that clearly told all that saw it that this conversation wasn't over. Phil inwardly gave a sigh of relief at the change of topic. He nods to everyone. "Right, Dipper were too far away to head back to the HUB so just stick with Sky on the plane. Everyone else, back to the briefing! It's time we get to it!"

"Git 'em! Git 'em!" Shouted Tyler again enthusiastically. "Go home, Tyler." States Phil again without turning around or breaking his stride. "You got it." Confirms Tyler as he walks away. Dipper frowned, he didn't know why. But every time Phil said that, he got the strangest feeling of 'semi-deja vu'...

…...

Meanwhile, in another universe where their was no Phil or SHEILD. A Dipper guarding a pool sneezes...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Whoever saves one Review saves the world entire **


	35. Chapter 35

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 35

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

After being cleared by the medic Dipper was allowed to explore the Bus(provided he stayed out of everyone's way). Dipper poured some water into a cup from a cooler. "That were you got burnt rescuing your sister and the redhead?"

Dipper looked over and saw agent Garret standing beside him pointing at his hand. Dipper frowned. "Uh...yeah, I guess." Said Dipper awkwardly, not really sure how to talk to an agent he barely knew.

Garret chuckled. "Yeah, I've gotten my fair share of battle scars." He lifts up his shirt to reveal them much to Dippers interest/horror. Garret points them all out. "I've been shot a couple times myself back, shoulder. Had my throat cut once...But burns are the worst."

Dipper nodded as he remembered the pain. "Yeah, it was weird...the burn itself didn't hurt...but the area around it did."

"I know! Crazy, right?" affirms Garret. But enough about that nasty stuff, let's talk about something more fun." Said Garret as Dipper takes a long drink. "Like, 'have you fracked that hot redhead yet?'"

Dipper responded with a spit-take. And almost choking on the water. "M-mr. Garret! I-I'm...I'm only 12!" Exclaimed a scarlet Dipper. Garret shrugged. "So? You've beaten gnomes, sea monsters, living wax, psychics, ghosts, mutant bears, berserkers, aliens, dinosaurs, demons, and giant robots! If your old enough to do that, why can't you be old enough to frack a cutie sideways?"

Dipper didn't respond, he was too mortified...yet thoughtful Garret sighs. "Alright, we'll change the subject." He says while he grabs Dippers glass of water and tosses it aside. "-Like if your old enough to do that, why can't you be old enough to drink?" He said while pulling out a couple bootles of booze. At first Dipper was hesitant, then as Garrets words really sunk in and he remembers all the crap he's had to go through this summer...

"Frak it, just give me one." Said Dipper with a sigh. Garret gave a hearty laugh "There's a good man!" He shouts as he hands him a cold one. As they drink. Dipper smiles as he once more thinks on what Phil said earlier. "I still can't believe that all this time Phil wants to take me on as an apprentice!" Garret chuckles good-naturedly as he shakes his head. "Kid, I feel morally obligated to give you your first lesson on being a secret agent: when to spot the BS."

Dipper looks at him confused. "What are you talking about?" Garret raises his hands up in a placating sort of way. "Now don't get me wrong. It's clear that he was being honest about seeing great potential in you, and wanting to make you his apprentice...But it was also just as obvious that that wasn't 'the reason' he keeps coming to see you. He only said it to get Hand off his case."

Dipper was completely thrown by this. "So, she believed it then?" Garret snorted. "Of course she didn't! But that's fine. With Fury backing Phil. It doesn't need to be believable. It just needs to be plausible enough that hand can't just go over Fury's head or pull some other bureaucratic crap without screwing herself."

Dipper rubbed his temples as a headache formed. "All this subterfuge and secrets...I thought you guys were on the same side?" Garret lets out a thunderous laugh. "Kid, when your an agent the only real difference between allies and enemies...is that you don't usually know where your enemy is, so you can't always screw him over!"

Dipper frowns. "It all seems so horrible and complicated." Garret slaps him on the back playfully. "Welcome to the wonderful world of Adulthood! It sucks, you'll love it!" Not knowing what else to do...Dipper Pines downed another cold one...and another...and another...

…...

Dipper groaned as he slowly regained consciousness, he grasped his head as it felt like it was about to burst. He slowly realizes he's on a cot in the med-lab with Phil looking on. "Here, this'll help." He stated as he gave Dipper coffee and bacon...and one or two special SHIELD potions.

After a couple hours(and several angry conversations Phil and Hand have with Garret) Dipper had more-or-less recovered. Phil(after seeing to make sure Agent Blake was recovering) dropped by once more. Dipper groaned. "Okay, I've seen enough movies...how much did I humiliate myself?" "Oh, it wasn't that bad. Maybe a stumble here and there, some vomit sure. But nothing too bad." Lied Phil skillfully...

…...

_Wendy tries to find ways to keep herself busy in the guest quarters, when her phone rings. She opens it. "Hello?" She asks. "Hey Wendy! Have I told you how much I want to fondle your boobs while you F*** me till I cry!?" Shouts an unbelievably wasted Dipper...who was currently leaning against the intercom button so the whole horrified occupants of the Bus found themselves listening in. Phil had gone pale with horror. "Fitz!" "Way ahead of you sir!" Shouts Fitz as he was already on his way to the com room to cut off the call._

…_..._

Unfortunately for all concerned Fitz was unable to cut it before Dipper revealed the numerous sexual fantasies he'd dreamed...Most of them ended with Wendy doing all the work(and then some)...Phil especially could have lived his whole life without hearing the one where Wendy was a knight...and Dipper a princess...And that hadn't even been the most disturbing part!

As he turns to leave. Dipper speaks up. "Uh, Phil?...I'm grateful, and looking forward to being your apprentice...But I know that's not the real reason you keep seeing me"... Phil inwardly curses, but then heads back into the room. Sit down, and prepares himself for a long talk...

…...

Meanwhile, Wendy was just staring blankly at the ceiling. _It is not okay that the first thought that comes into my head after hearing all 'that' is how cute Dipper would look in a dress. _Thinks a now very conflicted Wendy to herself...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Reviewers! Come out and play!**


	36. Chapter 36

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 36

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

"Look Dipper...I want to tell you the truth...and your right, your more then entitled to it...But I just- Phil groaned as he tried to find the right words...then he came to a decision.

"Okay...How about this? I won't tell you the reason, but I'll tell you 'why' I can't tell you the reason. Would that be okay?"

Dipper frowned. "I...Maybe- Look, it'll all depend on what you have to say...it's not just me you'll have to satisfy; Wendy's pushing for this too."

Despite the circumstances Phil can't help but smile at that. "Oh, I'm sure she is." And so without further delay...he told him everything. About his death, TAHITI, the men who gave their lives for the secret...and of course, the alien blood that now ran through his veins...

Dipper was speechless...it was a lot to take in... Seeing this, Phil continued. "I have no idea what long-term effects this will have on me...and between that and my current problems with the clairvoyant...It's just not a good time. But I promise you, when I figure this out...Then I'll explain it all to you...is that okay?"

Dipper said nothing for a long while...then he nodded. Phil thanked him, he was about to say more when his com-link came up. They had the Clairvoyants location, and they'd just landed at the race track...

…...

Meanwhile, Simmons began her 'mission' at the Hub. She'd paused only long enough to check on Mabel. Seeing that she was awake, recovering, and bonding with Trip. She then proceeded to the labs...only to find them sealed. She cursed, she wished that Fitz was here...only to then realize she had the next best thing...

Recruiting Soos...although had not gone as smoothly as she hoped...was successful nonetheless...even if it meant she had to also recruit Wendy and Stan. Wendy wanted in because she was tired of getting the 'runaround' from Phil, and was determined to get the answers(any answers) herself if she had to. And Stan...Well, he appeared to be mainly doing this to swipe SHEILD supplies...

Anyway, Soos was quick to disable the lock...just in time too...activity seemed to spiking around here...

…...

Dipper didn't know what was going on...apparently they'd caught the Clairvoyant(or something like that)...but apparently there was something wrong with ward? Everyone was running around too much for him to get a straight answer...So Dipper decided to practice his shooting in the simulator.

While he was doing that he couldn't help but think of a piece of advice that Garret gave him earlier.

"_Kid, if you want to be a good spy. There's one lesson you got to learn more than any other: how to kill."_

_Dipper(despite being on the verge of being deeply inebriated) looked like he was about to protest- _

"_And I don't mean killing monsters or whatever spooks you've encountered in gravity falls...I'm talking about your fellow humans here-_

It got sorta hazy after that, but Dipper got the gist. Killing monsters was easy, your fellow human was hard...he hadn't told anyone this...but he could've killed Gideon before anyone found him when the robot crashed...but he hesitated...despite all that Gideon had done...he was reluctant to take that final step...to which gideon rewards him with a bullet in Mabel's chest...so yeah...not his best decision...

Thinking about all this made Dipper depressed. With gun still in hand he found himself wandering the bus, and then the hanger.

**GAH!**

**BANG!**

**BANG!**

Hearing Fitz shout and gunshots, this time Dipper didn't hesitate. Fueled by adrenaline and the memory of Mabel getting shot Dipper whirled around-

**BANG!**

-And shot May right in the arm. Dipper, Fitz, Sky, and Phil could only watch this scene in horror-

**VROOM!**

Right as the Bus's controls were overridden and the plane changes it's trajectory...toward the HUB...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Stella! Hey Stella! Review!**


	37. Chapter 37

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 37

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper barely heard the shouts, the angry cries, the accusations...it all barely registered...he shot a person...And not just any person...May...sure they weren't that close...but she'd done a lot for him and Mabel over the summer...and he shot her...

The next thing he knows, he's sitting in Phil's office with him standing not too far away. "I'm here for you Dipper...you know that right?" Asked Phil. And suddenly Dipper cried, he confessed everything. What Garret said to him and how he had the opportunity to slit an unconscious Gideons throat in the robot...but didn't-

Phil groaned and rubbed his face in frustration...finally he looks Dipper straight in the eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that...But maybe it's for the best...take this tragedy, learn from it...had you hesitated with May like you did Gideon...Well, she wouldn't have her arm in a sling right now"...

Dipper's eye's lit up as he remembered an old proverb. "Better that ten guilty persons escape then that one innocent should suffer." Quoted Dipper in realization.

Phil nodded. "Now your getting it...and that's what sets us apart from the bad guys...when we kill it's only as a last resort...But more importantly; we make sure that person is guilty before we condemn."

Dipper nodded in understanding. Than Phil thought of something else. "As for Gideon- Phil pauses to toss Dipper a night-night gun. "If your ever in a situation like that again...just take them down not out."

Dipper smiled. "Thank you- "Do you read?!" Interrupted garrets voice over the com-link. "Do you read, 6-1-6? - Where's that coming from? - Close. Enemy aircraft on my tail. Over." Phil groaned. "Well talk later!" He shouts as he runs off...

…...

"I suggest we send more men, shoot that airplane out of the sky." Said one agent at the hub. "No." Stated Hand flatly. "We couldn't seize automated control of Garrett's jet, so I wrote it off as a loss. But now that he's with Coulson, we can cross him off with the rest when they land. Preserve the aircraft."

Agent Shaw musters up the courage to speak. "Uh, mam? What about the kid?" Hand cursed. She'd completely forgotten about him! She groans...the gives a resigned sigh. "Alright...tell the boarding party that if they can, they avoid harming the boy...but the main priority is bringing down Phil...he's too dangerous for us to take any chances."

Another thought occurs to her. "In fact, it's probably best we secure his sister, uncle and friends as well." The men didn't need to be told twice, they were on their way...

…...

Despite Fitz's best efforts, she'd run into a bit of a dead end. So she had Soos rig up a secure line to Agent Weaver for guidance. "You're positive this line is secure?" "Yeah, but be quick. Nothing looks more guilty than sneaking around." Explained Soos. Suddenly the holographic form of Agent Weaver appeared. "Agent Weaver, thank you for joining me. I-

"Jemma! Thank glob you're still alive!" Interrupted Weaver. "Is the Hub still secure? Are you with your team? Get somewhere safe and lock the door!" "What's happening?" Asked Wendy concerned. "Have your commander report that the academy is under siege! We don't know how long Hydra's been inside S.H.I.E.L.D. But they are taking control!"

Suddenly sounds of gunfire could be heard on the hologram. "Hydra? What? Where?" Asked a bewildered Fitz.

"Everywhere! Among us! If you survive, you'll know where to find me, don't trust anyone!"

**BOOM!**

And with that, the screen went to static. Stan had already dialed up Mabel's com-link half-way through the message. And breathed a sigh of relief when she tells him that Tripp had already suspected something was up and had moved her to someplace more secure. Which left the next order of business: escape. One quick peek in the hallway showed a large amount of soldiers heading there way, so that was out. Then Wendy got an idea. "The air vent!" Shouted Wendy suddenly. "Quick, help me up!" Quickly they oblige, Wendy has just squeezed herself in-

**CRASH!**

The door came down, and the soldiers swarmed in. "Hands over your heads! On the ground now!" Fitz, Soos, and Stan quickly complied. Wendy fueled by adrenaline, made her escape. Promising to herself that she'd come back for them...

…...

"What do you mean you can't find them!?" Demanded Hand while simultaneously watching monitors that showed her men trying to board the Bus. "Mam; Agent Tripp, Mabel Pines, and Wendy Corduroy are all still unaccounted for." Reported an agent.

"Uh, can I just say that whatever...this is, it has nothing to do with me, my family, or my employees." Stated Stan suddenly.

Mrs. Hand glares. "Correction; you **weren't **involved. But then you got yourself involved regardless...and when a man with a rap sheet as big as yours gets involved with matters such as these...Well, you'll forgive me if I'm not more than a little suspicious."

Right on que an agent reluctantly handed Hand a large file. She looks down on it, frowns and turns to the agent. "Is this a joke?" She asked irritated. "Mam; I swear I quintuple checked it all. And it's all accurate...somehow."

Hand looked over the file incredulously. "This is his rap sheet? Snack evasion? Bingo fraud? Woodpecker baiting? Pug trafficking? Burglebezzlement? Llamacide? Telling overly long jokes that go on...and...on"... She trails off on that last bit.

"Right, okay. New plan. Take these two away." She points to the Stan and Soos. "I don't care where you lock them up, just as long as it's far away from me. I can't deal with this cartoonish nonsense. I need to deal with, real, serious, adult problems."

The guards looked at her confused, but obeyed. "Llamicide?" Asked Agent Shaw confused as he takes Stan away. "Hey, that llama knew too much!" Shaw looked at him incredulously. "I'll...take your word on that, sir"...What else could he say?

…...

Ward was being overwhelmed and beatdown by a dozen guards...everything...everything was going dark-

**FWOOM!**

**GAH!**

Ward looked up just int time to see most of the guards badly burnt, quickly he's lifted up by Sky. "You should really look up the word "boring" in a dictionary." She said as Wendy finished off the remaining guards-

…...

-You don't put someone like her on ice!" Ranted Garett in the control room with Phil, May, Simmons, and Dipper listening in. "She had Skye shot in the stomach, In the stomach! Because she was curious. Mike Peterson burned alive and turned into some kind of freak. She tortured you, using the same machine she used to brainwash that bitch in the flower dress-

-Wait, I never said Raina had been inside the machine." Interrupted Phil suddenly. "I never told that to anybody."

Garret frowned. "I must have read it in a report, then. The point is, how many more have to suffer before Vic gets hers?"

Phil wasn't really listening, his mind was racing. "You weren't with us... You showed up right after- After Skye was shot... Quinn said it was so I would lead the Clairvoyant to the cure...And that's exactly what I did...I walked you right in there with me."

You could hear a pin drop. Garrett chuckled playfully. "Phil look. It's been a rough day. I-I get it. But you need to take a second and...He trails off when he sees that no one buying it. He sighs. "Dawm it-

**ZAP!**

**GAH!**

Garret went down like a sack of potatoes. Everyone looked at Dipper, Night-Night gun still smoking in his hand. Phil couldn't help it, he had to applaud. Garret groaned. "The irony of this...is not lost on me." He admitted right before he lapsed into unconsciousness...

**BOOM!**

Suddenly the door was smashed down and out swarmed numerous guards. "Freeze! Don't move! - Hands where we can see them!" "Phil obliged. "Take Agent Garrett into custody! He's the murderer they call the-

**CRUNCH!**

Phil gaped in disbelief as a golf cart feel from the ceiling a crushed all the soldiers, killing them all instantly. "Or...Okay, never mind." Stated Phil in disbelief. Ward and Sky frantically crawled out of the passengers seats. "Never again!" Snapped Sky at Wendy. An equally frazzled Wendy stumbled out of the drivers seat. "Hey, I got us here in one piece; didn't I?" She retorted dizzily. Hand, who was listening...just put her head in her hands...

…...

"Wait, so Hand thought Phil was the Clairvoyant and Phil thought Hand was the Clairvoyant...but it was actually Garrett?" Asked a confused Mabel. Dipper could only nod. It had been several hours since everything had been cleared up between Hand and Phil...Yet if anything the activity around here only increased.

Soos just shook his head. "I gotta say...I'm not crazy about the darker and edgier atmosphere they got going on here...I really I think I prefer the lighter and softer Gravity Falls."

"Well, I think we can help you there." Said Agent Hand as she and Phil enter the room. Dipper immediately stood up. "Phil! What's happening!? Is everything alright?" He asked concerned.

Phil sighed. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it...Despite the fact that Captain America foiled HYDRA'S main master plan and killed their leader...Were still in dire straits...The majority of our installations have been overrun by HYDRA...The United Nations has officially disbanded SHEILD and labeled all remnants as terrorists."

Dipper couldn't believe what he was hearing! "So what do we do now?" Asked Dipper. Phil shook his head. 'We' aren't doing anything. I'm sending you guys back to Gravity Falls."

"What!?" Exclaimed Dipper. "You can't do that! Phil, we can't just leave you like this! Not after everything-

**ZAP!**

**GAH!**

Everyone screamed(or in Wendy's case slapped him..._Dipper really dose have good taste. _Thinks Phil to himself later) in outrage at Phil as Dipper feel unconscious. "I know! I know! I'm not proud of it! But we really don't have time! The military will be here to arrest us all any second!"

That was all they needed to hear! Pausing only long enough for Wendy to scoop up Dipper. The Mystery Shack Gang prepared themselves for a long...bittersweet journey home back to Gravity Falls...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Back to Gravity Falls!...what will be the fallout from this?**

**The first rule of Review Club...Is that we don't talk about Review Club**


	38. Chapter 38

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 38

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Mabel smiled as the party was going full swing. "Hey boys! Looking good! Gorney! You clean up nice! Mr. Poolcheck move those crazy legs...You- you weird pool man."

Yep this party had been a great idea! Both as a celebration for getting the Shack back...and to get everyone's mind off recent events...Especially Dippers. Mabel sighed, Dipper had been so depressed the last couple of days. They'd tried to cheer him up...but-

…...

_-Come on Bro-Bro! Don't be down! I know just what we'll cheer you up! A new episode of Duck-tective!"_

_Shouted Mabel excitedly as she turns on the TV. The familiar constable smiled. "We'll old friend, it seems you've 'quaked-_

_**WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU THIS BREAKING NEWS BULLETINE!**_

"_We've just received word that yet another desolated SHEILD base was found overrun and it's occupants slaughtered by HYDRA-_

"_OOP! Let's forget we saw that!" Shouted Mabel while desperately keeping her stepford smile in place for her brothers sake while she quickly changed channels._

_A woman stared at another woman and shook her head. "Girl! Why You Ackin' So Cray-_

_**BOOM!**_

_The wall behind them exploded, revealing a demonic black knight. "You've been canceled!" It shouts as it decapitates __Sassica._

_Dipper paled. "I recognize him! Phil showed me some of the index! He's supposed to be in the FRIDGE!...Oh no! That must mean it's been compromised! That means all of the worlds most dangerous, paranormal criminal are-_

_OKAY! LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE IS ON! Interrupted Mabel frantically as she flips through the channels._

_**BZZT!**_

_-Now that SHEILDS gone; every Wannabe Tyrant and Would-Be Dictator is crawling out of the woodwork-_

_**BZZT!**_

_-That Mothman killed all those kids! And 10 of our best cops! We just don't have the experience to deal with this sort of stuff like SHIELD-_

_**BZZT!**_

_-A massive fire fight broke out between South and North Korea today, as an ancient alien ship was discovered inbetween their borders and accidentally activated. Releasing a 'zombie plague'. It seems that the ship was only never discovered before thanks to SHIELD-_

_**BZZT!**_

_-With the SHEILD quarantine gone; strange monsters and 'Pyramid men' have been running wild and slaughtering hundreds in the Providences surrounding SILENT HILL-_

_**BZZT!**_

_-The manhunt for Phil Coulson continues-_

_**SMASH!**_

_Mabel panted over the remains of the smashed TV. "Forget TV! It rots your brain! Let's go outside!" Shouts Mabel as she practically shoves Dipper outside._

_Mabel smiles. "AH! This is more like it! The lovely breeze! Wonderful sunshine! Fresh air! Oh, look! Someone's shooting fire works!" She shouts as she points to a lone firework streaking across the sky-_

_**BOOM!**_

_ATTENTION GREAT SATAN! YOUR 'SHIELD' ATTACK DOGS HAVE FALLEN BY THEIR OWN ARROGENCE AND DECADENCE! Shouts the giant hologram in the sky that materialized from the 'firecracker'. WE; THE TEN RINGS OF TERROR SHALL-_

_OH COME ON! THAT DOSEN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! Shouts an irritated Mabel!_

…_..._

Mabel was brought out of her thoughts when Sheriff Blubs walked up to her. "What's the problem officer? Did you catch my face going ninety smiles per hour?" Blubs shook his head. "I've gotten complaints about the loudest party in town." Mabel smiled coyly "Let me guess; you want in?" Blubs sighed. "Under different circumstances I'd say yes...but no!" Shouted Blubs more to himself than anyone else. "I have to be strong for Durland!"

Blubs explains how after the Gideon fiasco...Phil tore into them; gave them the mother of all 'reasons you suck speech'. He then uses one of Tremblys crazy laws to try and get them fired. It didn't pan out with Blubs...Durland on the other hand...

Blubs begged and pleaded for Phil to reconsider; he even went as far to offer to resign in exchange for Durland being allowed back...Eventually, Phil made him a deal: He'd give him one year to 'shape up' and to teach Durland to be a real policeman...And if the results are satisfactory...he 'might' consider letting Durland come back.

-"So I'm sorry little Missy, but this party is over!" Mabel groaned...She didn't like doing this...But Dipper needed this party! "You do realize I'm the girl you let Gideon shoot, right?" Blubs paled...then gave a resigned sighed. "I guess I do owe you, don't I?" Mabel also sighs. "Look if Phil asks, I'll say your doing great!" Offers Mabel sincerely. Blubs smiled. "Thank you." Mabel gives him a cake and goodie bag and sends him on his way. She then frowns. Speaking of Dipper...where was he?

…...

-"And you're certain this "journal" will help our case?" Asked Agent Powers over the phone. "I'm a hundred percent positive." Affirms Dipper confidently. "Very well. We're on our way."

Now in a different universe a slightly more naive Dipper would at this point have been caught by Stan. As in his (somewhat) understandable excitement over the prospect of finally being taken seriously and finally getting the resources he needs to finally figure out the 'big secrets' of Gravity Falls; the 'other' Dipper stayed in Stan's room to immediately make the call...This was not that universe...and this Dipper wasn't anything like that other Dipper.

It was a war-weary, battle hardened Dipper that had immediately ran from his uncles room the instant he got the number and made the call from a more secure location. And Dipper trembled as he ended the call...not out of excitement...but cold certainty of what he had to do. He quickly walked to the rendezvous point in the middle of the woods...

…...

Dipper smiled as the agents approached. "Guys, I'm so glad to see you. Working together we can crack the all of the big questions of Gravity Falls!"

Agent Powers smirked. "Or you could give just come with us; with the journal and not get shot." Said powers as he and Trigger pulled out their guns-

**ZAP!**

Both agents fell over, and Wendy and Soos walked out of the bushes both armed with smoking 'Night-Night' guns. Wendy reached into one of their pockets. She pulled out a com-link with a familiar insignia on it. "Yep, these guys are HYDRA alright."

Dipper smiled. "Alright, tie them up. Take all their stuff. Then take them to the basement and find out what they know. Meanwhile, I'll loot their car."

"Great plan! I almost feel bad for ruining it!" Everyone turned around and paled. Before them stood a mechanically enhanced Garret!

…...

Mabel took to the stage. "What do you say guys is this party legendary? When I say "Mabel" you say "Pines"!" She stopped mid-sentence when the ground began to shake. Everyone screamed and ran away.

Mabel turns around just in time to see Dipper, Wendy, and Soos running from the woods covered in weird gunk and carrying guns. "Guys, what's going on here!?" Demanded Mabel. Dipper panted. "Long story short: Garrets back, Phil almost killed him with the 084. But he ducked at the last second. Now he's here, he's insane, and is now some sort of super cyborg!"

Mabel's eyes widened. "Wait, what about the earthquake?" She asked. Dipper winched in embarrassment. "Right...Well, in my panic...I may have accidentally Summoned an army of the undead." "WHAT!?" Exclaimed Mabel. "But the good news is that they seemed to consider Garret the bigger threat, because they were focusing exclusively on him!...The bad news is that last we saw them; Garret was ripping through them like a hot knife through butter...so we don't have a whole lot of time!

Quickly they grabbed Stan and jumped into his car and gunned it! While they rode away Dipper poured through the journal trying to find something, anything that could use! Thanks to Soos nervously fiddling with a rave disco ball, they realized the journal was full of invisible writing. However, before Dipper could do anything with this discovery-

**CRASH!**

The car was knocked off the road! Garret ripped off the car roof. "HERE'S JOHNNY!" Shouts Garret while he laughs maniacally. "There's a reason they say 'cut off the head'. With this new body and that little journal of your's; I'll be unstoppable-

**BOOM!**

The Mystery Shack gang gaped as Garret was disintegrated. They looked and saw someone approach. Nick Fury blew off a puff of smoke from the barrel of the 084. "You guys alright?" He asks as he reaches in to give them a hand-

**SMACK!**

_Yep, he's definitely Phil's kid_. Thinks fury to himself after Dipper smacks him across the face "How could you do that to Phil!? Do you have any idea what he went through because of TAHITI!?" Fury groans as he begins to explain the same things he told to Phil...

…...

Meanwhile, Trigger and Powers having woken up were making their escape. They tried to reach their car, but quickly ran off when they saw some SHEILD agents taking it away.

Trigger panted. "That was insane! I've never seen anything like it! How do we report this?" "I've got an idea." Says a voice from behind. Suddenly, the two agents found themselves surrounded by numerous HYDRA Soldiers, all pointing their guns at them.

Commander Deathshead stepped from the shadows. "I was thinking along the lines: Whitehall, your attempted interference with Lord Kroenen's affairs in Gravity Fall's shall no longer be tolerated. And any more action will be dealt with brutally."

He turns to the two frightened agents. "We'll? What are you waiting for? A kiss on the cheek? Go deliver the message!"

The agents didn't need to be told twice! They ran like the devil himself was after them...and they weren't too far off the mark.

Deathshead makes a dramatic show of scratching his chin as if in deep thought. He turns to his best sniper's. "Remind me again; how many men dose it take to deliver a message?" He says with a smirk. The sniper smirks back as he aims for one of the two fleeing forms. "one."

**BANG!**

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Alright everyone! Here's what you've all been waiting for: Next up: "Into the Bunker!" If you haven't already figured out that things are going to be much different than cannon...Then you've no one to blame but yourself!**

**You musn't be afraid to review a bit bigger**


	39. Chapter 39

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 39

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper groaned as he and the others dragged themselves out of the authors underground bunker. Now Dipper had known that odds were high that his plan to "go into the authors secret lair to find something, anything to help Phil", would be anything BUT simple...Still, even he was amazed how horribly things derailed-

…...

_-"Oh, I'll let you out Dipper, as soon as you tell Wendy that thing you've been wanting to tell her! You'll thank me for-_

_MABEL! Interrupted Dipper Suddenly. "Do you realize you just split up the party in a creepy, unknown, possibly dangerous location!"_

_Mabel just looks at the door confused...Suddenly her eye's widened in horror at the realization that she just broke one of the worst horror movie taboos! "GAH! WHAT HAVE I DONE!?" Screamed Mabel as she frantically clawed at the opening mechanism in a fit of panic._

_Dipper sighed. "Mabel just calm down, all you need to do is let us o-_

_**CRACK!**_

_There was a long, pregnant pause..."Mabel, did you just break the opening mechanism?" Said Dipper in a surprisingly tranquil, resigned way. Mabel looked at the broken mechanism that had just snapped off in her hands. "No." She lied lamely._

_There was another long, pregnant pause..."You realize that if we get out of here, were murdering you right?" Said Wendy flatly. Mabel hung her head in shame. "Understood." She said submissively._

_Soos looked at the door curiously. "I think I can fix this...But it'll take at least an hour-_

_**BOOM!**_

_Everyone feel to the floor as the bunker shook. "What is it!? What's going on!?" Demanded Dipper. Soos looks at one of the monitors...and goes deathly pale at the sight of a bunch of armed men trying to force their way into the bunker...worse, they were wearing an all too familiar insignia. HYDRA! Screamed Soos. _

…...

Yep, somehow HYDRA had followed them to the bunker. Not having a lot of choice...they split up to find an exit...To be honest Dipper hadn't been too surprised to run into a monster shortly after that...The shape-shifting on the other hand-

"_It's me, boy! The Author!" Shouts the mysterious man. Now in another universe a more easily excitable and naive Dipper would have eagerly snapped it up...A Dipper that had faced the manipulations of the likes of John Garret on the other hand-_

"_Prove it!" Demanded Dipper. The man blanched. "Uh...I'm a six-fingered nerd?" He guessed. Wendy and Dipper fired their guns as one-_

…_..._

The good news was that HYDRA and the Shape-Shifter perceived each other as the bigger threat, so they mainly focused on each other. They were pretty evenly matched. True HYDRA had it outnumbered and outgunned. But the Shape-Shifter had it's powers, the strength of a dozen men, and an intimate knowledge of the bunker that the soldiers lacked.

While, they fought. The Mystery Shack gang quickly took advantage of this to try and escape...Sadly, they forgot to take into account the effect such a large battle would have on a structure that hadn't been all that sound to begin with-

…...

_**BOOM!**_

_The bunker was collapsing left and right! Dipper being briefly separated from Wendy...Finds her again...on the ground...unmoving. "__Wendy! No, no, no-no-no! Can you hear me? Oh, please be okay, please be okay!" He shakes her...but gets no response. "Oh no, oh no! This is all my fault! I brought you here!... and I never even got to tell you I'm, like—In love with you, Wendy!" Dipper tears up and buries his face._

"_Dipper that's not me!" Shouts Wendy behind him, shotgun still clutched in hand. Thanks to reflex training Phil had insisted on Dipper was quick to jump away as the shape-shifter revealed himself. "Give me that Journal!" It screams as it jumps at them-_

**_BOOM!_**

_The bunker then chooses this time to collapse completely-_

…_..._

Thankfully they escaped just in the nick of time, and the soldiers and the beasts were buried beneath all that rubble...not the ideal way to get ride of an enemy...But for now it was the best they could do...

_All that pain and suffering...for nothing!...and now...now Wendy knows!_ Thinks a mortified Dipper to himself. Sensing the atmosphere, Soos and Mabel were quick to leave...Now it was just Dipper and Wendy. Both of them sit on a log.

Dipper sighed. "Look, Wendy, about earlier. In the heat of the moment, I might have said said some dumb things, and can't we pretend none of that ever happened? Please?"

"Dude, dude. It's okay. I always kinda knew." Said Wendy in a reassuring manner. Dipper double-taked "Wait, you did?" He asked surprised.

Wendy couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah man, you think I can't hear that stuff you're constantly whispering under your breath?" Dipper groans. "Oh, man!"

Wendy puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Listen Dipper, I'm like, super flattered, but...I'm too old for you. I mean, you know that, right?"

Dipper groans again. "Mabel said confessing would make me feel better." Wendy keeps giving him a reassuring smile. "Well, how do you feel?"

**ZAP!**

Pain, that's what Dipper felt! And so did Wendy! Both fell to the ground in agony. Several HYDRA soldiers swarmed the area. The commander shook his head. "What do they teach in schools these days? Obviously, we'd leave a small platoon outside to secure the perimeter/cover our escape route!" "JA! That's like basic tactics 101!" Exclaimed one of the soldiers as they loaded up the now unconscious kids and drove away...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELTS EVERYONE! It's going to be a bumpy ride! Next chapter I truly earn this story's 'M' rating! I'm talking so Dark, you'll need night vision!**

…**Well! See you the week after next!...Yes, you may flame me now.**


	40. Chapter 40

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 40

**Warning! This chapter will get messed up! Here, I earn the 'M' rating. You've been warned!**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

General Talbot was busy with his usual mountain of paperwork, which seemed to be growing more and more each day. Suddenly his phone rang. "Either give me good news, or shut up." Answered Talbot.

"No good news, but I hope you'll indulge me anyway." Said a clearly distorted electronic voice. Talbot suddenly tensed up. "Who is this?" He demanded, while signaling his secretary to trace the call.

"All you need to know is that I represent Hydra. And that we have a message we wish to pass to Mr. Coulson."

Talbot sighs. "Contrary to what I tell my superiors, I don't find Phil. He contacts me."

The voice on the other end chuckles. "Sadly, that still makes you more in touch with him then we are. When he contacts you next. Give him this." His computer dinged as a picture was displayed on it.

Now Talbot was a decorated seasoned-veteran, he'd been in several war-zones all up and down the world...Seen his fair share of gruesome sights...But he wasn't ashamed to admit later that the sight of that kids horrifically mutilated body made him vomit...

…**.Several hours earlier...**

Dr. Daniel Whitehall(AKA Werner Reinhart) looked at the monitor displaying the far-away bunker where his 'guests' were stashed with triumph. This Pines boy had lead him on a merry chase...but now he was finally in his grasp...And if that weren't grand enough; two little bonuses had made themselves known: A chance to be rid of that blasted Coulson...And that Corduroy girl.

He smirked. He hadn't believed his luck! His men had grabbed her simply as a possible other hostage...but if the D.N.A. analysis was to be believed...After 15 years...He had an opportunity to redeem his greatest failure...

…...

Dipper and Wendy woke up when they felt their necks being pricked. Dr. Tyrone Rugen gave them a once over. "Good, your both awake...Now we can begin"

It took them a few seconds but both kids remembered what had happened. The bunker...the log...the pain.

Dipper was the first to shake off his stupor, he then glared at his captors. "I don't know what you hope to accomplish with this...Phil will come for us!"

Rugen smirked. "I would hope so...we did let your sister and oafish friend escape to tell him after all."

Dipper looked at him uncomprehending...Then paled as he realized what he meant. "This is a trap."

Rugen nodded. "Yes, Mr. Coulson has caused my employer quite a bit of strife...and what better bait than the man's own son."

Dipper looked like he'd been struck. "What are you- Not wanting a big debate Rugen simply showed him the computer tablet that showed the D.N.A. swab they took from him matching the D.N.A. profile of Phil that was stolen from SHEILD databanks when it fell.

Dipper couldn't believe his eyes. "Phil...is my dad?" Dipper didn't know how to feel about this...

Rugen chuckled. "You'd have been amazed at the theories we came up with to explain why Phil was interested in you before we saw this...ranging from 'unregistered gifted' to 'prophecised child'...I'm starting to think that a main problem for people in our line of work is that we focus too much on the spectacular...While often ignoring simple explanations."

He then gave a dismissive hand wave. "But enough of that. The ideal way for Mr. Coulson to come at us is 'angry and stupid'...And to get him that way I'm afraid will require a sacrifice on your part."

As he said this a bunch of men wheeled in numerous objects of torture. Both Wendy and Dipper paled. "You...your going to torture us?" Said Wendy in disbelieving horror.

Rugen smiled. "Oh not just torture! Thanks to this special health elixir we've recently developed- He shows them a syringe with a weird green liquid inside. "-I can now break your bodies beyond recognition, restore them completely. Then break you again!" He laughs as the two kids faces become even paler.

"Or at least that was the original plan...but after my men told me how brutally you got your heart smashed to pieces. I think I'll give you a break and only torture Wendy...for now."

This sudden change in topic completely threw them. "Wait, what?" Asked an incredulous Dipper. Rugen shrugged. "Well, yeah. We've all been there my boy...And really a picture of the brutally mutilated body of the girl his boy fancied(coupled with a message that promises the same will happen to said boy soon enough) should be more than enough to get the response we want. So just sit back, relax, and enjoy every guy's fantasy(or at least my fantasy) of watching the bitch who broke their heart be vivisected!"

He turns to his men. "Start the pokers, scrappers, and gougers!" Multiple men surrounded her and slowly approached her from all sides

Wendy had already wet herself, she begged and pleaded...But this just seemed to excite her future tormentors further.

Dipper was also pleading. "Don't do this! Please!" Rugen shrugged. "Sorry my boy, but someone needs to be tortured. And you two are the only one's here."

Dipper thought about that as he looked over to the crying face of the best thing to ever come into his life...And he immediately knew what to do...

"Then torture me!" Everyone stopped what they were doing, the torture devices mere centimeters away from Wendy's body. Everyone stared at Dipper as if he'd grown a second head. You could hear a pin drop.

Rugen chuckled incredulously. "your not serious- You do realize this is the girl that broke your heart not more than a couple hours ago?

Dipper glared at him. "I don't care! Even if she never feels the same way...I still love her...

Wendy looked at him in disbelief. "I...Dipper..." She didn't know what to say...What could she say?

Rugen laughs. "Alright! Whatever! Looks like we got a hero here boys!" He motions to his men who then grab Wendy, hold her down and force her to look at Dipper.

Rugen smirks at her. "I want you see everything we do to him...And I want you to see everything that 'could've' happened to you if the boy who's heart you stomped on hadn't 'taken the bullet' for you...in other words...I want you to feel like crap." He pats her on the head. "Enjoy."

**(music starts)**

While Wendy begged and pleaded for them to not do this, Rugen approached the now very terrified(yet still resolute) Dipper. "Alright, let's start with something simple and classic-

Wendy screamed as she watched helplessly as her 12 year-old best friend...was waterboarded...

**I'm gonna wake up, yes and no  
I'm gonna kiss some part of  
I'm gonna keep this secret  
I'm gonna close my body now**

"Alright, he's stretched enough." Said Rugen as Dipper whimpered at the last turn of the rack. "Right, bring in the 'cat-'O'-Nine tails! Let's break his back on the rack!" he rhymed sinisterly...

**I guess, die another day  
I guess, die another day  
I guess, die another day  
I guess, die another day**

CRUNCH! GAH! Cried Dipper as his feet were smashed by sledge hammers. Rugen nodded. "Okay 7th times the charm boy." He points to a treadmill. "Remember if you collapse before running at least 5 minutes; well heal/smash your feet again..and again and again and AGAIN!" Shouted Rugen with a laugh...

**I guess I'll die another day  
(Another day)  
I guess I'll die another day  
(Another day)  
I guess I'll die another day  
(Another day)  
I guess I'll die another day**

Dipper chocked on his own blood a short while after his heart was ripped out...for the third time...

Rugen shrugged as he injected the health elixir, causing Dippers heart to grow back completely. "I'm getting bored...let's try the kidneys next!"...

**Sigmund Freud  
Analyze this  
Analyze this  
Analyze this**

Dipper blubbered like a baby as they drilled holes in his body. Rugen chuckled. "You think this is bad wait until we pour these bad boys down the holes." He says as he holds up a vial of sulfuric acid. Dipper once more fainted, only to once more be forced awake by extra-strength smelling salts...

**I'm gonna break the cycle  
I'm gonna shake up the system  
I'm gonna destroy my ego  
I'm gonna close my body now**

Rugen waited for the elixir to once more revive Dipper. "You'd think that after successfully drowning a person 10 times in a cesspit; this would get boring...But no! It's still freaking hilarious! Throw him in again!"...

**Uh, uh**

Dipper vomited his guts out as he was slowly steamrolled from the feet up...again...

**I think I'll find another way  
There's so much more to know  
I guess I'll die another day  
It's not my time to go**

Dipper gaged as a tube was shoved down his throat...it only got worse when he felt his stomach burst open as a dozen rats ate their way through from the inside. Rugen smirked as he cleared the rats away and healed his stomach. "Right, next on the menu...Africanized Bees!"...

**For every sin, I'll have to pay  
I've come to work, I've come to play  
I think I'll find another way  
It's not my time to go**

Despite knowing the futility of it, he still begged for mercy as they once more put him inside a slow-oven...

**I'm gonna avoid the cliche  
I'm gonna suspend my senses  
I'm gonna delay my pleasure  
I'm gonna close my body now**

Dipper cried out as he once more got hit by a cattle prod! His tormentors laughed. "Can't you dodge faster, boy?" They mocked.

Dipper glares at him. "You know dawm well I can't, you freaking psychopath! You fucking nailed my feet to the floor!"

They just laughed as they switched from cattle-prods to brass knuckles...

**I guess, die another day  
I guess I'll die another day  
I guess, die another day  
I guess I'll die another day**

Dipper screamed as his testicles were ripped off...again. "OPEN WIDE!" Shouted Rugen as he shoved Dippers Dick and Balls down his throat...again!...

**I think I'll find another way  
There's so much more to know  
I guess I'll die another day  
It's not my time to go**

"Heave-ho boys!" Shouted Rugen as they once more tossed Dipper naked into a pit...which they then dumped several dozens tons of fire ants on him.

Dipper screamed as they all bit at once. He continued to scream as he felt them crawl up every orifice: his mouth, his nose, his ears, his eyes, his ass-hole, his pee-hole, everything...

**Uh, uh**

GAH! Cried Dipper as they used a hammer to drive the Extra-Large Fire Cracker further up his ass. Rugen laughed. "Make a wish." He mocked as he lit the fuse...

**I guess, die another day  
I guess I'll die another day  
I guess, die another day  
I guess I'll die another day**

Dipper cried as his skin was ripped off, right before he was tossed into the large pile of salt...

**Another day **

**Another day **

**Another day **

**Another day **

**Another day **

**Another day!**

…...

ZAP! Rugen smiled at the gun he just used to erase a portion of Dippers memory. "Bloody useful this is...explain to me again why we don't have more of these?" His technician sighed. "We only have this one that we stole and it's booby-trapped to destroy it if we analyze it-"

Dipper groaned he didn't know how long they'd been at this...but apparently he'd gone stark raving mad several times...which is when they erased the torture from his mind...Not all of it, unfortunately. They deliberately eliminated only the minimal amount needed to restore his sanity-

"Right! Bring out the mouse and spoon!" Shouted Rugen. Dipper moaned as he was dragged away for further torture...

…...

Whitehall frowned. Results had been...mixed. On the one hand the trauma of watching Dipper take the torture that was meant for her had been what Wendy needed to activate. His men had been quick with the proper gene-suppressant. She was now 'dormant but active'. But Dipper...Despite everything, had not activated.

Whitehall frowned. They had deliberately made the bunker hard to find so Coulson wouldn't get suspicious of a trap(or at least more suspicious anyway)...Still, they'd left an obscure, almost non-existent 'bread crumb' trail...which he'd just been informed had now been 3/4th's picked clean...so time was running low.

Perhaps A different tactic was in order? He quickly calls Rugen...

…...

It should come to no one's surprise that Wendy now felt like crap...well, no that wasn't completely right...she felt like crap the first hour...Now she felt **worse **than crap.

Wendy had long gone hoarse from begging, pleading, cursing. Her eyes hurt from being tapped open for so long and non-stop crying. Dipper might not remember the majority of the torture...But she did...She'd probably remember it the rest of her life-

Suddenly, Rugen threw a naked Dipper in front of her. "Right, let's take a break for a moment." Dipper and Wendy both let out a sigh of relief.

"During this I'd like to ask you something that's been bugging me." Said Rugen to Dipper. "How can you stand living with a wang that small?" He asked with mocking mirth.

Despite the situation Dipper couldn't help but blush and cover himself. "Well, that's a weird way to kick me while I'm down." He admitted.

"Just playing a game." Said Rugen. "In fact, better yet. Why don't we ask Wendy's opinion?"

Wendy looked at him in incredulous horror. "Yeah, that's not happening." She said firmly.

Rugen shrugged. "Don't want to play? Fine, we'll just go back to torturing Dipper." He says as he lifts Dipper by the scruff of his neck.

"Wha- Seriously!? Your gonna make me do this!?" Shouted Wendy in horrified disbelief.

Dipper groaned. "Look, it's fine Wendy...I'll take humiliation over torture any day."

Wendy frowns, but nods. At that moment Rugen straps a weird helmet to her. "Tell a lie and this bad boy will shock you." "(sigh) of course it will." Said a resigned Wendy.

She flushes at the sight of a forcibly uncovered Dipper. "Uh...I guess he's below average." She said flatly.

Rugen shook his head. "Boring! Girl, you'd best keep my interest if you want to keep your friend off the rack!"

Dipper sighed. "Wendy, it's fine. After everything I've experienced today. I can honestly say there's nothing you can say that can hurt me." Said Dipper pointly.

Wendy still looked uncomfortable, but seeing Rugen reach toward his butcher knives made her realize she had no choice.

"Well, okay...if your sure." She takes a deep breath. "Dipper...the first time I saw your Junk... She trailed off.

"Go on." Urged Rugen as he gave a light zap to Dipper. "Okay! Okay! I'm doing it!...The first time I saw your junk...I thought 'yikes, I've never seen a more comically, abnormally miniscule set of genitals'...I had to almost bite my tongue off keeping myself from laughing." She admited.

Dipper tried(and failed miserably) to not look devastated and cry. "Okay(sniff)...That(sob)...Was fine! (sniff)Didn't hurt at all!" Lied Dipper lamely.

Rugen laughed. "Keep them coming girl, you don't want me to get bored." He says while turning on a bloodied power drill for emphasis.

Wendy groaned. She hated this!...but it was better than the alternative. "Okay...I've seen babies with more meat on them than you...at one month old...My baby brothers were way bigger than you, they were average for that age...your just way smaller...their on another whole other league then you...It's not even a contest."

Dipper completely gave up on trying to look tough...he was in complete tears now. Rugen meanwhile laughed and laughed.

Wendy winched. She didn't think it possible, but she felt even worse now...still every second she kept this bastard entertained was another second Dipper wasn't being mutilated...That was a good trade-off...right?

She sighed as she began again. "You not only have no girth...You somehow have negative girth...I often wonder how it's physically possible for a guy with a wang that small to pee...I'm not the only one...Me, Soos, Mabel, Stan, Phil, and the rest of his team are really concerned...we looked it up...and it's not medically or physically possible for a healthy guy of...Well, any age to have to have a wang as...Well as half as small as what yours is...never mind how small it actually is...we were seriously considering tricking you into having a medical examination just to figure out...figure out what's wrong...what's wrong with you." She finished mortified.

Dipper was now sobbing uncontrollably and curled up in a troubled fetal position. While Rugen just laughed and laughed.

(snort) We'll I guess we've solved the mystery of why she dumped you! Like a girl like that would ever love a scrawny, little thing like you!"

This was the proverbial straw on Wendy's proverbial camel's back. She wheeled toward Rugen angrily.

WILL YOU SHUT THE FRACK UP!? YOU FRACKING BASTARD! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING! I NEVER CARED ABOUT THAT! I LOVE DIPPER FOR WHO HE IS!

You could hear a pin drop. Wendy turned scarlet over what she just revealed. "Y-you...you love me?" Asks Dipper in disbelief.

Wendy flustered then sighed in defeat. "Yes Dipper...I do...I love you...How could I not? Your brave, clever, adventurous, loyal, dependable, compassionate, I have more fun with you than anyone else! I'd have to be a fool not to love you!" She admitted.

Dipper looked at her bewildered. "Wait, I don't get it. If you love me...why did you turn me down when I confessed?" He asked confused.

Wendy groaned. "Dipper, I love you...But that doesn't change the fact that there **is **an age gap between us! That's not something we can just ignore! Not to mention your only here for the summer...how could we make that work? Besides..." Wendy trailed off at what she was about to reveal, but she steeled herself and continued on.

"Look Dipper...there are two types of guys a girl dates...One is the type you have 'fun' with, but they also fizzle out quickly...Then there's the 'all or nothing' guys. The one's your in for the long-haul, serious relationships...Maybe even marriage...That's who you are Dipper."

Dipper was astonished! Wendy...thought he was someone she could one day marry?...That was awesome! That...

Dipper frowned. "Wait...that's a good thing right?" Wendy sighed. "For you, yes. For me...(sigh)Dipper I'm not ready for a serious relationship! I act calm, but I'm like super-stressed all the time! Have you met my family?! Also I've had like a dozen relationships...Which I totally jacked all up! One I jacked so badly I forgot to brake up with him! Seriously who dose that!? Me! That's who!"

Wendy was seriously crying now! "Dipper if we got into a relationship...and I messed it up...and I lost you as a friend...I'd never forgive myself! I'd throw myself into the bottomless pit if that happened!"

Dipper didn't know what to say. "Wendy...I...

Suddenly they heard enthusiastic clapping. They both groaned. They got so caught up in each other they completely forgot about their 'audience.'

"Well, that was beautiful." Said Rugen with a chuckle. Then a thought seemed to occur to him, that made him smile even more evilly.

"You know what would make the day complete? If our 'hero'- He gestures toward Dipper -Got a well deserved reward for his duty, and enjoyed it."

He snapped his fingers. Suddenly his men were holding Wendy down and tearing off her clothes. "Hey what are you doing!?" Demanded Dipper.

Rugen chuckled. "Why preparing your reward of course." He points to a now naked Wendy. "Enjoy." He said with a smirk.

Dipper looked at him in horror. "What...No! Are you crazy!? I'd never-

**click**

Dipper looked at the gun now pointed at Wendy's head. "Either you blow her or I will." Said Rugen firmly.

Needless to say both kids were in tears now. "I'm sorry." said Dipper. "I know." Said Wendy. "If there was any other way- "I know." "I love you." "I love you to-

**BANG!  
GAH!**

Wendy screamed as she was shot in the leg. "Are we done with the soap opera?" Asked an impatient Rugen.

Dipper wasn't listening. He was staring at where Wendy was hurt...seeing her cry in pain...Deep within Dipper...Something awoke...

…...

Whitehall smiled. "Yes! Now Dipper has activated at well!" He smiled as Dipper was quickly covered with darts filled gene-suppressant...But his face turned into horrified confusion when the darts did nothing...well except make him madder that is.

"I don't understand! That should have worked!" He tried to call Rugen...but he was already dead...And he wouldn't be the last...

…...

When Coulson found the bunker...it was in ruins...and the only things alive was a naked, crying teenager hugging a naked, crying, blood covered boy sitting on top of a giant pile of corpses...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Now I know what your thinking: Why this horrible chapter? Answer: I wanted an original way for Dipper and Wendy to start their relationship that's never been tried before.**

**Yep, you heard me right. I basically created this snuf chapter for no other reason than to indulge my shipping habits...Yes I do have a messed up mind, what of it?**

**Bring on the flames, I regret nothing!**


	41. Chapter 41

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 41

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

It was a long, silent trip back to the Mystery Shack. After getting Wendy and Dipper something to eat and putting them to bed. Phil got to talking to Stan. "I think it would be best if I take the kids with me." He states simply. Stan Pines did not look well...he looked every day his age and then some...he hated the idea of losing touch with the only family he had left...But he knew it was for the best. He just nods and leaves.

Fitz walks up to Phil. "Talk to me Fitz." Said Phil without turning around. Fitz tried to pull herself together. To ascertain Wendy and Dipper's health...she'd been watching Rugen's 'home movies'...watching them had put her past the limits of her endurance...and her tears and bile.

"Uh...yes...well...I can't comment emotionally...But physically they'll be fine...Also the 'memory gun' was smashed beyond all attempts to salvage it I'm afraid...

Fitz stopped talking and stood there. Phil sighed. "What else, Fitz?" Asked a perceptive Phil. Fitz frowned. "Uh, sir. Maybe we should wait until tomorrow when your rested and-

"Fitz. Tell me now." Said Phil flatly in a tone that would broker no argument. Fitz groaned. "Well...we secured a sample of the...The 'healing elixir'...And it dose have amazing healing properties...But...

She sighed. "Sir, this stuff should only be used sparingly...using too much to heal too much at once can kill a normal person-

"But Dipper's fine!" Pointed out Phil confused and irritated. Fitz winched...but steeled herself knowing that what she was going to say next was...well...

"Yes...as I said it would've killed a 'normal' person...

…...

Meanwhile...Deep below the Mystery Shack...in the sewers...A man used a mystically enhanced ear crumpet to hear what the occupants of the house above were saying. His eyes widened suddenly. "Lord Kroenen must be warned!" He shouts to himself as he runs through the sewer...

…...

Whitehall was furious! How could this have happened? That Gene-suppressant was designed specifically to counteract that Bloodline! It should have worked! How-

**ding**

Whithall turned to his computer. It had completed it's analysis of all the data gathered during Dipper's torture and the disastrous aftermath. His eyes widened. _Can it be?..._

He quickly brings up all the data stolen from SHEILD after it's fall...specifically Phil Coulson's file...it took an hour or so running it through numerous decryption software's...but he finally found it.

_Ah, Nick Fury...you sly magnificent bastard...Wunderbar..._

Whitehall brings up a picture of Dipper Pines. Capturing this boy was now just as important as learning the secrets of the Obelisk...if his suspicions were correct about both...with them together...he'd be unstoppable.

He then brings up a picture of Wendy. And if he played his cards right he might just kill two birds with one stone; there were many people who'd be very interested to learn about this girls existence, also-

SIR! Shouted Sunil Bakshi as he ran into the room. "We have a situation!" He shows him an image on his computer tablet. Whitehall's eyes widened. Fifty of his most strategically important bases...destroyed...all personal dead...their blood used to write the same message...

**I WARNED YOU WHITEHALL, STAY OUT OF GRAVITY FALLS**

Whitehall smashed the tablet in his hand._ Kroenen. _He cursed inwardly...

…...

Phil sighed as he paced back and forth in front of both groups, including a very quite Dipper, and an equally quiet Wendy who was being comforted by her dad.

"Right...so obviously you and Mabel can't stay in Gravity Falls anymore." Stated Phil simply. Dipper still said nothing. Phil continued on. "I blame myself for this, I wanted to keep you out of this conflict as much as possible...But I guess that was just wishful thinking."

He turns to Dipper. "We have a good idea what happened to you down in the bunker and why HYDRA was interested in you, Fitz will explain to you in more detail later if you like."

He then turns to Wendy. "Right...I'm sorry to tell you this- "HYDRA's interested in me too, aren't they?" Asked Wendy in a resigned way.

Phil nodded. "We don't know why. But what little data we could salvage from the ruins dose indicate that they were interested in you; yes."

Manly Dan sighed. "And you'll probably want us to come too won't you?" Phil sighed. "I'm sorry, but I think that would be best."

Dan nods. "I'll go call my boys, we'll be ready to go whenever your ready." He gives Wendy one last hug then walks off. As he passes by Dipper he turns to him. "Thank you for everything, my boy." Despite the situation. Dipper couldn't help but smile and politely thank him back.

Dan nods, then he quickly leans over to him and whispers: "Wendy'll never admit this; but she's always had her eye on the engagement ring I gave her mother. Which I keep buried under the old oak tree near our house...just thought you'd want to know." He says with a knowing smirk.

Dipper turned scarlet. Was he seriously asking him to...

Wendy's eye's narrowed at his reaction. "Dad what did you just tell- "See you back here in an hour sweetie!" Interrupted Dan as he left the room.

After that, there was a long silence. "Well, I'll be prepping the BUS for liftoff...you two need anything else just call me." Says Phil as he turns to leave-

"Is it true?" Said Dipper suddenly. Phil stopped in his tracks. "Is what true?" Asked Phil despite having a good feeling what he meant.

Dipper took a deep breath "Are you my dad?" He asked finally. The room became deathly still. Lance Hunter quickly spoke up. "Right, anyone for coffee?" Needless to say most of the people in the room quickly took up his offer and left with him.

Mabel looked at Dipper in shock...then nervously laughs. "Phil...our Dad? Come on Dipper, I know it's been a rough day but-

"It's true." Said Phil. Mabel turned pale in shock. Dipper looked at him, the man he'd come to admire and respect more then anyone...the best friend he'd ever had(aside from Wendy)...and asked the question that's burned inside his soul since he was five-

"Why'd you leave me!?" Demanded Dipper tearfully. Phil gave him the most intense look he'd ever given.

"Dipper; let me make one thing very clear: I didn't know you or Mabel even existed until the beginning of summer during your mom's funeral and-

**WAIT, WHAT!? MOM'S FUNERAL!?**

Screamed Mabel and Dipper in horror. Phil's eye's go wide. "Wait, you didn't- He furiously turns around and glares at Stan. "You never told them!?" Screamed Phil.

Stan blanched ashamed. "I...I was waiting for the right time!...I kept putting it off...crazy thing kept happening!...And well...here we are." Admitted Stan awkwardly.

Mabel burst into tears and ran from the room. Sky and Wendy(having their own experience on the subject) instinctively ran after to comfort.

Phil groaned. He turned to Dipper. "Right...any chance you want to just call it a day?" Asked Phil hopefully.

Dipper sighed. "You've no idea how much I want to say yes." Admits an exhausted Dipper. "But no. I need to do this." He says firmly. Phil nods. "Fair enough." And so father and son have a long overdue talk...

…...

Mabel walked about listlessly throughout the Shack...her mom...her best friend...her bracelet buddy...the only other person who understood the importance of glitter...The person who gave her her first sweater...and the next dozen after that...The person who always cheered her on to find her one true love...The only person that actively encourage her silly destructive side...was gone.

**Thud**

She shook her head and looked around. It seemed she drifted into the place Phil had made his temporary office, she wandered right into the desk.

Mabel frowned. That was another thing to think about...Phil was there dad...She honestly didn't know what to feel about that...it just didn't seem real...plus the absence of a 'dad' never really bothered her...unlike Dipper.

Mabel chuckled. In hindsight it was obvious that the two were related...both had this weird fascination for crazy, weird, stupid stuff-

_Like writing weird stuff on the wall! Seriously who dose that? _Thought Mabel to herself as she looked at a bunch of weird carvings on the wall.

Mabel frowned. _Huh...That's weird...I'm sure I've never seen writing like this before...so why dose it look so familiar?... _

…...

-So you really don't mind I'm your dad?" Asked Phil curiously after many hours of intense discussion. Dipper thinks for a second then nods. "You know what?...yeah...I'm really fine with." Admits a surprised Dipper. "I know I shouldn't...But your the best thing that ever came into my life...I kinda already saw you as a father figure...And now that I've calmed down and actually thought it through...From what I know about you; it makes way more sense that you simply didn't know about me than that you abandoned me." He admits honestly...feeling more happy with each epiphany.

Phil couldn't help it he had to give him a hug. "Thank you." He whispered. Dipper nodded...then chuckled. "Wow...all these years I thought mom was just lying to protect my feelings...but she was telling the truth wasn't she? You really were 'off fulfilling a greater destiny' weren't you?" Asked Dipper in amazed realization.

Phil shook his head. "There's no greater destiny than being a parent, had I known about you guys...I never would have left your mom."

Dipper looked at him in shock. "But that would've meant not being an agent of SHEILD...meeting the avengers...saving the world...Becoming head of SHEILD."

Phil shook his head. "None of that is more important than being a parent." He said firmly.

Dipper continued to look at him in disbelief. "You would've given all that up...for us? Why?" Asked the bewildered boy.

Phil smiled. "Because your worth the effort Dipper." Said Phil with a smile.

After hearing the words that he's longed to hear his whole life...Dipper cried and hugged back-

**CRASH!**

They both turned to see Hunter smash down the door. Hunter awkwardly winces at the scene. "Okay, wow. I can see my timing is just as great as usual. Sorry, really am...But we have a situation."...

…...

Mabel just stared at all the new carvings...the carvings that **she **made. "I...I don't know what came over me...After I saw the carvings...I just **had** to copy them...It's like my mind took a back seat while my body took over." Explained an increasingly freaked out Mabel.

Phil went pale...that blood transfusion kit he'd had delivered to the HUB! He'd put his blood...blood filled with alien blood in Mabel!

_What have I done?_

…...

It was a somber group that walked out of Gravity Falls toward the Bus landing site...the mood was not helped by Mabel carving on every tree she walked by.

Dipper sighed as he turned to Wendy. "Okay, I'm just going to confess this while it's on my mind...it's kinda fuzzy...but there's a chance that during the torture...I may have tried to recant my decision and begged that you do it instead." Admited Dipper ashamed.

"Oh, you did. Multiple times." Admitted Wendy nonchalantly. Dipper look at her surprised. "Wait...your not mad? You don't think I'm a jerk?" He asked confused.

Wendy rolled her eyes. "Dipper, they were ripping out your freaking vital organs! I'm pretty sure if the situation was reversed I'd have tried selling you out!"

There was a chorus of 'same here' from the rest of the group. Wendy smiled. "See Dipper? Your weren't a jerk, you were just being human!"

Dipper smiled. "Thanks Wendy, I-

**SMACK!**

Dipper rubbed his nose after hitting...nothing? "Wait, what?" Asked a confused Dipper. It didn't take long for the group to realize that although Phil and his team could exit or enter gravity falls as they pleased...No one else could. The Mystery Shack Gang were trapped in Gravity Falls...by an invisible force field no less!

Sky groaned. "Can we not catch a break!?" She angrily declares. "Possibly, although that all depends on you."

Everyone turns around to see the source of the new voice. A man waving a white flag...with a HYDRA symbol emblazed on his jacket.

I am a representative of the Kroenen faction of HYDRA. I'm here to explain the necessity of the force field...and open up the possibility of an alliance against our mutual enemy: Bill Cipher."

"Right, I'm calling it a day! Be in the pub if you need me!" Said Hunter as he washed his hands of the whole scene and walked off...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	42. Chapter 42

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 42

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**BZZT!**

**From Gravity Falls' maximum security prison, it's****..."Li'l Gideon's Big House!"**

The scene cuts to Gideon with a prisoner orange suit. "Hi, I'm Li'l Gideon. I may be currently incarcerated-

The scene Guts to where Gideon claps with dozens of other prisoners. - "But I'm turnin' my life around by turnin' around the lives of those around me around."

The scene then cuts to where Gideon is holding a pillow with a page taped on it saying "MY ISSUES", a second prisoner is sitting next to him punching the pillow.

"Open your heart to your feelings!" The prisoner knocks the pillow down, the picture is frozen and a 'CURED' text appears on the paused picture.

Once more the scene Cuts away to where one of the prisoners draws a burning skull on a paper and a "AGAIN..." text is in the bottom of the drawing. Gideon is modeling for the prisoner's drawing.

"Let your dream light out!" The picture is paused and a text of "INSPIRED" appears. The scene again cuts away to a muscled prisoner lifting weights with Gideon on his shoulder.

"Oh, Killbone, you're getting so strong"... the picture is paused and a text of "RIPPED" appears. The scene finally Cuts back to Gideon with his prisoner orange suit and his second in command Ghost-Eyes.

"That's "Li'l Gideon's Big House", weekdays at six till I get out." "YOU BETTER LISTEN TO LI'L GIDEON!" Shouts Ghost Eyes as he punches a hole in the glass.

"Thank you Ghost-Eyes!" Says a grateful Gideon. "I'd do anything for you, dog." Says Ghost-Eye's as they fist bump.

There's a long, pregnant pause..."Huh, doesn't the Warden usually sound the alarm when you break something like that?" Asked a confused Gideon as he looks around.

Ghost-Eye's scratches his chin. "Yeah...Actually now that you mention it...I don't think I've seen any guards for awhile-

**CRASH!**

Gideon and Ghost-Eye's turn around just in time to see a bunch of commandos drop in before they and the rest of Gideon's gang are violently gunned down...then their heads are cut off...then their melted in acid...before being incinerated-

…...

Hunter looks at the monitor uncomfortable. He then turns top Phil. "Uh...Sir? Isn't this...overkill?" "Yes." Said Phil flatly . "I'm not taking anymore chances with this Dame town!" He said crossly.

Tripp shakes his head. "So the kid more-or-less spells out his intentions to form a gang, break out, and get revenge both in letters and in a TV shows...Man, what an idiot."

Nearby Dipper nods. "Yeah, like I'd ignore that...Seriously, what moron would ignore a clear and present threat to himself and his family?"

…...

Meanwhile, in another universe. A more naive and less proactive Dipper sneezed.

…...

Kronen watched from a nearby cliff as the commandos finished their work. In exchange for many things(including help with taking down whitehall and allowing Gideon's death). Phil had agreed to allow Mabel, Dipper, and Wendy(2 confirmed parts of the Cipher Wheel and 1 possible(yet still unconfirmed)) to stay in Gravity Falls. The force field surrounding Gravity Falls used vials of the Mystery Shack Gangs blood to keep all who wish them ill away(as well as using their genetic signature to keep them from leaving).

The 'alliance' notion was still being kicked around though...

He quickly ordered that a Gideon clone(preferably a frozen, crippled, blind, mute one) be made immediately. It wasn't ideal, but to keep two 'confirmed' he'd sacrifice one 'possible' and settle for second-rate...also, he'd be lying if that annoying twats death didn't bring a smile to his face...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Yes, Gideon is dead...he will not be missed...or coming back...**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	43. Chapter 43

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 43

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Give me some of that honey!-

**SMACK!**

**OW!**

"Mabel! Focus! Need I remind you about our 'time crunch'?" Asked Dipper firmly.

Mabel rubbed her head where Dipper bopped her. "No, I remember...kinda hard to forget about the possibly lethal alien blood that flows through me, when it makes me write chicken scratch 2 times a-

She pales as she realizes she's writing said 'chicken scratch'. "-Oh, my mistake! Apparently now it's **3** times a day!" She groused irritably. She then sighs. "Dipper, how do we know this laptop will have any information whatsoever about either of our...'conditions'?" She asked skeptically.

Dipper sighed. "Mabel, if you have a better idea; I'm all ears."

Mabel groaned. "No." She conceded depressingly. Things hadn't been great in the Pines household lately. Between Mabels 'writing' on the wall; and Dippers weird healing factor that seemed to make him stronger the more times he's pushed to the brink of death and survives...Which was great...except for the unfortunate side-effect of it causing him to go into an uncontrollable beserker-rage whenever he gets too pissed.

Just last week he almost beat Pacifica to death when she made Mabel cry at the Mini-golf course. Thankfully, the weird gold aura he sprouts when he did that; obscured his identity. So no one could pin it on him...Not too mention Dipper had been spending WAY more time with Wendy lately...Which was understandable considering what they both went through...But Mabel still felt lonely.

-On the plus side: even if this is a dead end; we'll just give the information to dad! He needs all the help he can get!" Exclaimed Dipper happily.

"Yeah, yeah that's great." Said Mabel halfheartedly. Once more feeling it best to not say anything about Phil...or even think about him...Well except how he meet mom...that was pretty romantic.

Back when he was a rookie he was sent to find the ringleader of a meth-ring that was somehow getting their hands on crylock venom.

He disguised himself as a buyer...only to be chloroformed and kidnapped by their mom. Apparently she was dragging addicts back to her basement and forcibly rehabilitating them(Which wasn't as bad as it sounded since they all had a great time there...usually).

To get her to untie him, he had to reveal he was with SHEILD...and agree to take her with him to end the ring...Which they did!...Also a Yeti smuggling ring...somehow...

They were a great team! And they had a wonderful relationship going...That is...until-

…...

_-"Wait, hold on." Said Dipper as he interrupted Phil's story to start crunching numbers. "-Add that...Subtract mine and Mabel's age...factor in Mom's-" He looked at his findings in disbelief...then at Phil._

"_Was mom...16 when she was pregnant with us?" Asked Dipper in surprise. Phil sighed...but nodded._

"_Wow!" Exclaimed Soos suddenly. "What a funny coincidence! Your situation was a lot like Dipper and Wendy; except...the...genders...flipped"..._

_Soos trailed off under the irritated glares of everyone in the room. "Should I just go sit in the corner and be quiet?" He asks._

_Phil gives him a weird look. "Or you could just leave room." He offered. "Oh. Right, that makes more sense." Says Soos as he dose just that._

_Wendy turns to Phil. "Wait is that why you were helping Dipper be with me?"_

_Phil shrugs sheepishly. "Well, that and an amazing girl like you would more than make up for all the birthdays I've missed and several more after that." He half-jokes. Wendy was both annoyed...and flatered._

…...

Actually, now that she thought of it- "So how are you and Wendy?" Asks Mabel both out of curiosity...and the hope that they could talk about something more light-hearted.

Dipper sighed. "I don't know...Our friendship is still great...in a lot of ways it's even better then it was before! And we admitted we love each other...But at the same time we both acknowledge the numerous obstacles that get in our way of doing that...Both of the societal taboo variety...and the 'there's a lot of horrible things want us dead' variety...So in other words...neither of us have any idea what were doing or where were going with this"... He confessed.

Mabel sighed. _Well, so much for that..._ Thought Mabel miserably...

…...Several hours later...

**ACCESS DENIED!**

Shouted the laptop for the 100th time. Dipper groans...then frowns. _Wait where's Mabel? She said she was going to the restroom...that was like half an hour ago!_

Now concerned, Dipper walks off to look for her...he didn't have to look far.

Mabel laughed with Gabe. "Well, I'll see you and your puppets Friday then!" Says Gabe warmly as he walks off.

Mabel smiles and waves at him. She turns around- Right in the sight of a pissed off Dipper!

"Seriously Mabel!? A guy hunt?! Now of all times!? Have you completely forgotten-

**NO DIPPER! I HAVEN'T!**

Screamed a furious Mabel. Causing Dipper to jump back in fear as Mabel pressed him against the wall and jabed him with her finger at the end of each sentence. "I KNOW ABOUT THE LETHAL ALIEN BLOOD THAT FLOWS THROUGH MY VEINS! I KNOW ABOUT MY BROTHER GETTING TORTURED! I KNOW ABOUT THE CRAP THAT'S IN HIS VEINS AS WELL! I KNOW THAT THE WORLD IS FALLING APART AROUND US! I KNOW ABOUT THE UP-COMING APACOLYPSE! I KNOW THAT WE NOW HAVE TO LIVE IN A TOWN FILLED WITH EVERYTHING THAT GOES BUMP IN THE NIGHT AND THEIR MOM! I KNOW ABOUT THE TERRIORIST ORGINIZATION THAT WANTS TO RIP US APART UNDER A MICROSCOPE! I KNOW ABOUT OUR MOM DYING! I ALSO KNOW IF I DON'T TAKE A BREAK FROM THE WEIRD! AND HAVE ONE NORMAL WEEK! BEING A NORMAL GIRL! WITH NORMAL PROBLEMS! I'M GOING TO $&amp;* #$*&amp;% LOSE IT!

Screamed Mabel as she tore out a clump of hair in each hand. Dipper looked at her in horror. "Wow...Mabel...I had no idea you felt this way...Sure you can have a break...in fact...could I help?"

Mabel groaned. "No, continue working on the laptop...I know that's what you love...and to spend more time with Wendy."

Dipper tried to protest that last bit- "-No, look it's fine! I get it!...I may not like it, but I get it. I'm happy for the two of you, really! Besides, after what you've both been through-

Mabel let out a small, sad, resigned sigh. -You need each other WAY more than I need you."

After giving each other an 'awkward sibling hug'; they went home to do their separate thing...oblivious to the shadow that followed...and watched...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	44. Chapter 44

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 44

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

It had been a long, hectic week. But Mabel had done it! Everything was ready...although...she was worried about Dipper. One of the main reasons she hadn't felt too bad about bailing on Dipper was because she'd assumed that Wendy would take her place and lend a helping hand...but she learned a couple hours ago that Dipper turned down her help! Apparently he had a 'plan' to deal with his condition...but he needed to do it alone apparently.

And Dipper! She hadn't really seen him all week until this morning...and he looked terrible! Like he wasn't sleeping much. Mabel vowed that after tonight she'd go back to helping him with that stupid laptop.

She briefly looks out into the crowd; she's reassured at the sight of Wendy looking in disgust as the man next to her put more and more hair gel on a rag to repeatedly rub his head, the sight of soos asking the teen next to him if he could have his large bag of popcorn, the sight of Stan hitting on an old lady ignoring him to continue knitting, the sight of...no Dipper?

"Wait, where's Dipper?" Asked Mabel concerned. She hadn't been comfortable with him coming here, thinking that he should just rest. But Dipper had been insistent!

Grenda passing nearby, hears her question. "The guy playing the Pastor never showed, so Dipper volunteered to do it instead!"

Mabel looked at her surprised. "What?...Dipper I- No, he shouldn't be doing that! I felt bad enough about him coming here! He's a wreck!"

Grenda shook her head. "Mabel we don't have time! Showtime is in one minute! And we need a pastor for the wedding scene!"

Mabel looks at her weird. "What are you talking about? The wedding scene is at the end not the beginning!"

"Not according to the script!" Said Grenda as she hands her a copy before running away for more last-minute preparations.

Mabel frowned as she read it. _What?...I didn't write this...what's going on here? _Thought Mabel concerned as she ran to check on Dipper.

She ran on stage just as the curtain began to rise, and Dipper had just grabbed the journal-

HA! FINALLY IT'S MINE!

Mabel froze, she didn't know how...but this wasn't Dipper!

NOW I JUST HAVE TO DESTROY THIS, AND MY VICTORY-

Bipper frowned. "Wait, this is just a cardboard copy-

**NOW!**

Several things happened at once.

A rune circle appears around Bipper, causing him to scream in agony-

Wendy is chloroformed by the hair-gel guy-

Four portals open up, chains snake through the air and wrap around Bippers limbs, preventing him from walking out of the seal-

Soos is knocked out by the tazer the 'teen' had hid in his popcorn.

Weird, giant computers pop out of the ground surrounding Bipper

Stan was stabbed by the 'old ladies' needles, the drug it was laced with knocking him out.

The rest of the audience tear off their disguises, revealing their HYDRA insignia's

Before Mabel can comprehend this; she, Candy, and Grenda are filled with knock-out darts.

The other girls are down almost immediately. But Mabel, goes on...dragging herself across the floor. _Must...do something...about...Dipper...or whoever that is. _She thinks sluggishly.

Her sight is getting spotty...But she sees Gabe...being handed something?...and kissing puppets!? "Sorry Mabel! Nothing personal!" Shouts Gabe as he runs off.

Despite Mabel's heartbreaking and vision fading fast...she was able to hear the following conversation...

..."Alright, you've confined me in a physical form that's weak enough for you to trap, whoop-de-do for you!...

..."The instant this body burns out or you kill me I'm free again!"...

..."What exactly were you hoping to accomplish here? What was...Wait, what's that?...THE SIPHON OF ANGELUS!? NO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! THAT WAS DESTROYED DURING THE FALL OF JERUSALUM! I SET THE FIRST FLAMES MYSELF!"...

..."You did...we found the pieces...remade it...even upgraded it...this is it's first test run, so try to give us your honest opinion about it's effectiveness"...

…Kroenen you Bast- GAAAAHHHHH!...

Despite everything, Mabel was still able to call out. "No...this...this...my week...to be...normal"... She moaned out loud tearfully. Suddenly she felt her head being patted, a pillow pushed under her head, and a blanket tossed over her body. "I'm sorry my dear...but that was never going to happen...so sleep well...and dream of brightly-colored, radical, young men...

…...

When Mabel woke up...she was till on the stage. Everyone(including Phil) was surrounding a strange, giant canister...with a note on it that Phil read aloud. "Our joint venture was a complete success! As promised, you'll find Dipper alive and well inside, the 'psycho trigger' is gone(we let him keep the healing factor though), we also added a bonus that we're sure Dipper and Wendy will love!"

Quickly, they opened it up. And out came a very naked Dipper...and it immediately became very obvious what the 'bonus' was. Candy and Grenda immediately fell unconscious from a massive nosebleed. _What a stud! _Thinks both girls before they pass out blissfully. Wendy suppressed her fluster and immediately checked to see if he was okay.

"Dipper are you alright?" She asked concerned. Dipper yawned. "Yeah...I think so...yeah, I'm fine." Wendy smiled serenely. "That's good-

**SLAP!**

"How could you not tell me about this!? You could have died!"

Dipper looked at her shocked. "But Wendy, I did this for you! I saw how terrified you were of me after I first went beserk, so I-

**GAH!**

**SLAP!**

Dam it Dipper!

**SLAP!**

Why do you have to be so fracking noble!?

**SLAP!**

Why do you have to be so dam selfless!?

**SLAP!**

Why do you have this damnable need to throw yourself under the bus for the people you love!

**SLAP!**

**SLAP!**

**SLAP!**

Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders so we don't have to yah moron!

**SLAP!**

We-

**SLAP!**

-love-

**SLAP!**

-you-

**SLAP!**

**-**JACKASS**!**

She stopped slapping him; hugged him...and cried...

Mabel looks on the whole scene amazed._ Wow...they really love each other...why can't I have someone like that? _Thought Mabel close to tears.

Phil, seeing that Mabel had woken up, runs to her. "Mabel are you okay- "NO!" Interrupted Mabel. "I'm not okay! I'll probably never be okay! And I haven't been okay since you came into our lives!" She burst into tears and ran away-

…...

_One week...they couldn't let me have one week of being normal? Was that really asking too much? _Thought an irritated Mabel as she repeatably kicked a can backstage.

It was at that point she noticed a note pinned to her sweater. Curious, she reads it.

…...

**Dear, Mabel**

**It's time someone with experience in such matters was honest with you:**

**Your never going to have a normal life.**

**It's not your fault, between coming to Gravity Falls and your 'heritage'. **

**The deck was unbelievably, hilariously, outrageously stacked against you since birth.**

**But if it's any conciliation...there are worse situations.**

**Take me for example: The 'call' didn't just know where I lived...It doomed my whole hometown!**

**Look Mabel you can't run away from who you are or your 'story' in life(again, believe me, I tried...even left the solar system at one point believe it or not).**

**But you can at least make it better.**

**I know you feel like your Dad connects and has more fun with Dipper than with you.**

**To which I say...Well now you know how Dipper felt all those long years watching you and your mom.**

**And Dipper actually had it worse if you think about it...He didn't feel like he belonged to your family at all!...it wasn't really until he learned Phil was his dad that he truly felt like he had a family!**

**As for how distant he is to you...well you are a younger xerox version of the woman he loved, dumped(which he regrets), and didn't see again until she died, where he then learned he unintentionally left her to raise two children on her own(Not absolving him, just saying it's something to consider).**

**Now for the most important piece of advice; talk to them! Tell them how you feel! Communicate! Their not mind readers!**

**Trust me; I've used bitterness, misscommunication, resentment, and family strife to destroy hundreds of families, organizations, teams, even super hero's! **

**Believe me; you don't want to be the person who got your loved one kills just because you never had a 'heart-to-heart' with them or something equally idiotic...people like that usually slit their throats afterwards willingly(I know because I'm usually the one giving them the knife).**

**Sincerely, Kroenen**

…...

Mabel looked at the letter in horror. "This is the worst most depressing thing I've ever read!" She exclaimed out loud...She then gives out a resigned sigh. "And yet...it's exactly what I needed to hear." She admits...it's a very depressed Mabel that goes have a long overdue chat with her dad and brother...

…...

..."I'm sorry Lord Kroenen, I'm afraid the most we could extract was 1% of Bill's essence before Dipper's original body burnt." States a technician apologetically.

Kroenen merely smirked. "The important thing is that we know it works. We've made 'god' bleed...and in doing so have proven that he's anything but." He gestures to the analysis machines that had recorded the whole thing. "I want this data analyzed...we must refine our technique further"...

…...

GAH! Cried Bill as he once more reconstituted his scrambled being. He turns around to glare at earth. "Okay hot-shots...I was waiting until after the rift opened to play...But now I'm making it personal!...

…...

Mabel...felt a little better...She'd had a long talk with her family...and better yet; Phil had found out how to cure them! Turns out the 'writing's' were actually a schematic of a lost alien city! He brought a copy of a model he found to show her...and now she was cured.

While she gazed and drew on it curiously. Tripp showed up. "Hey Mabel, darnedest thing...shortly after Gabe left (after getting back his puppets that HYDRA was holding hostage); some fool accidentally set fire to all his puppets...

Mabel laughed. "Thanks Tripp." Tripp smiled back. _Probably shouldn't mention the mental breakdown he had after that...man that came out of left field!_

He looked at her. "So how you holding up?" Mabel sighed. "Well, I'm not carving stuff on the walls...and I feel a bit better than I did this morning...for now I guess that's better than nothing."

Tripp nodded and offered to drive her home. She takes one last look at the now vandalized alien schematic.

_Ah...it looks so much more pretty now...and those alignment enhancers I added really help the transition clusters!_

Mabel paused dead in her tracks. _Wait...where did that thought come from- _She shakes her head. _HA! Wow, I must be more out of it than I thought! Off to bed for me!_

And so Mabel skips happily after Tripp...oblivious that the lengths of her skips are equal to that of a Kree unit of inter-dimensional measurement...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	45. Chapter 45

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 45

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Despite the overall success of the operation...there had been one hiccup. The laptop...despite the best efforts of all concerned...it had been damaged beyond all repair.

Of course this didn't stop Dipper from trying to salvage something from it...

The next couple of weeks were mild...well, mild by Gravity Falls standards anyway...Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy briefly took a break to help hook-up Soos with a girl named Melody(only pausing from that to give Phil a suspicious looking CD ROM game)...Then a 'Halloween spirit' tried to posses the house, make them act OOC, and nearly succeeded in making Stan drug an innocent bystander! Thankfully, the defense system Phil installed kicked in just in time.

Finally, they'd found something! A clue that linked the journals to Mcgucket! After going to him, the trail then leads them to the Gravity Falls museum of History. Dipper sends a brief message to Phil and has everyone activate their tracking devices...they then began to search the place...

Dipper made a small whimper of pain. At first he'd been thankfully for his new 'endowment'...But it was just a pain! His shorts were now too tight, he had to readjust them every so often to prevent the circulation from being cut-off. And when he ran too strenuously, every step felt like a kick to the balls. He also had to be watchful for his junk slipping out of his underwear and sticking out of his pants leg. Every time he did something acrobetic, he was worried he'd injure himself! Not to mention, his 'thing' was now an easy target for everything that snapped, zapped, and slashed! Dipper never thought he'd think it...but he missed his small wang!

Meanwhile, Wendy was watching Dipper. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable...even more obvious WHY. She knew it was inappropriate to think about **that**...but frankly it was either that or worry about the thousands of things that were probably going to kill them...and this was just way more enjoyable.

She suppressed a giggle as **it **once more drooped down his pants leg. A flustered Dipper quickly pushes it back in. _He'll be 13 a couple months from now...That's old enough right?...Whatever, I don't care...That'll be my present to him. _Thinks Wendy to herself with a smirk...

…...

The group watched in amazement as a group of robed men erased lazy Susan's memory.

Dipper was particularly shocked. "Guys, are you seeing this? They just wiped Lazy Susan's memory!"

Soos chuckled. "They should've wiped off that awful mascara." Suddenly, he and the rest of the gang(except Mcgucket who'd gotten sidetracked by a pine cone that(sorta) looked like a mustache) fell something cold and cylindrical poke into their backs.

"Terribly sorry, we'll try to fix that with the next model." Said Commander Deathshead jokingly.

Deathshead marched them into the room. He then angrily berated the Society for leaving the outside of the room unguarded...again!

Dipper quickly demands to know what is all this. And Blind Ivan is quick to explain: The Blind-eye's are a society dedicated to keeping the people of Gravity Falls happy, by erasing their 'traumatic' memories of the supernatural...or at least that was the original intent.

Deathshead found out about them, Demanded they come work for him. When Mcgucket refused, he had him and every other naysayer mindwiped until they were insane. Now the Society's goal was too cover up HYDRA's presence in Gravity Falls.

Dipper shook his head. "Don't you see? This is ruining lives! The majority of Gravity Falls are now crazy idiots because of you!"

Deathshead smirked. "Ah, yes. I hadn't anticipated that...good luck that, makes moving about and deceiving people very easy when your the smartest one around."

He then sighed. "Sadly, Kronen feels otherwise. Although it benefited us short term. It was recently pointed out to us that the towns now moronic inhabitants actions draw more attention than anything supernatural could...that the number of tourists that return home forgetting things and exhibiting strange, new, quirky behavior was also setting off alarm bells...

Deathshead then rubs his temples. "An oversight on my part, I'll be the first to admit."

Dipper frowns at the mans nonchalant attitude toward ruining people's lives, but presses on. "Huh, so what did Kronen do to you when he learned you were responsible?"

Deathshead smirks. "He didn't. Taking advantage of his focus on 'all things Bill'. I was able to cover up my involvement and switched the blame to something else-

He then brings out a memory-gun. "-And that's how it's going to stay." Said Deathshead as he glares at the now terrified kids...

…...

From the shadows Mcgucket watches in horror. He quickly Hambones: _Those poor kids! I need to get help! _And with that he scurries off into the rafters...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	46. Chapter 46

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 46

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Dipper groans as he regains consciousness. _Wha-what happened?... _He thinks disoriented.

He remembered Deathshead whipping out a memory-gun. He remembered him explaining they'd intercepted their message to Phil and jammed their trackers. He then explained that this was a newer model built recently(after the unfortunate revelation). Not only did it have none of the side-effects, but it could also be more selective in it's erasing-

"_Ivan!" Snapped Deathshead before he could say anything. "As I've explained to you 15 times already just in the last week!...You don't have the new models because the one time you were trusted with __**one...**__You lost it to one of Whitehalls goons!...who wasn't even aware of our presence in gravity Falls!...he wasn't even in Gravity Falls! He was in Vegas! Seriously, how did you lose it to someone who wasn't even in the same state as you!? How is that even possible!?"_

He then explains how one hour or so from now, they'd wake up in their car. Have no memory of anything that happened before going into the Museum. They'd go in, and find no secret passageways(all of which would be caved in at that point). On the off chance they somehow found a way down, all they'd find was the ruined remains of a secret lair filled with the charred corpses of some weird cult. With no evidence left of who or what they were(and with more pressing concerns on the horizon)...it would just be yet mystery for the ages.

_Toby laughed. "Golly, how are you going to fake that?" Deathshead chuckled. "Fake?"_

_The Mystery Shack is then treated to the sight of Deathshead's goons gunning down the entire Society!...Well, not Blubs._

"_You didn't have to kill them!" Shouted Dipper. "Neither did I need them alive." Said Deathshead._

They then learned that he'd been planning to liquidate the Society for quite some time now. Turns out the Society used to be competent, and people of great influence(Toby, Shockingly used to be a great Media Mogul/Ladies man). But constantly using the gun on themselves, robbed them of all that.

Now they'd become more of a nuisance than anything, in fact Deathshead spent more time covering up their blunders than actually covering up for Hydra!

The only reason he hadn't liquidated them sooner, was because he was trying to arrange for them to all die in plausible accidents...But considering the circumstances. He'd settle for 'the idiots blew themselves up'.

They only spared Blubs because he was the only member with any real influence left(even if it had diminished after Gideon's fall), plus he was a potential candidate for the Cipher Wheel.

The group also learned that Blubs had become the liaison for HYDRA in the Society. He also acted as a informant/Double agent for both sides(hence how he was able to swing Gideon's release before).

_...and then...then what happened? _Thought a still hazy Dipper. Okay...Deathshead erased Blubs memories of what he'd just witnessed and heard...then he sent him home...he turned to them...pointed the gun at them...and an explosion!...from the gun?...No, from the wall!...yes...there was a fire fight! The group was taken and knocked out during the confusion!

Finally, Dipper woke up and found himself strapped down to a table! So was Mabel and Soos! And Wendy! She was strapped down and was being irradiated by some strange ray that was...was causing her stomach to bloat?

"Wait, what?" Asked Dipper baffled. One of the technicians noticed this. "Dang it, one of the subjects is awake. I'll go gas him again." He walks over to Dipper, but nearly trips. He picks up what appears to be a ball-bearing. "We need to fire the janitorial staff, who leaves-

**squick**

That was all he was able to say before the ball-bearing flies out of his hand and shoots straight through his forehead. The other staff barely had time to realize he'd fallen to the floor before several dozen more 'ball-bearings' rose from the floor and began ripping them to pieces!

Before Dipper could even blink. The bearings then formed a battering ram and then smashed down the nearby door! Out pops Mcgucket! "Hang on kids! I brought the cavalry!" Behind him comes a man Dipper had seen only in history books...Kroenen the Invincible...

…...

"They got me pregnant!?" Exclaimed a horrified Wendy. Kroenen nodded. Apparently, while you slept. They extracted D.N.A from Dipper, implanted you with it, then used a special ray to accelerate the child's growth, they would have then taken it from you. They were then planing to kill the both of you and harvest you for parts."

Both Dipper and Wendy grew even more pale. Turns out the people who captured them worked for Whitehall, they bypassed the force-field by using a special underground tunnel. Kroenen promised that he'd upgrade the shield to cover everything below ground as well.

It's also finally revealed about Dipper's 'gift'. Turns out the Kree invaded earth a long time ago. And among other things learned that humans made the perfect incubators for long extinct species D.N.A.

It took several hundred generations for it to stabilize properly. And even then it required some form of trigger to activate properly...the most affective method has been found to be trauma.

Dippers eye's lit up. "It was him, wasn't it? Whitehall sent the Silence and Oogie to torment me and Mabel to see if we were Carriers, didn't he?" Asked Dipper.

Kroenen nodded, resolving to not mention that he deliberately allowed this to happen(this was before he realized their connection to the Cipher Wheel) in a way to that would both backfire on Whitehall(which it did, Phil's crackdowns saw to that) and convince Phil to take the twins away and pay no more mind to Gravity Falls(which thankfully failed). Better they think him incompetent there; both for liability purposes...and it was always a good to have people underestimate you.

He then tells them that both Wendy and Dipper are carriers. Wendy is a carrier of the Ra'zac Bloodline. The now extinct natural born predator of humanity. This species was immune to any magic or special powers of a human(the same power wielded by a non-human was perfectly effective, strangely). They also had a 'sixth sense' that allowed them to track any human anywhere(again, it had no effect on non-humans).

Kroenen gives her an anti-gene-suppressant, to fully activate her powers. He then explains about Dipper's bloodline...or indeed **bloodlines**.

The first one; which he was already familiar with. Was the Saiyan Bloodline. Not only did they have great regeneration abilities, but the more you broke them, the stronger they'd become.

The second(the one that ruined Whithall's scheme, as he'd only prepared a suppressant for the Saiyan Bloodline only, thus rendering it useless); Was the Frost Demon Bloodline.

This Bloodline(once thought extinct) could (under the right 'stimulus') allow a person to have an evolutionary transformation.

"That bloodline came from your father...Hmmm, I wonder if Fury knew? It would certainly explain your dads many quick promotions and being thrown into the middle of the most important and dangerous missions...Perhaps he was trying to get a new Avenger early?" He let the Mystery Shack gang chew on that thought for a bit-

"But never mind that now. Let me tell you that according to the data I just hacked; Although Dipper is a carrier. I'm afraid that the gene has completely skipped Mabel."

"I am soooooo Okay with that." Stated a relieved Mabel honestly. "Yes, well I'm also afraid to tell you that due to the experiments Oogie performed on you...your now sterile."

Mabel felt like a dagger ripped through her heart. "I...won't be able to have kids?" Asks a devastated Mabel.

Dipper was equally distraught! He knew better than anyone how much Mabel wanted to have a family!

"Isn't there anything we can do?" Asks Dipper. Kroenen nods and brings out a vial filled with a strange liquid. Behold! The plant that the hero of Gilgamesh failed to find, the secret of methuselah's long life, synthesized from a plant thought to have been wiped out by Noah's Ark! This will surely restore Mabel's fertility!"

Dipper eagerly reached toward it. "Hold it!" Snapped Kroenen. "This liquid is unimaginably hard to synthesis. If you want it, you better believe I'll want something in return."

He holds up a finger to stop Dipper from interrupting him. "And before you play the 'After the frak your subordinate put us through?' card; you should know that I've already had Deathshead punished."

He smiles at them. "Although he technically hasn't been demoted. I've had him...'reassigned' to our Quetzalacatenango outpost. It's the most remote outpost we have in the Veil...imagine it as a love child between Antarctica, the Sahara, and a toxic waste dump...That's also addicted to crack."

He pauses in brief consideration. "I also shut down all of his little 'pet projects'...well except one. But only after much pleading on his part. I relented, but only on the understanding that he'd have to do it on his own, on his own time, on his own dime...and he'd have to do it in his 'new digs'...

…...Quetzalacatenango outpost...

"Sir, I really don't think you'll want this room! It's barely ventilated! And with all these chemicals your bringing in...

"Is there another room on this rock that is available and equipped to handle my project?" Asked Deathshead irritated.

The technician looked reluctant. "Uh...well...technically no- "Then stop wasting my time and get to it!"...

…...

It took some hashing out, but they reached an agreement. They got half the liquid now, the other half after the job is done.

As they headed home Mabel turned to Wendy and Dipper. "I'm surprised you guys haven't freaked about having a kid."

They shrug. "After everything we've been through, it's far from the weirdest thing that's happened to us." Said Wendy. "After getting my skin ripped off repeatedly, having a kid really doesn't seem that big of a deal." Pointed out Dipper. "Not to mention we already know we won't be going it a lone." Says Wendy as she grabs Dippers hand and smiles at him, he of course smiles right back.

Then the mood got dark again. "Besides, we have 'that' on our minds as well." Said Dipper flatly. And Mabel could only sadly nod.

For before they left. Kroenen had revealed one more revelation. Whitehall had been hunting for Bloodlines for years...which is what lead to him killing both the twins and Wendy's mom's...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Just so there's no confusion; 'The Veil' is the dimension that Kroenen and his faction has set up shop(you saw it in the bottomless pit chapter)**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	47. Chapter 47

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 47

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

-Well, that was crazy!" Said Dipper as he, Mabel, Wendy, Soos, and Phil walked from the laser arcade and yet another crazy misadventure.

"I still can't believe that boy I meet all those years ago was Dipper!" Exclaimed Wendy

…...

"_Thank you. I mean... you're super young, so this is weird." Said Dipper awkwardly._

_Wendy playfully smacked him. "__Heheh, now you know how I felt, creep!" She teased playfully._

_She then ruffles the younger her's hair. "Give it a couple more years sweetie, he'll be eating out of your hand!" _

…...

Meanwhile, Mabel gleefully gulped down on the other half of the elixir. Dipper and Phil were happy that Mabel was healthy again...but they still couldn't help but worry...

Somehow, Kroenen had learned of Blendin's 'plan' in advance. Which lead to the deal: They bring his special fly-drone into the future so it can download information from the time-police's databanks; and give it to his men in exchange for the elixir.

It had been programed to only get Intel about the past(thus avoiding any paradoxes)...but still, they were concerned...Dipper in particular couldn't help but remember a certain part of the conversation with Kroenen in the underground lab-

…...

"_So you have a strict 'destroy all time-machines on site and don't mess with time-travel' just like SHEILD?" Asked Dipper curiously. _

_Kroenen nodded. "If anything, ours is even more strict...we kill everyone even remotely involved with it...I in particular enforce this law to the maximum extent!"_

_Dippers eyes widened. "wait, what!? Dude I know time travel can be messy...but isn't that excessive?!"_

_Kroenen__ looks down at the cybernetic implants that made up most of his body. "There are worse fates...just ask the people of Tunguska"... Said Kroenen absentmindedly as he clenched his fists with rage..._

…...

That last bit seemed to have been a slip-up, for after that Kroenen clammed up. "I Still can't believe Soos gave up his time-wish!" Said Wendy amazed.

Soos smiled. "Like I said; you guys beat my dad in the family department hands down!" Soos just shakes his head. "Honestly, what kind of father is absent for most of their kids life-"

Soos, trailed off and paled as he realized what he just said. "Uh, I don't mean you Mr. Coulson!" Said Soos quickly to the now depressed man. "Your not like him! You had a good reason! You didn't even know they existed! And when you did learn, you came roaring to the rescue!"

Phil smiled. "Thanks Soos, your a good man...your Dads an idiot not to see that." Phil smiles...despite feeling terrible of what he'd learned recently...Lilly was dead because of him...

Apparently, Whitehalls faction had been secretly replacing prescription drugs with 'special' drugs that activated bloodlines sooner...Lilly got suspicious...sent the kids to Gravity Falls so they'd be safe and used the private number Phil left with her to call him for help...A HYDRA operative intercepted the call...and the rest was history...

Needless to say, this revelation had once more strained things between Phil and Mabel...

As for Wendy's mom...well...that was more complicated...

…...

"_Your mothers were two interesting people...had they ever meet...I genuinely can't tell if they'd have instantly been the best of friends...or the worst of enemies." Commented __Kroenen __randomly._

"_Yeah, that's great." Said Wendy dismissively. "Could we get back to the 'Whitehall poisoned my mother' subject!?" She said annoyed. "Like maybe some actual details!?"_

_Kroenen shook his head. "Sorry, my dear. I'm afraid such matters are above my pay-grade."_

_Dipper looked at him confused. "Above your- Aren't you the head of HYDRA?"_

_Kroenen smirked. "Boy...this is way bigger than you can imagine"..._

…...

So on top of everything they had that hovering over their heads as they walked up to the Shack...

…...

Sky smiled as she saw them come up the trail through the window. Earlier today, Phil heard the twins say they always wanted a surprise party...so here they were!

"Okay, their coming! Hit the lights!" Shouts Sky.

Briefly all was quite in the dark then- WOOO! Shouts Thompson. "Mabel and Dipper are going to freak when they see us all naked!"

"What!? What are you- Are you seriously- NO! No! It's not that kind of party! What is wrong with you!?" Exclaimed Sky disgusted.

"Wha? But Tambry told me- Thompson's explanation was cut off by Tambry's laughter. "I can't believe you fell for that!" She exclaimed hysterically.

Sky face-palmed. "Whatever! Just put your clothes back on before-

The lights suddenly come back on-

Were back- GAH! MY EYES!

Sky groans as Tambry happily takes pictures of the chaos...

…...

Kroenen examined the 'document' he'd swiped from the Shack with interest...

"Sir! We have the data downloaded! It's ready for viewing!" Shouted a technician. Kroenen nodded and began to examine the data stolen from the Time-matrix. For a few hours he just looked through it all seemingly apathetic. He sorted the data, distributed it to whoever in HYDRA would make the most use of it, gave the occasional order, and-

His eyes widened...

And like that...he was gone...

…...Quetzalacatenango outpost...

"I don't understand it! It's not like Lord Kroenen to just leave without warning or instruction!" Said one technician to the other as they walked down the corridor.

The other technician nodded. "Yes, it is Out Of Character for him...So it must be serious business!" He decided.

The first technician shook his head. "Whatever the reason...do we really need to put...**him **in charge?" He asked fearfully.

The second Technician sighed. "He's still (technically) second in command...and Kroenen didn't say otherwise...We don't have a choice."

The first technician began to panic a bit. The second tried to calm him down. "Look I know he has a bad temper and is...'difficult' to work with...But he's still a professorial! We can take a couple weeks of him surely-

**BOOM!**

The technicians feel to the floor as an explosion rocked the outpost. "That came from Commander Deathsheads room!" Shouted the second of them. Quickly, they ran to it...only to find the door blown off it's hinges.

They call for an emergency team on their com-links and cautiously walk into the room...

**SLASH!**

Two cauterized heads quickly roll back out...

…...

Phil sighed. "Stan, you burnt down an airport...9 times! Even at SHEILDS prime the best I could do for you is not investigate how you only got on the 'no-fly' list instead of life-imprisonment!"

Stan turned pale...then sighed. "Fair enough." He conceded before walking away...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Okay, I think I'll do 'Love God' next...A nice breather episode before the storm...**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	48. Chapter 48

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 48

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

**AN: A theory popped into my head awhile ago...What if Robbie's just a red hearing and Wendy is the true symbol for the Heart on the Cipher Wheel? The symbol (sorta) looks like a broken heart. And Wendy Broke Robbie AND Dipper's hearts(not to mention those several other guys).**

**What do you think? Dose it sound nuts?**

…...

The Teens, Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel rocked on with the 'DJ OK' at the Woodstick festival.

The day had started off a bit bumpy. Mabel made a big fuss about more of her drawings being misplaced...then of course the whole 'Mabel spiking fries with Love Potion' thing.

Now in another universe the group would have completely disintegrated instantly...That universe however; didn't have a Badass pregnant Wendy who was tired of the non-stop drama and wanted a break, had been thrown so much crap recently that the 'Tambry x Robbie' wasn't that annoying in comparison, and was very 'moody'(since thanks to HYDRA tech she was now 7 months along) so was more then willing to hogtie the entire group and threaten to break their fingers until they talk out this "Quote 'Sit-Com crap' Un-quote"!

Long story short(or a 22 minute episode forcibly wrapped off under 5 minutes by a pissed off red-head to be more precise): Everyone was irritated at Mabel, Tambry and Robbie take a trial period to see if their happy with this before getting ride of the potion, Wendy 'convinces' the Love God to give up his stuff to them, and makes Mabel buy all the snacks to call it even(an agreement she 'convinces' everyone else to honor as well).

...And that was pretty much it for that episode...of their lives...

…...

SHIELD agent Ross looks away from his duty of monitoring the Pines kids to look toward Agent Rachel. _Well, it took 10 years...but now I'm finally doing it..._

He goes to her, gets down on bended knee, opens up a box revealing a ring. "Rachel Green will you-

**BOOM!**

Went the SHEILD surveillance truck-

"**Team 5, reporting in: Target neutralized.**

…**...(Gravity Falls theme song: Heroic Rising Version)...**

"**Team 12: All lines of communication out of town have successfully been jammed!"**

…**...**

"**Team 7: all roads have been blocked! Awaiting further instructions!"**

…**...**

"**Team 47: Force field is at max! No one is getting in or out!**

…**...**

"**To all Sleeper agents...execute order 66!"**

…**...**

"**On your knees for Emperor Deathshead!"**

"**No member of the Cipher wheel can be allowed to leave this town! The ancient alien city awakens! We must prepare! Our alliance with SHEILD is henceforth terminated!**

**No more hiding! No more disguises!**

**Initiate Plan B: Operation TOTAL INVASION!"**

BOOM!

Explosions and gunshots rip across the once peaceful town...

Which is followed by screaming...

The war for Gravity Falls had begun...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: What? I didn't lie! Compared to the next several chapters; this one(technically) counts as a Breather episode!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	49. Chapter 49

A pine tree Diverges in the woods ch. 49

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

...3 days later...

A young Woman carries her young son Charlie as she runs through the devastated streets of Gravity Falls. She runs past where the statue of Quentin Trembly had been torn down and replaced with the cloaked visage of 'Emperor' Deathshead. Most people seeing this might have mocked it, calling such a man a 'Palpatine-Wannabe'...not the people of Gravity Falls though...and especially not this young mother.

She'd seen first hand the handiwork of this madmen's mechanized army...how they set the town and forest ablaze...How they gunned down every man, woman, and child indiscriminately...

**HALT!** She suddenly finds herself cornered by three Super Battle Droids. "Please!" She begged. "Kill me, but spare my child!" She begged as she tried to shield her crying child's body.

**By order of Emperor Deathshead; All non-Cipher Wheel Citizens are to be terminated. No exceptions.**

The woman screamed as they charged up their guns-

**BANG! BANG! BANG!**

-and were immediately blown to scrap. The woman looked at the pregnant teen dressed as a commando that now stood in the wreckage with her hand held toward them. "Come with me if you want to live." Said Wendy...

**...A warning...**

**...to the people...**

**...The good...**

**...And the evil...**

**...this...**

**...is...**

**...war...**

Hours later; Wendy helped the two into the Shack turned Mobile command center. Dipper was busy giving orders so she helped them get settled herself. During this she can't help wonder yet again how everything got so messed up...

…...

**...to the Soldier...**

_Manly Dan took a big long drink of Whiskey._

"_Boys, go find your sister. And get somewhere safe!"_

"_But dad- "I said GO!"_

_While his kids ran, Dan turned to face the mechanized horde that was invading his property..._

**...The Civilian...**

_Pacifica grumbled as she left the room. __**Sea foam green, lake foam green- What's the difference?! I mean really! I-**_

_**CRASH!**_

_Pacifica turned around just in time to see her parents get gunned down by a bunch of robots that crashed into the room..._

**...The Martyr...**

_**BANG!**_

_Tambry looked down from the Woodstick stage and down at the the large blood spot that was pooling on her shirt..._

**...The Victim...**

"_No please! Have mercy!" Begged Blubs. The HYDRA agent laughed. "Mercy is for the weak!" He said before ordering the Super-Battle Droids to fire on the two-_

_FRIENDSHIP!_

_Screamed Durland as he dove in front of Blubs taking the fire meant for him..._

**...This...**

**...is...**

**...war...**

"_NO! NO! NO! Don't you dare die on me Durland! We still haven't bought that rabbit farm we talked about! You still haven't seen an albino rabbit kiss a black rabbit! That was your dream! You can't die yet!" Screamed a tearful Blubs as he shook his unresponsive friends body _

**...A warning...**

**...To the Prophet...**

_Mcgucket panicked! His laptop was counting down! The men with two-headed beasts were back and destroying the town! "__It's happening! The End Times! When that machine activates... I gotta get outta town!" He throws all his stuff into a bundle. "Get in there, raccoon wife! Git!"_

_He runs outside- And sees his son sprawled out on the junkyard ground! "Nate!? What's wrong!?" He goes to him concerned and tries to wake him up. Nate's eyes pop open. "Wha- DAD! GET AWAY! IT'S A-_

_The bomb attached to Nate's body choose that moment to explode- _

…**The liar...**

"_Don't ask questions! Just keep your sister and Wendy safe and meet me at these coordinates! The Shack has a new feature that Phil installed recently." Lied Stan smoothly as he activated the shacks 'hidden feature' that caused it to grow spider legs and run to the safety of the Gravity Falls forest...It wouldn't be the last feature that Stan introduced that 'Phil' installed..._

**...The honest...**

"_Leave her man! She's dead! We have to go!" Shouted Thompson as he dragged a hysterical Robbie away from the slaughterhouse that used to be the festival..._

**...This...**

**...is... **

**...war...**

_Deathshead smiled at the sight of the two Mcguckets being blown up through his monitor. "I should have done that years ago. Good bye you seditious moron, and good riddance!"_

_Meanwhile, Fiddelford. Having been pushed out of the blast radius by Nate...just stares sadly at his son's smoldering corpse..._

**...A warning...**

**...To the Leader...**

"_Follow me everyone!" Shouted Dipper as he zapped several Droids with his shrink-light..._

**...The Pariah...**

_Pool Jail kid woke up just in time to see a bunch of laser guns pointed at him..._

**...The Victor...**

_Deathshead read the reports confirming that 3/4th's of the towns population was dead...he smiled at the now destroyed town...he'd been dreaming of this day for years..._

"_So it came to pass, that the town of Gravity Falls fell... and all who made fools of me would soon be no more. And I looked down upon my new dominion, as Emperor of all. And I thought it... good."_

_He turns to his there newest generals/Successful test subjects. "What did you think of the quote boys? Too much?"_

_Darth Vader, Darth Maul, and General Grievous simply stared..._

**...The Messiah...**

...Present day...

Phil stood resolute facing the seemingly impregnable force field...

**...This...**

**...is...**

**...war...**

_The HYDRA agent laughed as he sauntered up to a still weeping Blub's "Aw, did I break your boyfriend?" He mocks as he puts the barrel of his laser on Blubs head. "Frankly, I think I did you a favor. You could've done way better then that moron-_

_**CRACK!**_

_HE'S NAME WAS DURLAND!_

_Screamed Blubs as he grabbed both the agents throat and his gun._

"_Wha! Wait! No! Mercy! I-_

"_MERCY IS FOR THE WEEK!" Screamed Blubs as he blows up all fifty droids while using the agent as a meat shield..._

**To the right!**

_**We need him alive for leverage! **__Shouts a droid. __**Tell him that! **__Screamed another right before their both decapitated by Dan..._

**To the left!**

_The jail Pool Kid looked over to where Mr. Poolcheck was finishing off the last of the droids. _

"_Hey, dad? I was just wondering...since the town is being overrun by robots"..._

_Poolcheck sighed. "Fine, your ungrounded! But if I catch you cheating on your homework again, I'll ban the sentient Pool safety sign you love from coming here anymore!"_

**We will fight!**

_Blubs cursed, Durland was too heavy to carry! And more Droids would probably be coming soon!_

_He quickly hides the body in a bush. "I will come back for you." He swore. "And if I have to rob that store to get you that silk-lined coffin you had your eyes on, than so be it!"_

**To the death!**

_Pacifica crawled into the secret passageway as the screams of her servants rang across the house..._

_A certain ghost watches the whole scene with curiosity..._

**To the edge!**

_Fiddelford shaved off the remains of his burnt beard, tossed his hat into the fire, stole a suite from a corpse, fixed his glasses, packed his laptop, divorced his Raccoon wife, burned down his junkyard shack...and his sons corpse within, and walked off..._

_**No more running...**_

**Of the earth!**

…Present day...

Dipper looked around to the many gathered in the Command center(formerly the Shack's kitchen): Dan, Poolcheck, Mcgucket, Jeff, Chutzpar, Stan, Candy, Grenda, Blubs, Robbie, Thompson, Wendy...

**It's a brave new world, It's a brave new world...**

Dipper nods, it was time to get to work...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: the lyrics are from Thirty Seconds to Mars**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


	50. ANNOUNCEMENT!

**ATTENTION!**

"To All who read this...I'm going on HIATUS!

"I know, I know. I hate it when Authors do this too.

"But I plan on being a REAL writer; and I need to focus on that.

**FIRE SALE!**

**EVERYTHING MUST GO!**

"If you want to adopt my story to continue it; go ahead!

"If more then one person wants to adopt the same story; go ahead!(this includes the one's already labeled 'adopted')

**NEW YEAR!**

"Let me be clear; this Hiatus(if I don't become an Author) will only last a year...I really do want to finish my fanfic stories(But if you don't want to wait, feel free to adopt)

**EXCEPTIONS**

"I intend to finish the last chapter of my Christian themed story 'What we gonna do'; I might also occasionally post some Christian Song-fic's.

"From Now on if the conversation thread isn't labeled 'Adopt' or 'Review Glitch'(My computer still won't let new reviews through, I need help!)"I'm going to have to ignore it(sorry)

**COMMITMENTS**

"Say what you will about me; I'm a man of my word.

"I've promised several Authors that I'd help them with their stories.

"Here they are: The Howling Behemoth, StoriesUnleashed, Brandon Vortex, SPIDERWILLIAM13, Animeshowlover, And...Shot...Okay I can't remember his/her name; but he/she adopted Tremor Falls...so you know who you are...I hope.

"Anyway; Because of my promise. I will still respond to messages from the guys/girls listed above

As for 'Zues Killer Productions'...(sigh)

"Okay, here's the thing...I promised to adopt his/her story...But right after that I remembered- "Dang it, I'm going on Hiatus in a couple months, what is wrong with me?"

"But poorly thought out and misremembered it may have been...for better or for worse I made a commitment and I'm going to stick with it.

"After all; why should he/she suffer because of my poor memory?(I'll still take messages from him/her as well)

"Let's be clear; I'm not going nuts on this...they'll be only one chapter every two weeks(at least)

**"NAME CHANGE**

"In one week; I'm changing my User name(I wanted this name first...but I forgot it(sheepish smile))

"Say goodbye to "du911"...and hello to "The Cowardly Christian".

"Well...that's it...bye...


End file.
